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Dead at 17
Dear Annie: My 17-year-old son has his beginner's driver permit and thinks he knows it all. If I mention something he did wrong behind the wheel, I'm being "mean." I can't seem to get through to him the dangers that can happen in a split second. Can you please run the essay ''Please, God, I'm Only 17'' again? Maybe it will open his eyes. — Worried Dad in Kentucky
Dear Dad: At least once a year, we get a request to reprint this moving essay for the new crop of teenage drivers. We hope all parents will place it where the kids will see it. (We also recommend, Dad, that you pepper your criticism with praise for all the things your son does correctly. He'll be more likely to listen to you.)
"Dead at Seventeen" by John Berrio
Agony claws my mind. I am a statistic. When I first got here I felt very much alone. I was overwhelmed by grief, and I expected to find sympathy. I found no sympathy. I saw only thousands of others whose bodies were as badly mangled as mine. I was given a number and placed in a category. The category was called "Traffic Fatalities."
The day I died was an ordinary school day. How I wish I had taken the bus! But I was too cool for the bus. I remember how I wheedled the car out of Mom. "Special favor," I pleaded. "All the kids drive." When the 2:50 p.m. bell rang, I threw my books in the locker ... free until tomorrow morning! I ran to the parking lot, excited at the thought of driving a car and being my own boss.
It doesn't matter how the accident happened. I was goofing off — going too fast, taking crazy chances. But I was enjoying my freedom and having fun. The last thing I remember was passing an old lady who seemed to be going awfully slow. I heard a crash and felt a terrific jolt. Glass and steel flew everywhere. My whole body seemed to be turning inside out. I heard myself scream.
Suddenly, I awakened. It was very quiet. A police officer was standing over me. I saw a doctor. My body was mangled. I was saturated with blood. Pieces of jagged glass were sticking out all over. Strange that I couldn't feel anything. Hey, don't pull that sheet over my head. I can't be dead. I'm only 17. I've got a date tonight. I'm supposed to have a wonderful life ahead of me. I haven't lived yet. I can't be dead.
Later I was placed in a drawer. My folks came to identify me. Why did they have to see me like this? Why did I have to look at Mom's eyes when she faced the most terrible ordeal of her life? Dad suddenly looked very old. He told the man in charge, "Yes, he's our son."
The funeral was weird. I saw all my relatives and friends walk toward the casket. They looked at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen. Some of my buddies were crying. A few of the girls touched my hand and sobbed as they walked by. Please, somebody — wake me up! Get me out of here. I can't bear to see Mom and Dad in such pain. My grandparents are so weak from grief they can barely walk. My brother and sister are like zombies. They move like robots. In a daze. Everybody. No one can believe this. I can't believe it, either.
Please, don't bury me! I'm not dead! I have a lot of living to do! I want to laugh and run again. I want to sing and dance. Please don't put me in the ground! I promise if you give me just one more chance, God, I'll be the most careful driver in the whole world. All I want is one more chance. Please, God, I'm only 17.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2013 CREATORS.COM 
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Comments
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35 Comments | Post Comment
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Wasting a whole column on this when someone could just google it? Really?
Comment: #1
Posted by: Eliza167
Fri Apr 12, 2013 9:37 PM
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LW1 - be a parent, and deal with the fact that your kid thinks you're "mean". If you think he's an unsafe driver, keep teaching him to do better, or yank the car keys until he learns to not be so mouthy. Let him know that he will go for his driver's test & be allowed to use your car when you think it's safe and not before. The end. If he doesn't like it, that will be too bad, so sad. As for asking the advice columnist to reprint something you could google & hand to him yourself, that was ridiculous. He's probably seen enough tv and movies to know that fictional people die in car accidents. Do you think this fictional column will convince him that kids die in car accidents? Why don't you clip articles out of your local paper about teen drivers, some of whom he will probably know, who have gotten into accidents. That would be more convincing.
Comment: #2
Posted by: kai archie
Fri Apr 12, 2013 9:59 PM
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Re: Eliza167
Eliza, this letter originated a long time ago, and I read it as a teenager. It resonated with me big time, and I made my son read it as well. There is really no harm, and a great potential benefit to a few people, hopefully, for the Annies to run it again. It is moving.
The telecom company I work for is staging a huge effort against texting while driving. We are vigorously supporting people to understand the dangers.
Do you think that kids will go and google things that might make them get hurt? You have to keep it in their faces every day all the time.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Carly O
Fri Apr 12, 2013 10:02 PM
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Re: kai archie
kai,
When that original letter appeared, it had an impact on me. Every year, when prom time comes around, our local high school drags around a totally demolished car and puts it out in front of the school. It is crazy scare, or at least, it should be. What you are all seeming to forget is that, when you were 16 or 17 or 18, you thought it would never happen to you. I don't know why you have a problem with the Annies putting their two cents in on this subject, along with everything else parents can do.
I don't know about you, but I am old enough to remember serious lessons learned from reading Dear Abby and Ann Landers years ago. Sheesh, they are only trying to help kids be smart.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Carly O
Fri Apr 12, 2013 10:07 PM
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Translation: The Annies wanted to take an extra day off. For anyone who's interested in reading this essay, they could post a URL.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Baldrz
Fri Apr 12, 2013 11:35 PM
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Re: Baldrz
You make me laugh. First of all, you would have to acknowledge that the Annnies work hard in the first place, thus negating your own argument. Maybe you don't have children, or you never were a child, or maybe you have no soul or memory, but the first time I read that letter, it made an impression.
I will repeat what I said earlier. Young teenagers do not search on sites to keep them safe. The Annies posted something that might go a long way to making kids THINK. We are seeing young girls committing suicide because they drank too much, their so-called boy friends rape them, and post pictures. Baldrz, if you have kids, consider this a notice that you should stop being smug about something as ridiculous as a comment on an advice column and go take care of your kids.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Carly O
Sat Apr 13, 2013 1:25 AM
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This essay used to just depress me. But, I was one of those weird kids who assumed I would die young. This essay just seemed to enforce that belief. Plus, the whole being buried alive aspect of it made me panic a little.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Renee J
Sat Apr 13, 2013 3:47 AM
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I remember this essay, very well in fact. Long before they started parking wrecks in front of schools, before texting and cell phones, before lots of the normal teen stuff we had MADD. We had assembly programs aimed at 11th and 12th grade drivers about safety, drinking, and reckless driving, we had to sign an honor agreement about NOT drinking on prom night, and constant reminders from the news, our families, teachers..... But most of all we had this essay printed on the book covers given to us by the school. Back in the day, the schools had paper book covers made up with ads and such for the school. They gave them to us with our textbooks and we were told to use them, it was mandatory. If it got ripped up, we got a new one. They always had this printed out, filling one side of the book cover so you couldn't miss it. I know it made a lot of students really, really think. The 4 years I was in high school we had 3 deaths in the student body. One was drunk driving (an adult hit a students car), one was a rollover (dumb student doing donuts in the stadium lot on a snowy morning), and one was just an accident over a holiday break (student and his family). This worked well. Today's teens seem so much more immune to stuff, they don't want to read an essay, they just ignore what people are telling them, but I don't see anything really working anymore. After all, we tell them they are adults and that they are in charge of themselves, and they take that to mean, "do whatever you want, we don't care". People need to think about this when they "talk" to their teen.
Comment: #8
Posted by: FerretGirl72
Sat Apr 13, 2013 4:04 AM
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LW1--This, as always, is an excellent reminder to all drivers of any age that driving is a serious task that requires complete and undivided attention. I think with the advent of video games, people have a false sense that if they're involved in a serious accident, they can simply start over. Not always the case. In today's modern world of smart phones, in-dash entertainment systems, GPS devices and myriad other distractions, it's critical to stay focused on the road and also on the behavior of adjacent vehicles. It literally takes only a split-second for the game to be over...permanently. I would be curious to interview people post-death to see if whatever it was that distracted them was worth it.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Chris
Sat Apr 13, 2013 4:15 AM
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Re: kai archie
Even that won't be. He'll find a way to conmvince himself that it doesn't apply to him. Kids that age can be remarkably stubborn about their blinders when it comes to believing they are invulnerable.
@Carly O, FerretGirl72
I take it back, I'm glad to hear there were some sensible teens who would listen and that it had en impact - I just hope there are some of those teenagers left this time around!
Well... just the same, I've seen that essay so many times I almost know it by heart. On to Margo and Dear Abby, where hopefully there will be a REAL new column.
Hey, you know what? The one getting a day off here is Miss Pasko! Enjoy it, Miss Pasko!
Comment: #10
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Sat Apr 13, 2013 5:14 AM
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Oh crap, not ANOTHER one!!!!!!
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In my fantasy world, when an advice columnist receives a letter that is a request for her/him to reprint something that has been reprinted many times, for many years, already, s/he would instead send a reprint of the original letter to the person, so that THAT PERSON could reread/use it as they wished.
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S/he would then go on to prepare and print a brand-new column as s/he usually does. That way the LW would get what he wants, the public who has either read it to death before, and doesn't want to see it again, or who doesn't give a fig about it, would get what THEY want.
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Or-------less-perfect but acceptable scenario----------s/he would devote PART of the column to a reprint and the rest to new stuff. Everybody could get something they wanted.
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Skeptic that I am, sometimes I even doubt that the request is a real one, but rather it is a made-up letter in order for them to have a day off. Doesn't take a lot of work to send in a reprint of something as your column that day.
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Another alternative------publish the darn thing in a book/pamphlet, and advise the requestor to send a SASE and $2.00 for a copy of the book/pamphlet, which s/he can then read, give to the errant son, etc.. Can't remember if I've seen the Annies do that, but other columnists certainly do. Nice, easy way to make $2.00 off those who didn't have the foresight to save it the first time.
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To me, any of these are preferable to one person getting something he wants at the expense of the majority who really don't want to see a rehash of something. For those who read it and enjoyed it originally-----------maybe this time, CUT IT OUT AND SAVE IT. Reread whenever you want. You save the effort of writing to the Annies, and others get to see a brand-new column. Everybody wins--------except maybe the Annies, who have to prepare and deliver a column that day in order to get paid.
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OK, off the soapbox and on to do something else with the time I usually spend reading the column. (Perhaps a good thing, maybe the 'something else' will be more productive. I could clean the fridge.)
Comment: #11
Posted by: jennylee
Sat Apr 13, 2013 6:09 AM
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Re: Chris, You never cease to amaze me. Although your acerbic wit is always a hoot- today you are coming across as a caring soul. I love seeing all your sides.
Comment: #12
Posted by: Penny
Sat Apr 13, 2013 6:14 AM
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Re: Lise Brouillette
Aw, sugar! I've just this minute gone and looked to see how many times they've reprinted this essay since being archived here. But I won't tell you __ ;-)
Relentless rain here, but that gives me the excuse to catch up on some columns from last autumn when I was too busy. I'll start making the pizzas soon and Doctor Who is on tonight ~ all-in-all, a perfect day!
Comment: #13
Posted by: Miss Pasko
Sat Apr 13, 2013 7:29 AM
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I wonder how many teenagers actually read Annie's Mailbox.
Comment: #14
Posted by: Soozan
Sat Apr 13, 2013 7:37 AM
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Re: Soozan
Well, many of us did read Ann Landers when we were teenagers, and it is to be hoped that humanity has not changed that much in that long period of time! ;-D
Comment: #15
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Sat Apr 13, 2013 8:18 AM
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Day off??
Seriously folks, the Annies probably go through a couple of dozen letters in a day, then spend the rest of the week at their real jobs, or whatever else they do.
Comment: #16
Posted by: Carol
Sat Apr 13, 2013 8:39 AM
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It's ironic that today's letter appeared the same day in a daily newspaper as a news article about classmates of a teen-aged boy reflecting on his life, days after he died in a tragic accident. At this point, we do not know -- nor may we never, except that authorities are saying that cellphone use is NOT suspected -- what happened in those last few seconds, or what may have caused this handsome young man to swerve into the oncoming lane of a rain-slickened highway and collide head-on with an oncoming vehicle.
What is clear is that the scenario of the tearful family and friends filing past his casket to say their good-byes is about to unfold. It's something that should NEVER happen, but all too often does.
It can happen to any of us, and death does not discriminate ... and in the above case, it was a popular athlete (a linebacker on the football team and key member of the baseball team).
Please, teens, be safe, drive sober, follow the rules. You're worth it!
BTW -- Anyone heard the Red Sovine recitation of this essay? He recorded it in 1977, just a few years before his death ... and it is THE perfect reading of this valuable essay.
Comment: #17
Posted by: Bobaloo
Sat Apr 13, 2013 8:52 AM
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Re: Bobaloo
For those who care to hear Sovine's recitation...
http: / / www . youtube . com / watch?v = aF - MnadiMWE (The usual routine, take out the spaces)
Personnally, I would have let a moment of silence sink in, in-between paragraphs 4 and 5 and then picked up in a much softer voice, but my main complaint about his version (which is otherwise excellent) is that the voice is too old. It destroys the suspension of disbelief. Justin Bieber or some other wonder kid should the one recording this.
And btw, I notice the version printed here has been CENSORED. (And right here and now in America, shame, shame, shame)
Comment: #18
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Sat Apr 13, 2013 9:26 AM
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I'm 70 and even I can remember reading this essay as a teen. More impactful, however, was the fact that during my sophomore year I lived in a small rural community in the mountains of New Mexico and a carload of 5 fellow students managed to run off a mountain road, killing all of them. The entire student body of that small consolidated high school (about 600 students) attended the funeral en masse; the school provided buses to transport everyone. Between that and a term of driving instruction during my senior year in El Paso, where we were required to sit through the very gorey film "Death on the Highways" right before lunch, I was always a more than cautious driver...as I believe were all those students who shared my experience.
Comment: #19
Posted by: graham072442
Sat Apr 13, 2013 12:54 PM
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A lot of teens, heck, a lot of their parents don't know this essay exists. Perhaps it being in the paper will save one life. Eliza 167 and jennylee, please STFU.
My own son is 17, and from what I've witnessed and have been told by others, he is almost overly cautious. Really, a turn signal to turn into a driveway at the end of a dead-end street? When I mentioned it, he said, "It's good to form good habits early." I hope he stays this cautious. Please please please don't turn into a statistic.
Comment: #20
Posted by: Siege
Sat Apr 13, 2013 1:37 PM
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A boy in my high school died in a car accident during our junior year. He and his buddies were playing "chicken" on a back road, and unfortunately he didn't stop when he should have. He used to sit next to me in history class and he'd sometimes borrow my notes. He played soccer, was a good student, and popular, but was nice to everyone (even the nerd I was back then). My dad was the police officer who was called to the scene of his accident, and forced me to go to his funeral (although frankly I probably would have gone anyway). His father was our family's pediatrician. His poor mother looked like someone had kicked her in the stomach and just kept on kicking.
I've never forgotten the experience even after all these years (this happened in 1985!) and have often wished he had read this column before getting behind the wheel that night. Such a tragic, senseless loss. If reprinting this column saves even one family from that tragedy, then I'm all for it.
Comment: #21
Posted by: C Weisinger
Sat Apr 13, 2013 1:52 PM
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Re: Siege
"Really, a turn signal to turn into a driveway at the end of a dead-end street? When I mentioned it, he said, "It's good to form good habits early." "
He's absolutely right. It's not a question of turning the turn signal on for nobody, it's question of developing the reflex of turning the turn signal on no matter what.
This way it becomes a second nature to do it, and you don't have to think every time, "is there someone behind me who needs to know", because you always turn it on automatically, without thinking. Rely on thinking about it, and there will be the one time when you forget because you're distracted, tired, or trying to multitask. And that one time time may NOT be to turn into a driveway at the end of a dead-end street, and what's behind you may be a 20-wheeler.
Your son sounds like a remarkably sensible kid. I hope he does the same about his dead angle. I assume he wouldn't be one of the imbeciles who had already removed their snow tires - big snow/sleet/ice pellets/freezing rain storm here yesterday. Windy, too. You name it, we got it yesterday, and then rain over it all. I hibernated at home, so I wasn't a witness to all the stupid things Montreal drivers do in such times, but I'm sure it wasn't pretty. Idiots.
Comment: #22
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Sat Apr 13, 2013 2:24 PM
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I just want to mention--the request for this column could well have been mailed in. It's amazing how many people there are out there who aren't online at all. I know a couple personally. I don't think they know what they're missing. :)
Comment: #23
Posted by: deb
Sat Apr 13, 2013 2:59 PM
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Re: Siege #20
Thank you, but I don't think I will shut up (to politely paraphrase your vulgarity). I say good for your son if he is a cautious driver. I doubt this letter will save his life, but perhaps whoever taught him good driving habits will contribute to it. And if that was you, well then, good for you.
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Not sure if you are new here or not, but if you believe that you can just tell anyone who disagrees with you to shut up, or call them names and get them to go away, good for you---------see how that works for you.
Comment: #24
Posted by: jennylee
Sat Apr 13, 2013 4:38 PM
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Frankly, I don't care how often or in what forms this kind of message comes in -- it does no harm and could do some good, so I'm perfectly content that the occasional column is dedicated to such messages.
Comment: #25
Posted by: Mike H
Sat Apr 13, 2013 6:33 PM
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Carly O, what part of "post a URL" don't you understand? Anyone interested in reading (or rereading) this trite little essay could find it online.
Comment: #26
Posted by: Baldrz
Sat Apr 13, 2013 11:14 PM
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Re: Baldrz
Baldrz, first of all one would have to know that this "trite little essay" existed in the first place. Our kids don't go looking online for essays that might make them more aware of things that could hurt them.
I am kind of surprised at your nastiness to me. I proudly work for AT&T and we are all over the message of safety for our kids, and making everyone taking the pledge of no texting while driving.
Sheesh, I do not understand your nasty attitude.
Comment: #27
Posted by: Carly O
Sun Apr 14, 2013 3:15 AM
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Re: Mike H
Mike, I thank you for agreeing about this column. I really do not think the Annies do very much of this kind of thing, and while I miss the old printed newspaper where I went to read Dear Abby, Miss Manners, and even the old decorator, Carleton Varney, those columns made serious impressions on me.
The internet has changed so much about life, but I think certain messages might get through to even a few kids and if the Annies or me putting that sticker about no texting while driving makes one kid think through it and stop, it is worth it.
Comment: #28
Posted by: Carly O
Sun Apr 14, 2013 3:23 AM
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Lise #22, I am actually proud of my son for using his turn signal no matter where he is and for forming good habits, as he says. It just cracked me up because you don't usually see people using a turn signal to go into a driveway on what is an untraveled street.
And jennylee, I'm here quite often and will say what I like. For many people, this is the first time they've read Dead At 17. So sorry that you missed your daily dose of reading because the Annie's again printed this very important message. Instead of moving on to the next column or whatever it is you read, you chose to write your own essay blasting the Annie's for reprinting something. It's just not that big of a deal sweetie; no need to cry. Pull up your big girl panties and move on.
Comment: #29
Posted by: Siege
Sun Apr 14, 2013 7:20 AM
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Re: Siege #29
Wow!!!! "Sweetie"? "Big girl panties"?
Shall I just "kiss your grits" and be done with it?
Bless you, and have a nice day. Or whatever.
.
Comment: #30
Posted by: jennylee
Sun Apr 14, 2013 7:52 AM
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Re: Baldrz
Surprising as it is to people like you and I (who do know what they would be missing), not everyone has access to Internet and not everyone even owns a computer. I happen to know a few who don't, and who still get their news the good ol' fashioned way, from the printed newspaper or telly.
Comment: #31
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Sun Apr 14, 2013 10:13 AM
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Re: Lise Brouillette (#18)
FWIW – I think why some people like Red Sovine's version of "Dead at Seventeen" is because of his ability to become emotional at a moment's notice. Here, with the boy crying out when he realizes that he's been "killed," sees everyone passing by his casket and then to beg for "another chance."
You'll notice this in many of his biggest hits, most notably in "Teddy Bear" (where he speaks of the little boy explaining his paralysis and that his father was dead, having died in a car accident just a few months earlier; and then again at the end when Red tries to end the story before he begins to cry).
Comment: #32
Posted by: Bobaloo
Sun Apr 14, 2013 12:29 PM
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Carly O: "Nasty attitude"? Go back and read your snotty little post. And readers would know the trite little essay existed _if the Annies posted the URL_. Get it?
Lise: You're right that there are people who don't have Internet access and read this column in the paper, but I'm willing to bet almost none of them are teenagers about to start driving. Do today's teenagers even know what newspapers are? ;)
Comment: #33
Posted by: Baldrz
Mon Apr 15, 2013 12:49 AM
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Re: Baldrz
True. But teenagers are also notoriously bone-lazy for the most part and, if you want them to read something, it's safer to shove it in their face than expect them to look for it.
Also, I'd be curious to know how many households with a teenager in it still don't have Internet or even a computer, or have a computer but no Internet, and the kid only has access at friend's houses or at school.
I've seen this essay so many times I almost know it by heart. Sure, I would have prefered a brand new column. But I can see the usefulness of a rerun for something like that.
Comment: #34
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Tue Apr 16, 2013 4:59 PM
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Erratum - At a friend's house
Comment: #35
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Wed Apr 17, 2013 3:35 AM
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