Dear Annie: I have been married for 32 years to my husband, who has three children from his prior marriage. The children are now in their mid-30s to early 40s.

We were all a big happy family until about four years ago. The middle child called to tell us that we were both bad parents. I asked her to tell us why she felt that way. She said she would call us back to explain, but that never happened.

We would have liked to have communicated about whatever she was holding onto to move past this issue. Her dad could not get her to communicate the problem. We are so confused as to what she is thinking or feeling. We do not do any illegal drugs or drink alcohol; we brought these children up in church. We gave them a loving, fun home while they grew up. Their mother was very vindictive and untruthful to them about their father. Regardless, we would counteract this with being open and honest about our life with them.

No matter what we do, the two oldest daughters and our grandchildren refuse to have anything to do with us. The youngest son does call his dad about two times a year, but he has an issue with me. None of them will talk to us, no matter what we do. Cards we have mailed saying we love you, let's get through this together without any judgment, result in no response.

We have asked our daughter-in-law, a social worker, to try to get the ball rolling on our behalf, but she doesn't want to get in the middle. We have also offered counseling that we would pay for to overcome the problem(s). — Confused in Michigan

Dear Confused in Michigan: That is confusing indeed. Good on you for being willing to take the steps necessary to work through these problems — but are you sure that neither you nor your husband have any clue as to why all three children have an issue with you? Is it possible their "vindictive" mother is influencing their opinions? I would encourage both you and your husband to try to talk to each of his kids one-on-one. Without a little more information, it's hard to know what you're even trying to fix.

Dear Annie: I have a lovely 31-year-old daughter. Her dad and I divorced when she was 12 after our 30-year, often difficult, marriage. My ex developed serious depression that came after significant troubles. Medication didn't help because he wouldn't stay on it. We didn't share a bed for the last seven years of our marriage. We divorced in 2006. My ex took his half of the proceeds of the sale of our home and immediately squandered it all. He became homeless off and on for the next few years.

A couple of years after the divorce, we had a heated argument about child support. He grabbed my hand and tried to break it. I reported the incident, and he was to start court-ordered anger management for a fee. He couldn't pay the fee, so instead, he committed suicide the day the training was to start.

It has been 14 years since he died. In my daughter's angriest moments, she blames me for his suicide. I have asked her many times to go to family counseling with me, but she flatly refuses. When she's not angry or snarky with me, she can be very loving and supportive. I want to go to counseling with her to address the underlying issues. I can't divorce my only child. What is our way forward? — Sad Mom

Dear Sad Mom: Your daughter is clearly still struggling with the trauma of losing her father. Until she is willing to confront these issues and face them head-on, I fear nothing, most notably her relationship with you, will change.

Instead of pushing family therapy, see if she would be willing to start with her own therapist or counselor — as you should, too. In time, I hope she'll be willing to let you in more and repair your relationship, but her journey of healing might be better off started alone.

"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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