What did you marry for? Was it love, money, security, sex or something else?

JENNIFER: I didn't marry for money, and, though I love my husband, I didn't marry for love, either. I married for passion. I don't mean sex — though it's usually great — but passion for the things we're both committed to. And I married for respect. No matter how heated our fights or how cool our sex life, we have a deep appreciation and understanding of each other.

It took an unhappy first marriage to make me realize that these were the important things. Nine years ago, I was married to a liar and cheat. I decided I didn't want to raise two small children in that environment, so I left him and got a job as a cocktail waitress. It allowed me to tuck the kids in at night before I went to work, and then we got to spend the day together.

Seven years ago, I met Marty. Whoever said you can't judge a book by its cover never met him. He looks like an honest type who likes baseball, apple pie, Chevys and John Wayne. Well, he is honest, he loves football, apple pie a la mode, drives only Chevys — his car of choice is a '65 Impala, two-door — and when we moved in together, he brought over an extensive collection of John Wayne movies and a John Wayne clock.

In the first four months we spent together, I went through three babysitters who hated my bar hours. Marty offered to watch the kids since he wanted to be there when I got home anyway. A month later, Mr. Confirmed Bachelor was saying: "Marry me. Have my children."

Here's where the passion comes in. We both love our children deeply. Marty and I have two children of our own, one who is handicapped. On our first son's one-year birthday, Marty adopted my two children. Now they're all ours. We admire each other's passion for our children, our jobs and our country. We both value honesty. Our morals are similar. We strive to earn each other's respect. It took a very painful first marriage for me to realize what is important in a spouse and in a relationship.

DRAKE: I'll be honest. I married for sex. I was 32 and tired of dating and playing games to get a girl to go to bed with me. Lots of times I pretended I liked a girl more than I did because I wanted a physical relationship. I don't think this makes me a bad guy, just a guy.

When I met Sharon, I wasn't blown away. I liked her, liked her family and friends. She liked mine as well. We got along well. The sex was always good and she was always willing. I knew I wanted to have a family someday, and I told myself that we had as good a shot at a happy marriage as any two people. Plus, I'd be getting sex regularly.

Well, after five years of marriage and two kids, I'd say we have a fairly happy marriage. We're good friends and generally have a good time together. We're good parents and committed to our kids. The only thing is, we rarely have sex! The joke's on me!

Has your opinion of someone's attractiveness changed as you got to know them? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to [email protected]. And check out my new website askcheryl.net.