Exes Are Tricky

By Cheryl Lavin

September 30, 2016 3 min read

Dear Cheryl: My ex and I dated for over a year, and we ended our relationship six weeks ago. He said that he felt too much was expected of him.

Since then, I've moved back home temporarily because of my father's health. I'm very lonely, but my ex and I talk and text regularly.

Here's my problem: Before we broke up, he responded to a wedding invitation saying that we would both attend. He's in the wedding party. It's this weekend, five hours away from both of us. I didn't think he'd want me to go, but last night he asked whether he could fly me in to attend with him. I want to go. I enjoy his friends, I enjoy his company, and I miss him. I know I'd have a good time. But I have a lot of questions surrounding this.

Would attending be wrong? Is it too soon to see him? Will it be too tempting to open wounds that haven't healed? Should I be mourning the end of this relationship rather than prolonging it? Is it possible that absence made his heart grow fonder, or am I a fool to think such things happen? Is he asking because he misses me, or because I'm convenient? Should I accept this invitation, or respectfully decline? — Trying to Do the Smart Thing

Dear TTDTST: You have to do the hard thing. You have to tell your ex that you still have strong feelings for him and would like to be back with him, and that you're in a very vulnerable position because of the break-up and being away from home. I know it's hard to be this honest, but this is one of those times when you have to be strong.

Then, ask him whether he invited you because he wants to get back with you or because you're his friend and he doesn't want to go alone. If it's the latter, don't go!

You can't be friends with an ex until you've both moved on and are both in new, happy relationships — not until you're sure neither of you are thinking "what if?" or hoping "maybe someday." And even then, it's tricky.

Dear Cheryl: When I see a good-looking guy, I look at him. He smiles, and I smile back. Then he looks at his buddy, looks at me and walks away, laughing. Sure, I've had problems with guys in the past. But I'm 21now, and I don't even date anymore. I've tried dating websites, and still nothing. I don't know what to do to attract guys. I've read advice on this subject, but it doesn't help. It feels like there's something wrong with me. Is there? — Alone

Dear Alone: Do you have any girlfriends? Before you worry about getting a boyfriend, I'd like to see you make a few female friends. Start by making some acquaintances. That's your first goal. If you need help with that, write me again.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to [email protected] And check out my e-book, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."

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