Editor's Note: Hundreds of Ann Landers' loyal readers have requested that newspapers continue to publish her columns. These letters originally appeared in 1999.
Dear Ann Landers: My 32-year-old daughter is getting married for the second time. My daughter and I have a good relationship, but my ex-wife and I barely speak. She and my daughter made all the wedding preparations and paid for the whole thing without any assistance from me. I received a wedding invitation, but it excluded my fiancee, "Greta."
Greta and I have been together for the past six years. During this time, my daughter has visited us often and always seemed comfortable with the relationship. Greta is very hurt and angry that she was not invited to the wedding. She asked me to speak to my daughter about the "oversight" and said that if no invitation was forthcoming, I should not go to the wedding, either.
I spoke to my daughter, who told me it was the expressed desire of her mother, my ex-wife, not to invite Greta. My daughter receives a lot of financial help from her mother and is obviously reluctant to go against her wishes.
What should I do? If I attend the wedding alone, Greta will think I let her down. If I don't go at all, my daughter will assume I favor my fiancee over her and will be crushed. Any suggestions would be appreciated. — Dad in Bonita, Calif.
Dear Dad: Greta should have been invited to the wedding, since she has been your significant other for six years. She was not invited, however, which means she is not welcome. It would be classy of Greta to say, "Go — have a good time, and bring me a piece of wedding cake." If she does not choose to be gracious, go anyway. This is your daughter's day, and her wish to have you there takes precedence.
Planning a wedding? What's right? What's wrong? "The Ann Landers Guide for Brides" will relieve your anxiety. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.