DEAR SUSAN: You write about the rough spots of single life. For me, it's loneliness. Even when I'm out with my girlfriends, I feel something is missing. Is it a man? Or something I'm not doing?
DEAR BLOGGER: One of the great ironies of this thing called loneliness is that much of it has to do more with how you feel about yourself than with external factors. The very worst type of loneliness is being alienated from your own feelings (!) And while we're soul-searching, list the activities you love to do but haven't been doing lately. Right here and now, promise yourself to get involved in at least one of them. And then, think about the plusses of being on your own (freedom and mobility; total sovereignty over your time and money; no one to say, "Why did you, and why didn't you?!") And then, I dare you to pick up the phone and make a call to someone who brightens your life (your folks?). Sometimes that one call banishes the blues. And then muse on couples you know who are locked into marriage but basically incompatible. Is that the worst sort of loneliness imaginable?! You owe yourself a quiet hour (or two) to think deeply about what you want (and don't) from your life. There's a lot more to life than selfies.
DEAR SUSAN: I admit it. I'm the jealous type, always competing with guys and thinking I have a better-looking snow bunny on my arm. I want to be taller, sleeker, hairier than I am. The Olympics have nothing on me. I'm always in a competition.
DEAR BLOGGER: Pardon my soft-soaping, sir, but the only way to resist the rat race you're running in is to remind yourself you're one-of-a-kind. OK, sounds corny, but like most corny things, it's absolutely TRUE. No one else has your genes, your history, your private dreams. Starting there, what mark on this old world would you like to make with all your uniqueness, your individualism, your specialness? (Sigh) It must be exhausting to be you, or to be with you as a couple, with the constant rat race eating away at you. Or worse, to be your date for an evening, conscious of your sizing up every guy and doll to see how they stack up to you. I've almost got an ulcer just thinking of the scenario in your mind. How could it be any fun to be with you? The next time you go for a walk (alone), deliberately go by a playground and observe the children at play. They are a perfect example of true single fulfillment because they live in the present moment only and are totally absorbed in their playing. Think of what it is you want from your life; keep your mind focused on what you are doing and who you are with. We're all in this journey together — and it's not a race.
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