When we talk about women having it all, we usually mean work and family. But it can also mean having a husband who provides warmth and wealth.

Avery: I'm a prime example of being married to a good provider. We've moved from living in apartments to owning multiple properties. However, I'm on the verge of leaving him because he's so emotionally detached. The money is just not enough for me.

He doesn't provide physical or verbal affection, even when I go out of my way to primp for special evenings. I'm still the same size I was when we married 20 years ago, so I know it's not because he doesn't find me attractive. I've told him about my emotional needs, but he doesn't take me seriously.

Kandace: As I went through all the men I dated before my marriage, they were either nurturers or earners. In the end, I chose an emotional supporter. I ended an engagement with a surgeon and married a bus driver. We've been happily married for 14 years and have three great kids. The funny thing is, he ended up unexpectedly inheriting a large sum of money, and now I have the best of both worlds!

Sondra: There are men who are emotionally supportive but not financially supportive. There are those who are financially supportive but not emotionally supportive. And there are those who are neither! Unfortunately, I've had experience with the latter.

And then there are the lucky women who have found men who provide emotional and financial support.

Hailey: If by "good financial provider" you mean a man who will drape you in diamonds and pearls, buy you a McMansion complete with housekeepers and take you on fancy vacations, then he probably isn't emotionally supportive. A man like that is probably a complete workaholic and emotionally dead.

If on the other hand your needs are more modest, then you can find a man who's both supportive and hard-working — like my husband. In real, grown-up relationships both partners give equally. I know. I've been married nearly 23 years and it just keeps getting better!

Jen: I've been married for 36 years to a man who excels at providing both. We began with strong emotional support and meager financial means, but happily, the financial rewards have followed. I, in turn, have tried to be the best emotional and financial provider I can be for him.

Desiree: My husband supports me financially so I can follow my dream of being a writer. He cooks dinner nearly every night, and makes me feel secure and adored with his words and his actions.

And some men chime in . . .

Mike: I've been married for many years and I've tried to provide emotional and financial support, and so have many of my friends.

But if a woman expects a man to pull down a six-figure income so she can live in a fancy suburb and leave the kids with a nanny while she does the shopping-workout-spa circuit in a Jag —and if she's equally high-maintenance emotionally — she's going to spend her life unsatisfied with the men she meets.

Cooper: I'm one of those men who are quite good at providing emotional and financial support. Women don't find us because they look at the outside package and decide the inside isn't worth exploring. They should find a frog who's happy with himself and chances are he could be just the prince they're looking for.

Do you have it all? Send your tale, along with your questions and problems to [email protected]. And check out my new ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."