Trust me. What I'm about to suggest is beneficial. Yes, it may fall into the category of auto-suggestion, but it's the healthy kind. So healthy, indeed, it may very well make you stronger and abler to bring your life in line with your deepest wishes. And isn't that what we all want? Now that we're agreed on that, let's move on to the good stuff. We're going to take this project step by step. But first, take the phone off the hook and shut the windows. This is definitely quiet time!
Step 1: Promise yourself you'll set aside 10 minutes a day from now on to brainwash yourself in a natural, positive way about your core beliefs and life plans. Each day, choose a different belief. Speak it out loud several times. (For example, "I am a creative person, and I am confident I will find creative solutions to the problems in my life.") Say it in your own words, words you feel comfortable with. Breathe slowly as you wrap your mouth around the words. Eventually, if you give this exercise a chance, you'll actually be feeling the words in your body.
Repeat the phrase as you drift off to sleep, on your way to work, as you walk the supermarket aisles. The words are especially helpful when you're feeling down. (I know.) Learn them as you would learn a language, incorporating them into your thoughts. With daily repetition, they will resonate and speak your truths to yourself. Self-confidence will begin building, slowly but insistently. Gradually, you will believe them and feel lighter, less burdened by the weight of problems.
Pretty soon, people around you will begin to notice the changes, and their comments will reinforce your new way of being you. It's quite possible that the effects of your work on yourself will rub off on them! Imagine. It's quite possible that you will begin a cycle of transformation while you yourself are becoming:
—Clearer about who you are and what you need from your life.
—Readier and abler to express that clearer vision.
—Surer of the decisions you make.
—More compatible with others and with yourself.
—Less self-conscious about being unmarried.
—Less timid about taking the initiative. (That's assertion, not aggression.)
—Less anxious about the future.
—More content with your life.
—More honest with the other gender.
—More prepared to be a friend and partner.
During this period of metamorphosis, while you're making these changes a part of your personhood (and growing comfortable with them), I suggest you avoid making a major commitment. This interim, a period of growing into your wholeness, is the time to be looking around at all kinds of relationships for examples of love partnership. While you're seeing yourself evolving into more of a person, think through the sort of love that feels right with this new self-image, really the new you. My hope for you is a mutual love that encourages individuality.
Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected]