I'll get straight to it. I've been blessed with a wonderfully supportive family. We are famously even-tempered. Successes are celebrated; unpleasant things aren't discussed. Your mistakes are yours to deal with, unless you ask for help.

Two years ago, I learned from an external source that my favorite uncle had a child from an affair. It turns out all the adults in the family know about the affair and child, even his wife. Of course, nothing's been discussed, just acknowledged.

I'm the only "child" (I'm 22 now) who knows. I'm pretty certain my uncle doesn't know I know. I knew he wasn't perfect, but I did admire him. My disappointment and confusion mean that I haven't felt the same about him since.

I miss the relationship we had. Also, I'm curious about this cousin I've never met. Should I approach my uncle and tell him I know? How do I even begin? — Nervous Niece

Dear Nerv: Given what you write about your family, I would not confront your uncle with the news that you know his secret.

There is no reason you can't recapture the wonderful relationship and admiration you felt. The thing you need to understand is that this happened in the past and really has nothing to do with you or your uncle's admirable qualities. If you are 22, you know that these things happen.

There may, in fact, come a time when he will tell you, and then you might ask to meet the cousin. I think you are dramatizing a situation that is not worth all this angst. — Margo, evenly

WHEN NOT TO TAKE A PEEK AT THE BILL

Dear Margo: I recently went out to dinner with some friends and one of their parents. Her parents were extremely nice, well-mannered people, and I enjoyed meeting them. However, the father (I'll call him "Earl") was somewhat rude to the waitress at dinner.

He was very demanding and impatient and blamed the waitress for things that clearly weren't her fault. I was embarrassed by this, but said nothing and just tried to be as nice to the waitress as I could. I used to wait tables and know firsthand what a difficult job it can be.

When the check came, Earl insisted on paying for everyone. I appreciated his generosity, but I wasn't certain what sort of tip Earl would leave, so I lagged behind and looked at the check after everyone had left. The tip was barely 15 percent, and we had received excellent service.

In this day and age, 20 percent is the standard for good service, and I refuse to leave less because I know how much servers depend on tips. I tucked in extra to make up the difference, but my friend came back, saw me and asked me what I was doing. I explained to her that I didn't feel comfortable leaving such a low tip for the level of service provided.

She said nothing at the time, but later told me she was deeply offended by what I had done and felt that I had been very rude, considering her father's generosity. I apologized for offending her but said I will not leave a low tip for someone who doesn't deserve it.

We worked it out and are fine now, but my question is: Was I being rude? How should I have handled the situation? Situations like this may arise in the future, and I would like to figure out a diplomatic way of ensuring the server gets the tip they deserve without offending anyone. — Big Tipper

Dear Big: Your intention was right, but what you did was rude, if only because you were seen doing it. If it's not your party, you aren't responsible for the host's tipping behavior. If there had been a way to observe what the bill and the tip were — at the time — you could've tucked some extra under your plate in a discreet manner. I have done this. But to lag behind to take a peek is incorrect — for just the reason you are writing about. — Margo, inconspicuously

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. To learn more about Margo Howard or to read features by other writers, visit creators.com.