Readers, we recently heard from "Still Grieving," whose wife of 25 years died. During the last few years of her life, she had two major cancer-related surgeries. He never left her side.

Now, six years after her death, he's obsessed with the fact that during those last five years she consistently let him know just how useless he had always been to her. She told him that she didn't love him anymore.

"To this day, her remark and the last five years of her life have left me in a pit from which I will never escape," he says.

I tried to tell him that when people are ill, they say and do all kinds of things they don't necessarily mean. I said: "Sometimes they're angry and they need to lash out. The ones closest to them bear the brunt. Sometimes medication changes their personality. During the last five years of her life, your wife was probably incapable of loving anyone.

"The only really important thing is that you make the most of the rest of your life. It's been six years since your wife died. You need to let the pain go. Focus on the first two decades, not the last five years."

He wrote back. He was still grieving, still obsessing on her words and actions.

He said: "Please, tell me why it's a waste of time to question whether my wife was ever really in love with me. The first two decades of our marriage have become one huge question mark.

I really think I was nothing more than a paycheck and an insurance policy to her. I feel I was a good guy who was played for a fool."

Today we hear from a woman who has been through something very similar. Hopefully, her words will give "Still Grieving" some comfort.

Dear Cheryl: My husband and I were in the same situation as "Still Grieving" and his wife. When I was diagnosed with cancer, I also retaliated with anger. Like her, I was looking for someone to blame. The only difference between us and them is that we had the luxury of beating the cancer and restoring our marriage.

At the time of my cancer, I really believed that I didn't love my husband and that he was to blame for my wasted life.

All women have dreams and hopes for the future, and being the creatures that we are, we think that we will live to a ripe old age and therefore have time to do the things we want to do. When it looked like that would never happen, I had to blame someone for my so-so life, for all my postponements and disappointments.

I blamed my husband for everything and wanted a divorce. It wasn't until I nearly drove him away that I finally realized how much I really did love him. The love that I thought was gone came flooding back.

Please tell "Still Grieving" that his wife did love him, and more than she knew. Her state of mind was impaired. Dealing with your life being cut off is very hard. Tell him to please forgive his wife. — Been There, Done That

Are you a liberal married to a conservative? A Democrat involved with a Republican? Or vice versa? How's that working for you? Send your tale, along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."