Patrick was a senior in high school when he decided to stop allowing society to define him. He "turned on that light in the closet, found the knob and walked out with tears in his eyes and some extremely sweaty palms."
Over the course of a year, he came out first to his best friend, his 14-year-old sister, then his 22-year-old brother.
"One night, the four of us went up to my parents' room and shared the news. Truthfully, it was hard for them to understand at first. I was bombarded with questions as I sat there holding my sister's hand. My favorite was 'How do you know?' To which I replied, 'How did you know you were straight?'
"It took only a second of confusion and recognition before my mother jumped up and gave me a hug I can still feel today. Like I said earlier, I am lucky to have two of the most supportive parents."
Patrick says after this milestone, he felt more empowered than ever. He was in college and became a campus leader. He studied abroad in Ireland and England. He has become a champion for gay rights and a mentor in the gay community.
"Since coming out of the closet, I've encouraged people to be proud of who they are. I continuously support individuals who hope to walk out of the closet proudly. I understand that I'm extremely blessed and that not every coming out story has its happily-ever-after. I'm an avid supporter of the 'It Gets Better' campaign.
"But trust me, I know it's hard to believe that things will just 'get better.' And, truthfully, what does that even mean? It's kind of naive to tell yourself, 'Oh, it'll get better.' There needs to be some effort.
If we're proud of who we are, no one can knock us down. We need to accept each other, but it starts with accepting ourselves."
Patrick would love to say that he has a full and satisfying romantic life, but he doesn't. He's had one serious relationship, but currently he isn't seeing anyone. "I enjoy going on dates, but it's often difficult to find individuals that I'm interested in who are openly gay to friends and family. That has definitely been another struggle in and of itself.
"Closeted individuals tend to come out to others in the gay community, but they struggle with opening up to family and close friends. I know some students around campus who are gay, but they're still in the closet. We live a near double life before coming out.
"My biggest fear when I was thinking of coming out was that I would be classified by a negative stereotype that some people have of the gay community. In college, the more masculine gay students struggle with coming out for fear up being 'de-masculinized' and rejected from their peers. Even though they know they are gay, most of them aren't out.
"I'd rather go on dates with guys who are open to their friends and family, but I'm more often attracted to the more masculine guys who, more often than not, are still in the closet."
Are you still in the closet? Did you come out? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my new website, askcheryl.net.
COPYRIGHT 2013 CREATORS.COM
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6 Comments | Post Comment
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I never heard of the "It gets better" campaign. It sounds like magical thinking. In my experience, very little ever just gets better on its own. It does take effort, indeed, from both the gay community and their straight allies. Sharing your story here is a good start. The Unitarian Universalist church has a pamphlet on how to be an ally. You might be able to access it on a website. Basically it says how important it is for straight people who support gays and lesbians to come "out" about that to their friends, too.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Madelyn
Sat Apr 20, 2013 3:55 PM
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Madelyn,that was really, really a CLUELESS post, and there's no excuse for it. Google is your friend.
Are you aware of hos high the suicide rate is among teens in high school or why? It's not because they're lazy little doofuses. It's because by virtue of their age and stage in life, they are forced to remain in a situation that may include not just rejection and bullying by herd-like adolescents, but also put them at risk for beating and being cut off from their own families, homeless before they have they education to support themselves.And because they don't have the context to know that life as an adult, when they can choose where to live, what to do for a living, whom to allow in their lives, will be tons better.
That's not magical thinking. It's the experience of many, many gay men, like Dan Savage and today's LW, and women, who are taking part in the campaign, working and sharing their stories to bring hope to those kids. These kids are often in such precarious situations that "sharing their stories" could be deadly; it could be much, much safer for them to remain in the closet until they are safely on their own.
Why you'd want to publicly criticize the people who are using THEIR experience,which is more relevant here than yours, and volunteering their time to make life better for those kids without your even doing them the basic courtesy of a 30-second Google to learn about it is beyond me.
Comment: #2
Posted by: hedgehog
Sat Apr 20, 2013 8:03 PM
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Hedgehog, you TOTALLY misunderstood my post, and it is important that I clarify what I said so that readers will not see it through your misinterpretation. BTW, I cannot see how you would put that misinterpretation on my post unless you are purposefully twisting my words as an opportunity to launch a personal attack on me.
Where did I mention I was writing to or for high school kids? My post was intended for adults, although high school kids are welcome to read it. There are organizations out there designed specifically for gay/lesbian/questioning teens. I was trying to refer them to one helpful organization, but I'll let them do their googling. What I AM saying that for gays and lesbians their allies, they need to DO something to make if SAFER for high school kids to come out of the closet. I DO think it is magical thinking to assume that things will just "get better" without any effort on anyone's part. Doing nothing usually just makes any situation worse, because that's when the meanest bullies take over.
I did NOT criticize those who used their experience to make things better. I said that LW was doing a positive thing by sharing his story. It seems we are on the same side on this issue, Hedgehog, so I don't understand why you are using this as a vehicle for a personal attack on me.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Madelyn
Sun Apr 21, 2013 11:42 AM
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. What I AM saying that for gays and lesbians their allies, they need to DO something to make if SAFER for high school kids to come out of the closet. I DO think it is magical thinking to assume that things will just "get better" without any effort on anyone's part.
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Madelyn, that is EXACTLY what gays, lesbians and their allies ARE doing in their "It Gets Better" campaing! You criticized something for its name, saying that it sounded like magical thinking to expect that things will get better without effort. The name was chosen for a specific reason unique to its purposd.
There IS no magical thinking involved anywhere in this campaign. You really need to Google "It Gets Better campaign" before you critique it as a movement OR as a name.
Comment: #4
Posted by: hedgehog
Sun Apr 21, 2013 2:57 PM
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Hedgehog, cool your jets. If you can't disagree respectfully, just don't post at all. Your negativity discourages all of the posters. LW asked, "What does that even mean?" I'm sure there are a number of different legitimate responses, but respect other posters' viewpoints. They aren't all the same.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Samantha
Sun Apr 21, 2013 3:35 PM
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Cool your own jets, Samantha.
LW did NOT ask "what does it mean?" and neither did Madelyn. Instead, she actively criticized a group that's been around and received a fair amount of publicity for several years, doing EXACTLY what she recommended be done to help LGBT youth. But she criticized them for nothing more than their name.
No, everyone's viewpoint is not the same. I respect everyone's ability to hold one that differs from mine. But if you're going to post a viewpoint, you can expect that it will be criticized if it''s not rooted in fact and logic, or if you criticize something not for what it IS, but for what you THINK it is. Without stopping in your fervor for 30 seconds to check Google and find out.
Comment: #6
Posted by: hedgehog
Tue Apr 23, 2013 4:22 PM
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