Dear Readers: We heard from Porn Widow several months ago. She wrote that she and Jake began dating and are now living together. Everything was great till he started watching internet porn.

"It's taken a huge toll on our sex life. Sex used to be wonderful. Sometimes multiple times a day, almost always different and fun. But a few months ago, it started to get less often (about four times a week) and it's usually the same."

She was desperate. "I'm saving my money so that when I talk to Jake about this, I'll be able to move out. I don't think our relationship is salvageable."

My response?

Whoa!

I told her not to be so quick to write off a great relationship. She needed to tell Jake how the porn has affected her.

"Give the guy a chance before you write him off."

Well, the Porn Widow is back.

Dear Cheryl: After I wrote you, things got worse. He was moody, we had sex even less than before and when we did, it was awful. Then, one day he came home from work and was a different person. He actually was acting like the man I fell in love with. It was such a big difference that I kept looking at him and wondering what happened.

Maybe he was going through male menopause. I don't know. But, I hope he doesn't go there again!

Dear Cheryl: I would like to know if something is wrong with me or with my husband. Every time I try to kiss him, he pulls away. He's never really interested in sex. If we do have sex, it's always the same way. He never initiates it. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't love me any more. I don't know what to do. We've been married for over four years and I love him to death. — FRUSTRATED WIFE

Dear FRUSTRATED WIFE, You need to talk to your husband. Tell him there's a problem and if it isn't fixed, it could ruin the marriage. Until he's honest about what's going on with him — whether it's physical or emotional, whether he's seeing someone else or having problems at work — nothing and no one can help him.

Dear Cheryl: Women often write to you saying their husbands love them but aren't "in love" with them. They want to believe there's some medical reason why. Women routinely twist simple, direct statements from men into a meaning they find more palatable. Why assume the man isn't being brutally honest?

It's a cruel trick of nature, but women lose their physical desirability to men as they age. Nature can be cruel, but it's a fact of life. — DON'T SHOOT ME, I'M JUST THE MESSENGER

Dear DSMIJTM, It's true that some men lose sexual interest in their wives as they age. Just as it's true that some women lose sexual interest in their husbands. And yet millions of men and women love and are in love with their partners.

Always chasing after new and young and different is a pretty shallow way to go through life and bound to lead to disappointment and loneliness.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."

Photo credit: Tim Sackton