Dear Cheryl: Please ask your readers about their experiences with male hygiene. I've been at my wits end for almost 30 years because my husband is a slob and doesn't care that his habits disgust me. Is it common and acceptable for men to smell oily and unwashed even after a shower? Is it common and acceptable for them to leave nasty stains on themselves and their underwear? — MARRIED TO THE SLOB

Dear MARRIED TO THE SLOB: I can tell you that it's not common for men to smell dirty after a shower. (The nasty stains are another issue.) I'm sorry you have to live with a man who obviously has no pride in himself and no concern for you. I wonder if he's been to the doctor lately for a complete checkup. Could you make him go? There may be physical reasons for his odor and emotional or mental reasons for his lack of good hygiene.

You should also keep bathroom wipes next to the toilet and encourage him to use them. But, after 30 years, I don't think there's much chance of getting him to change. You might want to make him do his own laundry, however.

Women, what do you have to say about male hygiene?

Dear Cheryl: I've been married for what I thought were 14 happy years, but my husband recently told me he'd had an affair with a co-worker. He said, "I don't love her but she fills a void that you can't."

He says the affair is over, but he feels confused when he sees her at work. We went to counseling, but it didn't help much. He's often sad and in a bad mood.

He says he wants to stay and try to work it out. I love him, but I feel that I'm just sitting around, waiting for him to snap out of it. I'm losing what's left of my self-respect. — I FEEL LIKE A DOORMAT

Dear I FEEL LIKE A DOORMAT: Your husband needs to know that you're not going to sit around indefinitely, waiting for him to resolve his mid-life crisis. He's experiencing the is-that-all-there-is? phenomenon. Tell him to get himself into therapy, pronto.

And you need to see a divorce attorney to find out exactly what you're entitled to in case you do split up. Show your husband the figures. That dose of reality might inspire him to take his therapy seriously. A new job would help, too, so he doesn't have to see you-know-who.

Then find a counselor for yourself and work out some ground rules to which your husband must commit if he wants to stay in the house while he works on his problems. For instance, he can't lay any guilt on you about not filling his "void." That's total baloney. Good luck and stay in touch.

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