Put It in Writing Dear Annie: Before my father died, my husband and I promised him we would bring my mother to live with us after he was gone. Our home situation was perfect, although we needed to make a few renovations so Mom would be comfortable. Dad asked to …Read more. Smart Trumps Honorable When Leaving an Abusive Man Dear Annie: I've been in an abusive marriage for nearly 15 years, and I can't take another day. My husband has never hit me. It's all mental and emotional abuse. He calls me horrible names in front of our children. He has constant tantrums where he …Read more. Explore Screening Options During Depression Awareness Month Dear Annie: Looking at me now, you would never think I struggled with mental illness. I am a second-year graduate student studying counseling psychology, and I spend my free time as a competitive equestrian, teaching therapeutic riding, practicing …Read more. Age and Ignorance Don't Trump Responsibility Dear Annie: I beg you to tell adult children not to massage their curiosity and egos by milking the accursed Internet to chase down the other end of their parents' ancient love affairs. I recently got a 75-year-old memory bomb — a phone call …Read more.more articles
Kissing Cousins Not a Crisis
Dear Annie: Since my husband discovered that his parents are first cousins, he's been having an emotional crisis that I can't help him with. I was the one who uncovered the secret when I was doing research for a genealogy study to be presented as a gift for my father-in-law's 70th birthday.
I have given my in-laws many opportunities to absolve themselves of their deception, but I must have been far too subtle to make myself clear about the situation. I don't expect an answer from you or your staff members, because I've tried to contact numerous others concerning this subject, and it appears to be taboo for even the most open-minded of venues. — Need Help in California
Dear Need Help: Really? We cannot imagine why. Your in-laws may have done nothing that requires "absolving." Marriage between first cousins is legal in 20 states and is permitted in six others depending on the circumstances. In Biblical times, marriage between first cousins was commonplace.
Instead of sweeping this under the rug and watching your husband freak out, please talk to your in-laws directly. Say you found this information while researching the family tree. Let them discuss it frankly so their son can learn to accept what's already happened and put it behind him. There's no reason for this to become a major crisis. If you are planning to have children (or already do), you might consider genetic counseling now that you have a more complete family history.
Dear Annie: My adult son has a large, dark, textured birthmark on his right cheek. We believe it has caused him to lose out on job opportunities. He has been trying without success to get a job for four years. He is a hard worker, punctual and trustworthy. He has pounded the pavement looking for work and gone online and applied for more than 200 jobs.
A friend of my son's said privately that he would hire him but looking at "that thing" on his face makes him sick.
Dear Grateful: Your son may qualify for Medicaid, in which case a plastic surgeon may be able to remove the skin growth at no cost if it is potentially malignant. Check at medicaid.gov to see whether your son is covered in his state. He also should check his local hospitals and medical schools. Some surgeons and hospitals have been known to generously donate their skills and facilities for low-income patients.
In the meantime, we suggest he visit his local pharmacy or department store and ask about cosmetics that will cover the birthmark. Or he could try two products we have recommended in the past: Dermablend (dermablend.com) and Covermark (covermark.com).
Dear Annie: The letter from "Tired Daughter" really hit home. My mother was an alcoholic and also blamed my father for her sad life. He finally left, and we kids took the brunt of her sorry existence. Finally, as an adult, I gently cut ties with her. When she developed dementia (partially due to her alcoholism), she ended up in a care facility. My brother and I shared the job of handling her affairs.
So many times, people said, "But she's your mother," as if I had to love her because we were related. We are not forced to love an abuser, no matter who they are. "Tired Daughter" should get on with her life and her family and lose the guilt, with the help of a professional if needed. — Been There in Montreal
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to email@example.com, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
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