Dear Margo: My daughter was sexually assaulted by a member of her command in Iraq two years ago. She received a "less than honorable" discharge due to reporting a rape. She'd never had disciplinary problems and was always looked on as a leader.

Prior to the military she was happy, motivated and looking forward to life. She was captain of her school's soccer and volleyball teams, a straight-A student, and scored a 1540 on her SATs. She turned down Ivy League schools to be able to follow her grandfather, father and brothers in serving our country.

She was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Military Sexual Trauma (MST). She is depressed and sleeps 18 hours a day. She's drinking heavily and afraid to go out for fear of being raped. She does not have any friends because she feels "it's safest not to trust anyone."

We've tried to help her find a job, but she's afraid of working with men. Our daughter is filled with anger that her rapist is still in the Army and able to continue with his career. She fought a hard battle with the military police to investigate this man, but they refused.

She goes to counseling twice a week, is on six medications and has been a sporadic inpatient in the psych ward. We've been trying everything but nothing is working. Any advice? — Desperate Army Mom in Florida

Dear Des: What an awful and heartbreaking story, and not all that unusual, sad to say. I suggest you go to your congressman, then your local newspaper, to drum up interest . . . and perhaps bring this skunk to justice. The spotlight of public attention has been known to reverse military iniquities such as this.

Regarding your daughter's mental health, a good place to start would be a support group for rape victims, perhaps adding in AA. You or your husband could take her and pick her up so she would feel safe. The support of others will convince her that she need not sacrifice the rest of her life to the unfairness of what happened, and also that she is a good person who got a raw deal.

I do think reopening the issue with your congressman — and the press — will give her some feeling of empowerment. Harnessing anger can be constructive. — Margo, restoratively

The Popsicle Husband: Frozen Stiff

Dear Margo: I've been married for 10 years. Everyone I know thinks my husband is God's gift to women. I just do not see it, and now I want a divorce. I had two kids prior to getting married, then 2 and 6.

We have had many arguments because he will not talk to the now 16-year-old at all. Not hello, goodbye, how are you doing? Absolutely nothing. My son is an honor student and very respectful. When I mention this, my husband tells me, "It's all in your head."

We do not talk, touch, have sex or even watch television in the same room. I feel as though the connection is lost, if there ever was one. We do have twins together, and I know that it would probably be devastating to them if we were to divorce. Do you think this marriage is worth saving? — Love Lost

Dear Love: Why don't you ask him if he thinks the marriage is worth saving? What I get from your letter is that this man does not speak to a well-behaved teenager who's been in his life for a decade, then tells you you're nuts when you mention it.

You say the two of you barely speak, there is no sex, and you cannot even be in the same room for a television show. Try as I might, I cannot see a good outcome. What I don't know is why he has shut down. If you can get at this, you might have a shot, but his denial mechanism sounds pretty strong.

As for the twins, I have long thought that couples who stay together "for the children" are making a mistake, because everyone is unhappy — including the children. — Margo, contemplatively

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.