The Constitution guarantees our freedom. But it took Sari a long time to learn she wasn't really free at all ...

Sari grew up with an "emotionally distant" father. "He rarely seemed interested in us. He would get into bad moods and scream."

Growing up, Sari was "the good child, always doing my best to get my father's approval, even though he made me nervous. He would talk up things he thought I should be interested in, like guns and science. Of course, none of that interested me, and he would make me feel worthless by saying I was an idiot for not being like him."

As a teenager, Sari developed a pattern. She made friends with mean girls and dated boys who tried to change her.

"Since I had never gotten my father's approval, I looked for it from people who were like him — intellectual types who put down anyone they felt didn't meet their standards. And sooner or later, the people I chose to be with would see that I wasn't up to their level. The rejection I felt from my father was projected again from my so-called friends."

Even in her late 20s, Sari was still trying to please her dad. She went as far as joining the Navy Reserve. "I was nervous all the time from the rules, even though I tried hard to do my best. Eventually I was discharged for having asthma. My father never said it, but he was disappointed in me."

One of Sari's patterns was dating men with totally different interests from hers. "I love museums and parks, and the men would get bored by them, so mostly, we went to bars. Booze was our only connection. When the relationships fizzled out, I was left feeling unloved and unwanted. I was very depressed and thought of suicide."

Eventually, Sari got into therapy and learned that her behavior, given her relationship with her father, was not that uncommon. Her therapist told her she should be with people who accepted her the way she was.

"It took a while, but I got better at it. I started standing up for myself to anyone who tried to ridicule me for my likes and dislikes. Even my own dad."

Sari decided she wanted a man who loved her for who she was, not for the person he could make her into.

"Lo and behold, I found Kyle. I'd met him a couple of times through his sister, who was my friend. I always thought he was nice, but nice guys had always turned me off. One day his sister told me he thought I was beautiful and had a great personality. He wondered why I wasn't married.

"I thought, 'Wow! He thinks I'm great.' He called me for a date. We met at a restaurant. The moment I sat down, he gave me the biggest, sweetest smile and I was hooked! We had so much in common. I felt something I'd never felt before — comfort. It's been 15 months now, and Kyle still gives me that huge smile every time I see him.

"My dad still offers suggestions now and then. I listen, but I offer my own opinions, too. I've learned to accept myself. I know I'm smart, and I do what I want and don't worry as much anymore about what anyone thinks."

How have your parents influenced your love life? Send your thoughts along with your questions and problems to [email protected]. And check out my new ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."