Major Midlife Crisis

By Cheryl Lavin

November 18, 2018 4 min read

When Baron was young, he went to school full time and worked full time, too.

He says: "My point is I was busy. I did date but I never really developed what I would call a good relationship. Many of my male friends at the time were in the same boat I was in. Consequently, there really wasn't a lot of sex happening for any of my peers at the time."

Lucy's friends, he says, were different. "Most of the girls she went to high school with seemed to be wild from what I'm told."

Baron met Lucy when he was 20 and just finishing his course at trade school. "I knew at the time that she'd had a long-term relationship with her ex-boyfriend — five years — and that they'd been sexually active. I really didn't think much of it since I felt blessed to have found someone compatible who ultimately wanted to have a relationship with me.

"She came along at the right time. I'd been working the night shift and weekends and going to school during the days. Then I graduated and landed a job where I worked days and had the weekends off. I was in hog heaven."

Baron and Lucy married when he was 24. He's now 55. They've been married 31 years. He says he seldom thought about Lucy's past for most of that time.

"It wasn't until I got into my fifties that I began to think about her sexual history and my lack of one. As time marched on, I felt that I missed something by being so preoccupied with work and school when I was young. My wife is the only person I've ever had sex with. These days, the idea that I've only had sex with one person in my life is tormenting me. I know it's middle-age crisis time, but I still have a hard time keeping this thought out of my head."

It's not just his past that's keeping Baron up at night. It's Lucy's, too. "I know she's had a few other partners. I'm starting to wonder if she was a slut in the past. There have been times while we're having sex when I think about the others that she's has been intimate with before me. That's not good and I realize that.

"I've done some soul searching and I don't really think my wife was a slut. But I'm jealous of her experience and wish that I'd set different priorities when I was younger.

"Meanwhile, I still need to work through my feelings on own and need to realize that I'm still a lucky man. I really can't change my wife's past or my own."

Readers: What advice do you have for Baron? Should he ask his wife how much sexual experience she actually had? Will that stir up trouble? If he doesn't ask her, will his mind continue to create problems for him? Is he better off talking to a therapist? Or should he just try to put the whole thing out of his mind? Have you ever dealt with anything similar?

Send your thoughts, along with your questions, problems and rants to [email protected] And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."

Photo credit: at Pixabay

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