Dear Annie: I am so sad for "Sad in Ohio," the woman whose husband cheated on her. I too have a husband who cheated multiple times in our marriage. The last one was 12 years ago — that I know of!

I haven't heard of any children from his affairs. And they were affairs, not one-night stands. These involved feelings. This hurt me so badly. We are both 68 now, and I have always thought I couldn't live without him. I loved him so much!

But alas, I don't love him anymore. I don't respect him anymore. I stay because I have nowhere to go, and I can't afford to live on my own, but we don't have a marriage. Whenever we have a discussion about how I feel, he always acts surprised, like this is the first he's heard of it!

So, "Sad," at least you have love to keep you going. I'm sorry that you were hurt. There are so many of us hurting from cheaters. If only I were younger, sigh. — Sad in Washington

Dear Sad: It is not too late to leave. If you are miserable in your marriage, you can leave. It is not too late. Don't give up on the possibility of love. You can either go into marriage counseling with your husband and forgive him for all his indiscretions, or you can leave and go find a man who you are happy with and who will be honest with you and respect you.

Dear Annie: I was alone for a long time and then met someone at work. We became close and recently got engaged, but here is the problem: She lives with a man — they are not married — but they have two kids together.

She comes to my place after work, and we have dinner and are intimate. But then later she goes home, and she still sleeps in the same bed with her ex-boyfriend. She has told me that there is nothing going on there. She has slept over at my place at times. But sometimes I have a hard time dealing with the whole situation.

I have never even met her kids, and no one knows about me. I do love her very much, but there are times when I feel I should just walk away. It's not easy. — Feeling Like Second Fiddle

Dear Second Fiddle: You sound like a wonderful and trusting person. If your relationship doesn't feel right to you, then it's time to have a very upfront conversation with your fiancee about her relationship with her ex-boyfriend. If you don't want her sleeping over there, then she has to know that. If you want to meet her children, and you are presumably going to be their stepfather, then you should express that to her. If she says no, then you should seek the help of a trained professional and consider finding a different partner.

"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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