Dear Annie: I'm recently divorced and seeing someone. We talk openly about our divorces and ex-spouses. There are no hard feelings either way. She has children, and I don't. We are in our 50s.
I had a prior marriage at a very young age. I was in the service and lonely. It was a long-distance relationship, and we were married within two years. We didn't even know each other. I was miserable, and the marriage ended. I don't like talking about it and am embarrassed by it, which is why I haven't mentioned it to "Jane."
I haven't lied, because the issue hasn't come up. Am I digging a hole by not telling her? Would you be offended if this was not disclosed? — Wondering in Michigan
Dear Wondering in Michigan: If your prior marriage is on your mind and you feel you should tell your new love interest, then tell her. It might feel embarrassing at first, but part of being in an intimate relationship is being willing to feel vulnerable. You are putting yourself out there with all of your history, and I'm sure she has her own history. Once you both accept each other, real trust and bonding will take over.
If she judges you and has an issue with your two-year marriage, then it is better to find that out sooner rather than later. No sense wasting time with someone who will not accept the whole you, warts and all.
Dear Annie: With COVID-19, many people have had elective surgery postponed. Insurance companies are shortening the length of stays they will cover afterward, and I am hearing of people being discharged from the hospital the day after surgery, for what would normally have been a four- or five-day stay.
I am waiting to have surgery. More than the hospitalization, my concern is about home care afterward. I live alone, and my daughter plans to stay with me. However, she works where there are a lot of people in and out, and I know that she is going out with friends and not wearing a mask now that businesses are reopening. The number of COVID cases is on the rise in my state.
I am starting to feel that I do not want my daughter staying with me after surgery without guaranteeing that she will not be socializing for two weeks before. It's bad enough that she works with the public. A few weeks ago, I jokingly mentioned taking two weeks off from work to quarantine before surgery. Am I wrong to ask her not to go out socially for two weeks before? Should I plan to have visiting nurses instead? — Trying to Be a Patient Patient
Dear Patient Patient: You are not wrong to ask that of her. It is irresponsible of her to not wear a mask and socialize with a group of people. Your immune system won't be at its best while it is fighting to heal. While her intentions are sweet, the biggest way she can care for you is by protecting you from COVID. If her job does not allow for that, I recommend hiring professional nurses to care for you while your body gets strong. If your daughter is offended by that, have a serious talk with her about the protocols she would need to follow to care for you.
"Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie" is out now! Annie Lane's debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected]