Dear Cheryl: I'm 49 years old and dating a man 17 years younger. We met at work and became an item after a long friendship. The age gap is substantial, and I have my reservations about it on a long-term basis, but right now we're happy. That's not the reason I'm writing.

I look pretty good for my age. Well, I look pretty good for any age. However, I've had a little help. I've had my upper and lower eyelids done, and I get Botox and Restylane regularly. I'm also saving for a mini-lift for my 50th birthday.

When we were just dating, I didn't think about mentioning this, but now that we're considering getting a place of our own, the money I spend on these procedures can't be kept a secret anymore. Should it be?

I don't want him to think I only look good because I pay for it, or that I'm shallow and plastic. He's only 31. He's not even aware of wrinkles and sagging skin. If I tell him, I know he'll just say, "Babe you look great. You don't need that stuff!" Little does he know, the reason I look great is because I get this stuff done! — Nipper and Tucker

Dear Nipper and Tucker: Don't make a big deal out of it. Just casually mention one day that you're getting some Botox. If he says, "Waaaaaaaaaa?" say, "It's no big deal. It makes me look and feel good. Just like when I had my eyes done." That should soften him up for the face-lift.

Dear Cheryl: I've been dating a man for three-and-a-half years. We're in an open relationship, although we only date each other. He's a wonderful person — very outgoing with a great personality. I've reached the point in our relationship where I'd like for us to commit to each other. He has said that he loves me and wants to be with me but that he's not yet ready to commit.

I've begun to wonder whether his lack of commitment is due to his friendly nature with previous girlfriends and other female friends. They call him at all hours of the day and night. He says there's nothing going on and that they call late because they know he's still up.

I'd be OK with this if he were OK with speaking to them in front of me. I believe there's something going on. I've also seen text messages that I think are sexual. He told me I was reading too much into them. I love him very much and wish to have a future with him. But I'm unsure whether his lack of commitment is because he has other woman.

We're allowed to see other people in our open relationship, but we agreed to tell each other if we so chose. Am I looking too deeply into this? — I Want to Close This Open Relationship and Lock It Shut!

Dear IWTCTORALIS! — You're not looking into it too deeply; you're not looking into it deeply enough! If your boyfriend isn't ready to make a commitment after three-and-a-half years, when do you think he'll be ready? How long are you willing to wait? Another three-and-a-half years? Ten years? Forever?

Add to that the fact that he won't take calls in front of you and the juicy messages from his so-called platonic friends, and you've got a guy who wants to have his cake (you) and eat it, too (them).

Got a problem? Send it to [email protected]. And check out my e-book, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."