Dear Annie: About 25 years ago, my dental hygienist may have been thinking the same thoughts as "Wishing I Could Talk to Him," the woman whose husband has bad breath, while she talked about my teeth rather than telling me the truth — namely, that she was smelling the rotting bacteria that gave me very offensive breath. Had she been upfront about what she was detecting, I would have been aghast and immediately started using a mouthwash. Thankfully, another hygienist later clued me in.

Subsequently, I dated a woman whose breath was always fresh for the first year and then turned horrid, making being close unpleasant. She insisted that I was hypersensitive to smells. Nonsense, I thought, and then I remembered my experience, told her about that and convinced her to use a mouthwash. Her friends and relatives were too polite to tell her.

In a related story, one that occurred 40 years ago, I was working on a tenant's apartment after we both had finished our day jobs. I discovered that this man, who was a professional in his occupation, had an offensive body odor. We weren't friends but were mutually respectful. After a couple of brief conversations, I told him that I'd like to tell him what most people wouldn't for fear of offending him.

I let that sink in, and he was listening, so I continued and told him that he, being accustomed to it, couldn't smell his own body odor, which surely hurt his social life. I suggested that he wash everything he had, take at least a daily shower, use a deodorant and put on fresh clothes every day. I told him that if he wanted more honest feedback, he could just ask me. He thanked me and followed my recommendations. We both felt good about the communication. — Telling It Like It Is

Dear Telling It Like It Is: You sound like a great friend. And yes, you are correct that sometimes telling someone the truth hurts in the moment but can save years of small hurts. It's like ripping off a Band-Aid quickly as opposed to slowly peeling it.

Dear Annie: Recently, my husband and I met a group of co-workers for a late lunch after a function we had all attended. We arrived before the others, procured a table for the group, sat down, and ordered an appetizer and a pitcher of margaritas. Everyone arrived and we invited them to share our appetizer and pitcher, which some did. When it came time to order entrees, my boss generously announced the lunch would be her treat and she insisted she was paying.

My question is, who is responsible for paying for the appetizer and pitcher? — Lunching in Illinois

Dear Lunching in Illinois: I think the boss is, if she offered.

"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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