Take it from me, ladies; men don't want to be our savior. In this wildly changing world — where the unpredictable happens daily — no man, not even a big hunk with a bigger ego, has the time or energy for a cloying, dependent femme. Let's face it; to be a needy female is to be a relic from the past — totally out of step with today's style of loving. And for the minority reluctant to surrender the needy script, they need to know they can't have it both ways, needy in male company but fiercely undependent out in the larger world. Now that we've become comfortable with that potency, let's soften its edges a bit and bring it into our love partnerships. Being a savior is (yawn) BORING.
Again and again, "Single File" touts the deliciousness of older-younger coupling. Men — the wealthy ones — have enjoyed the arrangement for eons, more than happy to have their arm candy envied. Well, that's fine. What irks this columnist is that women don't get in on the fun. Why, oh why, don't we get the message and take a young'un to be our own — till death (or a change of heart) do us part? Are our wrinkles stopping us? That could explain the resistance. But I'm not buying it. There's got to be more going on to keep us women from coupling with a young'un. For now, at this delicate stage of our empowerment (sigh), let's let the matter of female insecurity lie. But the delicious experience deserves a closer look. The young lover is tutored by the older woman's greater life experience, gently educated in lessons his mother never taught him. What does he bring to the liaison? The allure of young flesh, yes, but beyond that, the rewards of having been born in times of sexual freedom — with an absence of inhibiting sex roles/rules, total freedom of expression, encouragement of women's assertiveness. In his value scheme, who does what (and when) simply doesn't exist in lovemaking. Their bedroom life is mutually nurturing. He is a far different sex partner from the ones she has known. Enough said.
Lately, passports have been on my mind. (Media influence, no doubt.) My preoccupation is not travel between continents, though, but travel between lifestyles. It occurs to me that most of us qualify for dual citizenship, because in this fluid society, we will — more than once — make the trip between single and coupled worlds. When we do migrate from one to the other, we have the ability to make the trip smoothly, with minimal disruption — if we prepare. Preparation must be lifelong, a steady and conscious maintenance of our single core. That diligence (and foresight) will help smooth (and speed) the transition. That individuality is what sets us apart and what makes us the unique person we are. Cultivating it is wise preparation for whatever world we choose to inhabit.
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