Amanda had what she likes to call a "starter marriage." When that concluded 28 years ago, she took stock of herself and her life.
"I decided that if I didn't like myself, how could anyone like me?" She embarked on a journey of self-discovery and threw herself into her career.
"I had a great time being single. My career had me traveling around the country. Boy, did I have a great time meeting wonderful people and getting to see our magnificent country! And, there were men along the way."
There was one special man. The man who got away. The one Amanda says she never got over.
"Steve and I were close in age, both divorced. Everything was perfect. He was raising his daughters on the East Coast, and I was single with no baggage and no kids, living in the Midwest. He came to visit me, and we had a wonderful time. I went to visit him on my way to a meeting, and we had a wonderful time then, too."
But things didn't work out, and the love affair ended.
Then, Amanda remarried — a man she adored. He passed away several years ago. "On what would have been our 20th anniversary, I gave him my Dolly Levi speech. It was something like: 'Okay, I gave you two years to come back from the dead, and you didn't. I need to have a sign to go on.' Lo and behold, I got an email from Steve a day later. I emailed him back, and he called. We had a delightful conversation.
"I went to visit him and had a wonderful time. He came to visit me: another wonderful time. He even called on Valentine's Day and visited again."
But on that visit, Amanda said something felt "off."
"He's usually dressed preppily, down to his underwear. But he needed a haircut and was exhausted from his trip. Still, we were having a pleasant visit."
They went out for dinner the night before Steve was scheduled to leave. It was a hot, muggy night. Walking up some steep steps after dinner, Amanda didn't feel well. She passed out.
"Next thing I know I'm lying on the ground, two doctors are taking my pulse, and my dinner is all over my chest. When I got up, Steve didn't ask, 'Are you all right?' Instead, he said, 'I was worried how I'd get into your apartment to get my ticket to go home.'
"Well, needless to say, I was mortified."
It's now been three years since Steve visited. Amanda hasn't heard a word from him.
"I learned a lot while not hearing from him. First, a long-distance romance takes a lot of effort. Second, if a man hasn't remarried in 30 years, there's a reason. Third, you can't duplicate a great marriage with a fantasy from long ago. And last, if you rekindle a relationship with your lost love, enjoy it while it lasts, but don't expect it to last forever.
"The good news is I've started to live again. I've changed my attitude and started to laugh and be happy again. So, bottom line, I am back to living without regrets, and I am happy I had the experience."
Have you tried to reconnect with an old love? How did it work out? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to [email protected]. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."
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