creators home
creators.com lifestyle web
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Recently

Ovarian Cancer Awareness Dear Annie: September is National Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month as proclaimed by the U.S. Senate and President Obama, whose mother battled the disease. Ovarian cancer is the most deadly of all gynecologic cancers, affecting one in 72 women. It is …Read more. Always the Disciplinarian Dear Annie: I am a proud father of two young children, who both mind and respect me. I know that kids get in trouble. We were all kids once. The problem is, I am the disciplinarian at home, and I wish my wife and her mother did a little more. They …Read more. He Acts Like Everything's Fine Because He Thinks It Is Dear Annie: I am a 55-year-old woman, the youngest of three. When I married 30 years ago, we moved away for my husband's job. Over the years, we have returned for summer visits, especially since our daughters are close in age to their cousins. We …Read more. Scoutmaster But No Saint Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married more than 40 years. He rarely calls me by my name and never uses terms of endearment. He just talks at me. I've put up with his emotional neglect and his forcing me to have sex when I didn't want to. He'…Read more.
more articles

Kissing Cousins Not a Crisis

Comment

Dear Annie: Since my husband discovered that his parents are first cousins, he's been having an emotional crisis that I can't help him with. I was the one who uncovered the secret when I was doing research for a genealogy study to be presented as a gift for my father-in-law's 70th birthday.

I have given my in-laws many opportunities to absolve themselves of their deception, but I must have been far too subtle to make myself clear about the situation. I don't expect an answer from you or your staff members, because I've tried to contact numerous others concerning this subject, and it appears to be taboo for even the most open-minded of venues. — Need Help in California

Dear Need Help: Really? We cannot imagine why. Your in-laws may have done nothing that requires "absolving." Marriage between first cousins is legal in 20 states and is permitted in six others depending on the circumstances. In Biblical times, marriage between first cousins was commonplace.

Instead of sweeping this under the rug and watching your husband freak out, please talk to your in-laws directly. Say you found this information while researching the family tree. Let them discuss it frankly so their son can learn to accept what's already happened and put it behind him. There's no reason for this to become a major crisis. If you are planning to have children (or already do), you might consider genetic counseling now that you have a more complete family history.

Dear Annie: My adult son has a large, dark, textured birthmark on his right cheek. We believe it has caused him to lose out on job opportunities. He has been trying without success to get a job for four years. He is a hard worker, punctual and trustworthy. He has pounded the pavement looking for work and gone online and applied for more than 200 jobs.

A friend of my son's said privately that he would hire him but looking at "that thing" on his face makes him sick.

My question to you is: Are there plastic surgeons out there who would help my son by removing this birthmark at a very low cost? He has no income, and we are not in a position right now to help him financially. — Grateful Mom

Dear Grateful: Your son may qualify for Medicaid, in which case a plastic surgeon may be able to remove the skin growth at no cost if it is potentially malignant. Check at medicaid.gov to see whether your son is covered in his state. He also should check his local hospitals and medical schools. Some surgeons and hospitals have been known to generously donate their skills and facilities for low-income patients.

In the meantime, we suggest he visit his local pharmacy or department store and ask about cosmetics that will cover the birthmark. Or he could try two products we have recommended in the past: Dermablend (dermablend.com) and Covermark (covermark.com).

Dear Annie: The letter from "Tired Daughter" really hit home. My mother was an alcoholic and also blamed my father for her sad life. He finally left, and we kids took the brunt of her sorry existence. Finally, as an adult, I gently cut ties with her. When she developed dementia (partially due to her alcoholism), she ended up in a care facility. My brother and I shared the job of handling her affairs.

So many times, people said, "But she's your mother," as if I had to love her because we were related. We are not forced to love an abuser, no matter who they are. "Tired Daughter" should get on with her life and her family and lose the guilt, with the help of a professional if needed. — Been There in Montreal

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2013 CREATORS.COM



Comments

32 Comments | Post Comment
LW2: Mrs. Walton, is that you?
Comment: #1
Posted by: Soozan
Fri Apr 26, 2013 9:42 PM
@Soozan - Probably, since it couldn't be Mr. Iglesias - his son had that removed.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Steve C
Fri Apr 26, 2013 10:09 PM
* * * * PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT * * * *

LW3 refers to the first letter on 18 January 2013, and was also discussed on 30 March 2013.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Miss Pasko
Fri Apr 26, 2013 10:22 PM
LW2: I did an internet search for birthmark removal. The treatment options are laser resurfacing or light therapy. People who have had this done are usually very pleased with the results and the cost is not as high as I imagined. I like the columnists' suggestion of using a cover make-up temporarily, but I hope you will take your son to a dermatologist or plastic surgeon for a consultation. Once you know how much money it is going to cost, you can figure out how to raise the funds.
Comment: #4
Posted by: PuaHone
Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:49 PM
LW1: What is the family's cultural background? In many parts of the world, marriage between cousins is considered ideal, as your inlaws are also your own family and care about you. (Sometimes the family dynamics do get a bit complicated, though.) My inlaws are from the Middle East, and there are two cousin couples in the immediate family. One worked out very well and the other not, but that's probably average odds for completely unrelated couples, too. It is very common among royalty--get a good look at Queen Victoria's descendants!
Comment: #5
Posted by: partsmom
Sat Apr 27, 2013 12:11 AM
LW1 - First cousin marriage is legal in California, so it's possible that the LW's in-laws don't see any reason to justify their so-called "deception", or that they don't consider it to be anything to be concerned about. If the LW's husband is so bothered by the situation, HE should talk to his parents about it, explain that it upsets him and discuss it with them. In any event, there's nothing to be done about it at this point, so it's something the LW's husband will have to adjust to.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Kitty
Sat Apr 27, 2013 3:06 AM
LW's husband: YOUR PARENTS DID NOT COMMIT INCEST. In the absence of a particular genetic disease like Tay-Sachs or Huntington's, there is no reason from a medical standpoint why first cousins can't marry. Go for a genetic workup, like the Annies recommended.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Kimiko
Sat Apr 27, 2013 4:11 AM
LW1 - Who are YOU to judge these people? You say you have "given them many opportunities to absolve themselves from their deception "- wow you are a piece of work. Maybe you need to see a therapist to help you with your very inflated opinion of your judgmental yourself. I'm thinking your husband is having a hard time with this "inconsequential" information because you keep hammering at him about it. Back off and leave these people alone.
Comment: #8
Posted by: j
Sat Apr 27, 2013 4:37 AM
LW1--"...I've tried to contact numerous others concerning this subject, and it appears to be taboo for even the most open-minded of venues." No nitwit, I'm afraid you're mistaken. Marriage between first cousins WAS taboo and the reasons for being so was because people feared genetic anomalies including mental retardation or physical deformation in the offspring of first cousin couples (those who share at least one grandparent.) Modern science, however, has determined that the odds of this happening is no greater in first cousins than any other couple. Moreover, marriages between first and second cousins account for over 10% of marriages worldwide. They are particularly common in the Middle East, where in some nations they account for over half of all marriages. Your in-laws deceived you about nothing and they have nothing to absolve. You took it upon yourself to nose through their family tree and because you're clearly an ignorant nincompoop you're using the fact that your husband's parents happen to be first cousins to plant seeds of horror and disgust in your husband while also fanning the flames of an unnecessary salacious family drama. My advice is to learn to do your homework before you do or say something stupid that affects others and also to learn to mind your own damn business before you find out exactly why curiosity killed the cat!

LW2--"A friend of my son's said privately that he would hire him but looking at "that thing" on his face makes him sick." First and foremost, I'm sorry but that person was not your son's friend. Also, I find it highly doubtful that your son will be willing to wear makeup on a daily basis in order to hide his birthmark. When coworkers eventually discover the deception, there will be no end to the office gossip, trust me. Medicaid is an option, but don't you think those limited funds should be saved for people with life-threatening problems? That's irrelevant anyway because even though we live in a sex and beauty obsessed culture of superficial vapid morons a la The Kardashians, I doubt very much that your son's birthmark is the reason he can't find a job. What was his major? Doe he have a real, marketable skill? Is your son outgoing and personable? Are his expectations realistic? Does he follow-up with potential employers or does he simply submit a resume and wait by the phone? We're in a very down economy right now and even well-educated people with highly technical skills are having trouble landing jobs. Doing so in this climate takes strategy and follow-through. My advice is to sit down with your son to go over his resume and the try to figure out what he's doing at his interviews that's causing potential employers to look elsewhere.

LW3--It seems as though your mother really blew it! Good riddance.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Chris
Sat Apr 27, 2013 4:49 AM
LW1, If what you are telling us is true, that would mean that neither your husband nor you know any of his extended family. No grandparents! No aunts or uncles! No cousins! He has no contact with any of these people? It would have been obvious as a child that his parents were related since at least one set of grandparents would be the same. FIL is soon to be 70 which would mean your husband is most likely in 40's. He has never met any other family member. I'm finding this really hard to believe. All that aside you are one hot mess. I have to guess that you didn't get far into the family tree before this information became apparent, like one generation back. I don't believe a word of this letter.
Comment: #10
Posted by: Penny
Sat Apr 27, 2013 5:22 AM
If you did any research on this topic you would have come to the conclusion that this situation is as common as white bread. Just searching 'facts about cousin marriage' would have given you all the facts you need. Trouble maker or just a prevaricator, I'm going with prevaricator. Unless your husband lived under a rock his entire childhood this senerio is bogus.
Comment: #11
Posted by: Penny
Sat Apr 27, 2013 6:01 AM
LW1 - Like Penny, I'm wondering how the LW's husband never knew this. Did he never realize that his mother and father's parents were brother and sister (or their mothers were sisters or their fathers were brothers, whatever the case may be)? Did he not realize that his parents had the same grandparents? Didn't he ever see photos from his parents' childhood and saw they were in the same family? How is this possible not to know?

Anyway, you are wrong in saying that they should've absolved themselves in their deception. They did not do anything wrong. You act as if you undercovered your ILs' years of embezzeling from the family business. They got married. And it was likely perfectly legal. In my opinion, you are the one who owes your ILs an apology for treating them like criminals. Your husband should seek a counselor since he is very bothered by this.

LW2 - I have a hard time believing your son can't get a job because of a birthmark. If that were the case, anybody with a disability or an "abnormality" would be unemployed. My current and/or past co-workers have included those with a lazy eye, half an arm from a birth defect, a permanent limp from an injury, etc. They all got jobs. It must be something else. But if your son fully believes it's his birthmark, then he should visit a dermotologist and ask what his options are.
Comment: #12
Posted by: Michelle
Sat Apr 27, 2013 6:41 AM
Re: Michelle,, I also found this LW2 to be strange. But since I went after LW1 I thought BTL might find me a bit grumpy this AM, so I let it go.
Comment: #13
Posted by: Penny
Sat Apr 27, 2013 6:51 AM
I agree with Penny. How could the husband be so dense to go his entire life and not clue into the fact that his mom's grandparents...are also his DAD's grandparents? That his mom's aunts and uncles...are also his DAD's aunts and uncles? He seriously never considered before now that that was a bit strange? And if they've been estranged from their entire family all this time and he's never met the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins his parents have in common, or ever seen family photographs of them together as children or other common family groupings, then how would a family tree make a nice gift for them? And most of all, who is the LW to decide she needs to "absolve themselves of this deception?" Mind your own business! You are a piece of work.
Comment: #14
Posted by: Jane
Sat Apr 27, 2013 6:53 AM
One more note...I have to wonder if the LW and her DH had a wedding. Because if so, you would've thought the LW wouldn't noticed that her MIL and FIL's families were the same.
Comment: #15
Posted by: Michelle
Sat Apr 27, 2013 6:54 AM
To add to the comments on Lw1, she obviously is not very well read to be scandalized by such a tribal thing. Classical literature is full of married cousins. It may be a problem if several generations marry cousins, but your husband is fine so why worry?
My grandparents were related in a complex way. One priest refused to marry them saying they were first cousins and another did marry them saying they were second cousins. Either way the biggest problem that came from it was when my mom needed to give her mother's maiden name people thought she was stupid because her married name was her maiden name as well. I learned all this by junior high. Most schools assign a family tree project where you look back to great-grandparents. I went over our family tree with my daughter last week to explain the Tigger Movie (Tigger wants to find his family, so he looks for the Tigger family tree in the woods). That was not the first time since we did a family tree in art class last fall. How this guy went so long without knowing is beyond me.
Comment: #16
Posted by: MT
Sat Apr 27, 2013 7:59 AM
LW1 -
" *YOU* have given your in-laws many opportunities to absolve themselves of their deception"? Who do you think you are, God sitting in the Last Judgment Seat?

For openers, first cousin marriages are legal in all of Canada. In the US, it ranges from legal with no restrictions to being a criminal offense. Go to http: / / en.wikipedia.org / wiki / File : Cousin_marriage _ map1.svg (take out the spaces) for futher details. It is common in the Middle East, Asia and in the Muslim world in general. The advantage is that it consolidates families and keeps the assets and children within the family.

It is mostly the Catholic church who has a problem with first cousins marrying, and special dispensaion has to be granted by the Pope himself (historically, they have had no problem granting it to the rich and noble - yrrrch) . First-cousins marriages are therefore much more taboo in communities where the Catholic church has a strong influence, even when it is legal civilly, and even though recent research has proved that the genetic risk is comparable to that of perfect strangers. Proof of which, parts of the world where it is very common don't seem particularly plagued by genetic defects. There are many examples of first cousins being married in the Bible.

Researching the question a bit shows that the reasons behind the Catholic church's opposition have a lot more to do with politics and finances, with resistance to the Germanic influence and with infighting within the Church itself, than with morality or genetics.

I have a feeling your outrage is mostly what makes it so difficult for your husband to get over this horrible, traumatic, deep, dark, dirty secret. And frankly, since it is his parents who were first cousins and not his tenth generation ancestors, you certainly didn't have to dig very deep.

I would suggest you come down from your very high horse already, stop mistaking yourself for the Pope, mind your own flippin' business and put a clamp on it. Get a genetic search done if you're so concerned about future children. Interesting that YOU are the one right now who's exibiting aberrant behaviour.

LW2 -
Yes, you might succeed in getting Medicaid's help to remove it if there is a danger that the lesion can become cancerous. This mostly happens when there is regular or recent change in the lesion. I had a mole removed that way, when it started sprouting hairs, and Quebec Medicare covered it.

Dermablend is an excellent product, but is only effective when the skin is smooth. Spreading it over textured skin is only going to make it look worse. Your son needs surgery. The rest of what the Annies said.

Get an assessment and don't be afraid to ask for second and third opinions. You have to know what kind of money you need to raise to get rid of this impediment.

Do look into the rest of your son's markettable skills. It may be that an improvement can be effected there also. He could also possibly benefit from some job-seeking workshop. Just because he applied for over 200 jobs doesn't mean he did it in an effective way. Unless he followed one such workshop recently and is applying what he learned, there will be plenty of tricks of the trade that he knows nothing about. Precisely because he starts at a disadvantage, he needs to boost up everything else.

P.S.: "A friend of your son's said privately that he would hire him but looking at "that thing" on his face makes him sick"? Wonderful friend he's got there. With friends like that, he doesn't need enemies.

P.P.S.: Why didn't you do what was needed to get that off his face when he was a child? I'm sure school was a nightmare for him.

LW3 -
Suggested one-liner: "Did you tell her "But she's your DAUGHTER" when she was abusing me?"

The punishment SOME people expect others to put up with, when it's not them of course - in other words, it only counts when it's being done to THEM. Sheesh.

You didn't abandon your mother and you and your brother are still looking after her - from a safe distance. Nothing wrong with that, and this is actually more than she deserves. Enjoy your drama-free life without guilt. The woman made her own bed.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

@partsmom #5
"It is very common among royalty--get a good look at Queen Victoria's descendants!"
The reason why it was common amongst royalty was because of the difficulty of finding "suitably" noble matches for crown heirs. All European nobility is related closely or distantly, and the relationships have led to a lot of animosity and conflict between the French and the English, because several times the King of France had a legitimate claim on the throne of England or vice-versa. Check out the causes for war of 100 years!

Unfortunately, the repeatedly close inbreeding also occasionally led to serious genetic problems (royalty is not called "blue-blood" for nothing), and there were several royal scions who were outright insane because of genetic anomalies. Google "insane kings and queens" for a complete list.

@Chris #9
"Don't you think those limited funds should be saved for people with life-threatening problems? "
I have two friends who are disfigured - one who lives in Boston (I checked with her last week to make sure she was okay), and another one I worked with in a production when she was still in Montreal. Given the distance, I have not been out with either of them often and even then, I have seen the way they get treated by people everywhere they go.

The sensitivity to and quest for mathematical regularity ("beauty") are a very, very strong instinct in humans. Being misshapen or disfigured is enough to ruin your life, which is why doctors donate their time and expertise to repair cleft palates in third world country children. I think the expenditure of the funds is perfectly justified. If it is not, you can rest assured that he won't be eligible.

You don't think this is a reason why he's refused employment? His own "friend" has admitted to the discrimination, what makes you think perfect strangers will be more tolerant? You certainly aren't exhibiting much compassion for him yourself.

The man has people staring at him, commenting and possibly asking intrusive questions every time he steps out of the house. I'm sure school years were traumatic. And given the level of bullying in today's schools, such a deformity WOULD be life-threatening to any child nowadays. Once again you show the world how bad you are at walking in other people's shoes.

Comment: #17
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Sat Apr 27, 2013 8:00 AM
It was early and I'd only had one cup of coffee, so I was looking at LW1's letter strictly from a legal standpoint originally, but I agree with the other posters who have said that it's really strange that the LW's husband didn't realize that he had a lot of mutual relatives on each side of the family! That in itself makes almost no sense. The LW is definitely way out of line in making a huge deal out of something that is really of no consequence, and it's entirely possible that her reaction to the "revelation" is what's upsetting the husband, and not the fact that his parents were cousins. His parents did nothing wrong, which is possibly the reason they haven't taken the LW's "hints" to explain themselves -- they have nothing to explain themselves about! The LW is definitely the one with the problem and I feel sorry for her husband because of it.
Comment: #18
Posted by: Kitty
Sat Apr 27, 2013 8:26 AM
@ Lise Brouillette Re: #17

"Once again you show the world how bad you are at walking in other people's shoes."

And apparently you have the uncanny ability to walk in everyone's shoes...

Don't you think you're overreacting at best and projecting at worst? Look Lise, the LW clearly states that her son has a birthmark on his cheek. So what? That one person was grossed out by it says something about one person, not the population at large. We're not discussing a disfigurement along the lines of the elephant man or even something that would draw attention like Polydactyly. I have attended school with and later worked with people who have large facial moles or port wine birthmarks that covered half their face and upper torso. I've also worked with people who have sustained life altering injuries as a result of their military service. These people were confident an proud; nobody said boo to them let alone bullied them. If that sort of thing happens with regularity in Montreal then count me lucky I don't live in your city. I stand by my comment that limited government medical funds should be reserved for life-saving procedures. Maybe the LW's son can find a philanthropic doctor to remove his birthmark pro bono but don't expect me as taxpayer to foot the bill for someone's vanity. If the LW's son's birthmark is causing him so much consternation that it's affecting his ability to get work, it sounds the the onus is on HIM to see a therapist to figure out how to function in the world where not everyone is Vogue worthy.
Comment: #19
Posted by: Chris
Sat Apr 27, 2013 9:48 AM
At #8, well said and I too am horrified that someone would require a family member to apologize to them for marrying their first cousin. And lady, way to go, winding up your husband to be ashamed and freaked out by his parents. This situation is of your own making, you're the one who turned information into a weapon to be used against the family.

At this point, letter writer #1, you should be asking for THEIR forgiveness and explain your selfish sense of propriety.

I would love to hear from the in-laws and find out how they cope with a trouble-making daughter-in-law.
Comment: #20
Posted by: Chelle
Sat Apr 27, 2013 10:29 AM
Re: Chris
"We're not discussing a disfigurement along the lines of the elephant man or even something that would draw attention like Polydactyly. "
It doesn,rt have to be that bad to draw attention, and we don't know how bad it is. There is a difference between a birthmark the size of a mole, and something three inches across, textured and 1/2 inch raised. Thge latter makes it lok like youLve got some geographical feature on your face. The LW does say it is textured, and for the friend to call it "that thing", I would think it's big and raised enough to be quite repulsive.

The people at Medicare will themselves assess the extent of the damage. If they decide he qualifies for assistance, then methinks the mark is pretty disfiguring, and it is not for you to tell them what to do with their funds.

"If that sort of thing happens with regularity in Montreal then count me lucky I don't live in your city."
You gonna pull a holier-than-thou on me now? Oh pul-leeze. The US of A is not exactly innocent as the newborn lamb when it comes to mercilessly bullying anyone not meeting the "Vogue worthy" standard, as obese people can testify. And the ones in jail for shooting in a school - the ones who survived, that is.

As for walking in other peoples' mocassins, I don't pretend to "walk in everyone's shoes", but at least I do try. And "projecting at worst", what do you think I'm projecting exactly? I'm not in the least disfigured, quite the contrary. I don't have the face I had 25 years ago, but what's left of my beauty after 2 1/2 decades of going downhill is still more than a lot of women start with. I WISH I was back to 25 years ago, but don't we all. I'm not complaining.

Comment: #21
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Sat Apr 27, 2013 11:31 AM
Maybe it`s just me and my messed up family but it`s ENTIRELY possible this man had NO clue his parents were cousins. In fact, maybe he DIDN`T meet his grandparents. Maybe he was told they were all dead. I come from one of the illegal places for first cousin marriage and it`s up there with marrying your sister for that crowd. People LIE about it when they move to that state because it`s so frowned upon. Yes, it is a rural backwoods hickville. There`s a reason I left :-D But it wasn`t for my cousin...

anyway the point is yes it`s actually entirely possible that this man has never met his family. And for the record no one was asking the parents to apologize for marrying a cousin, but rather the `deceoption`which yes leads me to think that no, this man had no earthly idea. Likely his parents have no idea wifey knows (and their child) either. It is not in any way uncommon for people who married first cousins to be disowned or to cut off their families entirely, if you come from somewhere it is either frowned on or outright illegal. Where I`m from, you cannot marry cousins until third cousins and even then, people give you the side eye.
Comment: #22
Posted by: wkh
Sat Apr 27, 2013 12:13 PM
Chris for the record I have a mionor facial abnormality. Most folks know SOMETHING is wrong but cannot quite place exactly what. And yes, I have absolutely lost on employment due to it. When you have something on your FACE it`s far more noticable than say, a prosthetic limb or a malformed thumb. It makes people uncomfortable and tho they may not think outright `this squicks me out`it doesn`t put them at ease and those affected lose out.

A few years of unemployment later I sucked it up and when walking into interviews addressed the issue *immediately* and said "oh by the way, just so you know, I know it`s awkward for people but this is the issue..." huh whaddaya know this small change in tactic netted far more second interviews and job offers. This was the ONLY thing I changed.
Comment: #23
Posted by: wkh
Sat Apr 27, 2013 12:16 PM
I find those face birthmarks to be pretty gross, especially if they have hair coming out of them. Even small birthmarks gross me out if they are textured. My husband has a lot of them (and now let's me pluck the hairs out) so I got over those, but I could see how it could affect someone's ability to get work if it was on their face.

I think the makeup idea was just until the job was secured. Then, surprise, meet my birthmark!
Comment: #24
Posted by: Zoe
Sat Apr 27, 2013 4:56 PM
I learn something everyday. I always thought it was illegal for first cousins to marry because of the increased risk of genetic defects in their children, just like if siblings marry and produce children.

I've read that if two identical female twins marry two identical male twins, and each couple has children, those children would not only be cousins, they would also genetically be siblings. Would those cousins be allowed to marry?
Comment: #25
Posted by: Siege
Sat Apr 27, 2013 5:15 PM
LW1: Absolve themselves of what deception? Are you nuts? You and your husband should not breed. If there ever comes a day you two have pulled your heads out of your butts I hope they're around to absolve you.

LW2: Wow. A friend of his said that? Nice. If your son has made it this far through life I doubt his birth mark is holding him back. Haven't you been able to find work despite your disability? There are a lot of people having hard time finding employment.

LW3: I totally agree with you.
Comment: #26
Posted by: Diana
Sat Apr 27, 2013 5:26 PM
Re: wkh & Chelle

If his family lives in California, first cousin marriage is legal and has been for quite some time. Chelle, I fully agree with you. LW is definitely making Mt Everest out of a grain of sand. I have compiled a family tree for my paternal grandmother. I'm out to the 5th cousin level. Several cousin marriages in there, and that family comes from Pennsylvania where its supposedly against the law. Some of them had huge families so even the generations have become skewed. (About 1/3 to 1/2 of my fifth cousins on that side are two generations older than me.)

However, I'm a suppoter of genetic counseling testing, related couples or not. Not govt mandated, but it is a good idea to know if there are any possible issues with a couple wanting children.
Comment: #27
Posted by: Kelle
Sun Apr 28, 2013 6:11 AM
LW1: It's possible that the common grandparents divorced and their children didn't know each other after early childhood, and so their children didn't know anything about the bio grandparents. Might have even thought the stepgrandparents were their actual bio grandparents. Or there may have been adoptions somewhere in the mix.
There was an article yesterday in one of the online news pages that a geneticist had traced the Hapsburg family, which was very heavily intermarried, and found that most of the genetic defects surfaced within the first year of life. They had a higher than average rate of infant deaths, but that also eliminated that DNA from the line. After infancy, the death rate of the children was not significantly higher than average. One of the biggest factors in one of the major royal lines was hemophilia, but that is very rare in general.
Comment: #28
Posted by: partsmom
Sun Apr 28, 2013 7:15 PM
LW1: You guys sound like a couple of drama-llamas. It might seem weird to find this out so late in life, but is it really worth upending the entire family tree over? I think not.

LW2: Jeez, Mom, if the birthmark was so bad, why didn't you get it taken care of when your son was younger? Laser treatment's been around for 15-20 years. You could have done something. That said, the economy isn't great. A lot of people have put in 200 job applications without result, birthmark or no birthmark.
Comment: #29
Posted by: Diabolical
Mon Apr 29, 2013 8:06 AM
Re: Diabolical
"A lot of people have put in 200 job applications without result, birthmark or no birthmark."
Oh, definitely (tell me about it). But especially in the case where there are 200 applications for every opening, the lucky one hired will generally be the one without the gross birthmark. Why pick competent, experienced and repulsive when you can pick competent, experienced and handsome?

Especially since, given the number of applications and the fact thaty someone suitable for the job will be hired, nobody can prove that appearance was a factor. And the employers know this.

Not fair, but life isn't fair.
Comment: #30
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Mon Apr 29, 2013 9:13 AM
I notice LW2 doesn't say that her son has had any interviews. I'm sure if he had attended any/many she would have mentioned it. She doesn't even mention if he has ever held a job. Therefore, I think he could really benefit from career counseling as some have suggested.
Comment: #31
Posted by: Miss Pasko
Mon Apr 29, 2013 12:42 PM
Re: Miss Pasko
More and more employers are require the applicants to submit a picture these days. But yes, he should get career counselling. Sending out 200 applications doesn't mean his CV is attractive and that there isn't plenty more he's unwittingly doing wrong.

Comment: #32
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Tue Apr 30, 2013 8:08 AM
Already have an account? Log in.
New Account  
Your Name:
Your E-mail:
Your Password:
Confirm Your Password:

Please allow a few minutes for your comment to be posted.

Enter the numbers to the right:  
Creators.com comments policy
More
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Sep. `14
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
31 1 2 3 4 5 6
7 8 9 10 11 12 13
14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27
28 29 30 1 2 3 4
About the author About the author
Write the author Write the author
Printer friendly format Printer friendly format
Email to friend Email to friend
View by Month