If You Really Loved Me

By Cheryl Lavin

February 11, 2017 4 min read

Today we have tales about ultimatums.

CLARISSA: In seventh grade, a boy who was a year older started walking me home from school. By ninth grade, we were dating. In 10th grade he said that if I loved him, I'd have sex with him.

I didn't want to lose him, but I wasn't ready. I told him that if he loved me, he'd wait. The next day, he dumped me and told me he had a new girlfriend who would have sex with him. My heart broke. To make it worse, every time I passed his locker they'd be making out and she'd smile like she was gloating over my misery.

A few weeks later, I told him I was ready but that he'd have to break up with this girl in front of me. Off we went to this gal's house. Oh, did I mention that part of the deal was that he had to tell her he had just been using her to make me jealous?

She was crushed at his news, and I actually felt sorry for her. When we left her house, he thought it was to have our big moment. But what I had planned all along was to dump him just as he had dumped me and his girlfriend.

To say he was shocked would be an understatement. And when the other girls found out, he had no dates the rest of the year!

GIGI: I dated Sean for over three years. He had to get married when he was 18 to his prom date. That marriage ended when he was in his early 30s. By the time I met him he had been divorced for 17 years, had two serious relationships and dated countless women. Each of the serious relationships lasted between three and four years. He, of course, blamed the women for being demanding or crazy. But the truth was he couldn't commit.

After three and a half years, I told him that I wouldn't play house anymore. Marry me, or else. He agreed to see a therapist with me. He went twice. He nearly walked out of the second session. After it was over, he dropped me at my house and then didn't speak to me for four days. He went into the man cave.

We lasted another six weeks, and then I broke up with him. I probably would have stayed another year if he agreed to an engagement, but he couldn't even do that! He didn't put up a fight, and it was over. A month later, I bought a puppy, and he bought a bar! If I hadn't decided to take the tough road and let him go, I would have wasted the rest of my life.

I met a wonderful man seven months ago. He has absolutely no problem with commitment and believes in marriage. He loves me, isn't afraid to discuss our future and makes me feel valued and respected.

For all the women out there hanging on to dead-end relationships with commitmentphobes, my advice is go to the nearest sporting goods store, buy the best running shoes they have and run as fast as you can!

Have you gotten revenge on a former partner? Send your tale, along with your questions and problems to [email protected] And check out my new e-book, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."

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