Dear Family Coach: My nearly 5-year-old daughter got into a tussle at school. A boy hit her coat with a stick covered in mud. It's unclear whether it was an accident. In response, she and her friend ganged up to completely cover the boy in mud. The teachers required my daughter and her friend to be isolated for lunch and miss recess. My daughter was deeply upset about the incident, and she apologized to the boy immediately on her own. I'm not sure whether I should punish for her actions, too, or assume she was sufficiently penalized. How should I proceed? — Disappointed Mommy

Dear Disappointed: Of course you are feeling disappointed. But try to think about this incident developmentally. Young children are still figuring out how to manage social situations, especially challenging ones. It's possible she felt attacked by the boy and didn't know how to handle it. It's also possible she reacted without thinking through her actions. Smearing mud all over the boy probably seemed like a good idea at the time. She clearly learned an important lesson at school, one that will hopefully shape her behavior moving forward.

The school's punishment was painful for your daughter, and it helped her to see that what she did was wrong. She rightly apologized. More punishment will just be more, and she doesn't appear it need it.

Instead of additional punishment I'd recommend having a conversation with your daughter to try to figure out what happened. She doesn't need a lecture. It might be more helpful to help her process why it happened. She could have told a teacher what the boy did but didn't. In that conversation, I'd try a few scenarios of role play to help her improve her problem-solving skills. Lastly, showing your daughter some empathy. I'd say how proud I was she knew to apologize on her own. Even though she faltered, all is not lost. She should know that mistakes happen but she can make amends by accepting responsibility.

Dear Family Coach: We recently purchased reading lights for our 7- and 9-year-old kids. They tend to enjoy reading in their beds after we tuck them in for the night. I love the fact that they want to read, but I'm also a big believer in the importance of sleep. What's the best way to find balance here so as to not discourage reading? — Trying to Balance Dad

Dear Dad: How wonderful that your children are happy independent readers! Many parents would love to see their kids reading late into the night. However, you are correct in also worrying about their sleep. Children often do not get the required amounts of sleep for their age, and there are long-term consequences of lack of sleep.

Luckily, there are some easy solutions here. Have a nonnegotiable reading light shut-off time. Most elementary school children should get between 10 and 12 hours of sleep. Count back from the time they wake in the morning, and that will give you the shut-off time. For example, if they generally rise at 6 a.m. then lights should be out by 8 p.m. You can give them more reading time if you start the bedtime routine earlier. Also, there is no rule that says they can't read during the day. Encourage more reading time by having books in the car or by the couch or even in your bag for a wait at the doctor's office. Lastly, you might offer slightly later bedtimes on the weekends if they are able to sleep in a bit those days.

There is no danger of squashing their love of reading by ensuring they get enough sleep. You are just letting them know that while reading is important, so is sleep.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.