Single FileĀ® from Creators Syndicate https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file Creators Syndicate is an international syndication company that represents cartoonists and columnists of the highest caliber. en Fri, 15 Jan 2021 06:02:44 -0800 https://www.creators.com/ http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Single FileĀ® from Creators Syndicate https://cdn.creators.com/features/single-file-thumb.jpg https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file 4c0fb58b748ab891b88e62ca6a4843d6 The Declaration of Undependence for 01/13/2021 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/01/21/the-declaration-of-undependence-2dc07 Wed, 13 Jan 2021 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>More than 100 million strong &#8212; and soon to gain majority status in America &#8212; the unmarried community affirms its undependence with this Declaration of Undependence. </p> <p>I RESOLVE to think for myself in all situations rather than allow anyone (even "experts") to make important decisions regarding the course of my life. While I will remain open to wise counsel, <span class="column--highlighted-text">I alone will make the final decision in matters affecting my life</span>. And when there are shared decisions to be made, I will make myself heard, always vigilant not to be disagreeable when disagreeing. <p>Updated: Wed Jan 13, 2021</p> 8968dec60237312edb73a2c2bc3f32c4 Emancipation Proclamation for 01/06/2021 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/01/21/emancipation-proclamation Wed, 06 Jan 2021 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>The unmarried are in the middle of a global revolution, largely unheralded by our media, that has, with unerring grace and dignity, moved most of the world's developed countries to adopt laws giving them broad protection and rights. It is sad irony that America, heralded for its pioneering spirit and respect for human rights, is still woefully behind the curve in granting legal recognition to a way of life that has imprinted our culture with a new morality. </p> <p><span class="column--highlighted-text">Most developed countries have already enacted protective laws for their unmarried.</span> France has the civil solidarity pact, known as PACS, for same- and opposite-sex couples joining lives outside of formalized marriage. The pact extends rights in the areas of taxation, inheritance and next-of-kin notification. Portugal, likewise. Germany, Denmark, the Netherlands and Scandinavian countries have enacted laws legally recognizing unmarried couples, granting them protection and rights. Even China, not known to accommodate changing trends, is showing signs of later marriage and an increasing shift to singlehood. And the contagion widens into Eastern Europe, where a growing youth culture is prodding government for greater legal recognition. <p>Updated: Wed Jan 06, 2021</p> c6234a4ce9d14a7f095f23c62da98aa6 Abstinence for 12/30/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/12/20/abstinence-9a3d6 Wed, 30 Dec 2020 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>DEAR SUSAN: You seem to have strong opinions about abstinence. It's important, but does it deserve so much attention?</p> <p>DEAR BLOGGER: In a word, yes. Abstinence is in the same league as virginity (which can be renewable, but that's for another column). Both issues are intimate, exquisitely sensitive. Recognizing its importance in the single life, I designed a research project that shattered archaic myths (stereotypes, really) and brought to light the true attitudes of the unmarried. <span class="column--highlighted-text">The first surprise? The "swinging single" is a myth.</span> Bedroom boredom and a sense of being "owned" can spur married couples to find variety in their sex life. Irony of ironies, it turns out that much of the sexual swapping involves the married. I found that 55% of respondents were having sex once a month &#8212; or less. Not exactly the swinging single stereotype. And while you're mulling over that tidbit, consider this one: Nearly half the women surveyed reported feeling closer (!) to their men when their togetherness did not include sexual activity. The bottom line? A full 80% of the unmarried community has been celibate for months, and in some cases, years. The threat of sexually transmitted disease is partly responsible, of course, but even in situations with clear erotic possibility, there doesn't seem to be the frenetic rush to bedding that's so stereotypically (and wrongly) associated with the single scene. My reading of the no-sex policy? Singles feel freer and more confident to reject meaningless sex because they are more in touch with themselves and their own worth &#8212; a confidence that bodes well for lower divorce rates and happier children. So, yes, dear reader, abstinence deserves all the newsprint it can get. (Feel free to send me your dissenting words on the subject; I'd love to hear your take on this thorny topic.) <p>Updated: Wed Dec 30, 2020</p> 325811573e8726040787d7ae63beaf20 Being Single for 12/23/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/12/20/being-single-ec1bf Wed, 23 Dec 2020 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>DEAR SUSAN: You write about the rough spots of single life. For me, it's loneliness. Even when I'm out with my girlfriends, I feel something is missing. Is it a man? Or something I'm not doing? </p> <p>DEAR BLOGGER: One of the great ironies of this thing called loneliness is that much of it has to do more with how you feel about yourself than with external factors. <span class="column--highlighted-text">The very worst type of loneliness is being alienated from your own feelings (!)</span> And while we're soul-searching, list the activities you love to do but haven't been doing lately. Right here and now, promise yourself to get involved in at least one of them. And then, think about the plusses of being on your own (freedom and mobility; total sovereignty over your time and money; no one to say, "Why did you, and why didn't you?!") And then, I dare you to pick up the phone and make a call to someone who brightens your life (your folks?). Sometimes that one call banishes the blues. And then muse on couples you know who are locked into marriage but basically incompatible. Is that the worst sort of loneliness imaginable?! You owe yourself a quiet hour (or two) to think deeply about what you want (and don't) from your life. There's a lot more to life than selfies.<p>Updated: Wed Dec 23, 2020</p> b950b09397f240a0952c1b4292b1d93d Male-Bashing for 12/16/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/12/20/male-bashing-b4168 Wed, 16 Dec 2020 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>DEAR SUSAN: I can't stand it. My best girlfriends are turning out to be man-haters, and when we get together for some fun, the talk turns to men and what beasts men are. I don't agree, but I don't want to drop these friends. Help.</p> <p>DEAR BLOGGER: This is a good day &#8212; a day that will be talked about in tales you tell your grandchildren, the day when you discover that you're not part of the red-hot anger put forth by fervent male-bashers. You just won't put up with the tales of horror you're hearing from your friends. Right now, pat yourself on the back and think of me. I like to think that "Single File" helped strengthen you to the point where you summon up courage to stand up to the crowd and refuse to be part of its anti-male crusade. (I'm smiling as I write this.) I'd like to think that my influence helped you strengthen yourself and become more able to give yourself fulfillment, a giant step forward away from man dependency. As you move away from needing men as saviors, you begin to like the good guys most of them are. And as that reality takes root in your psyche, the need for anti-male propaganda subsides. Not that anti-female stuff also fades away. Hey, I know men are pretty angry at us, too. But as we've said before, the only person you can change is yourself, because the urge to change must come from inside oneself. My sense? Men take their cues from the women around them &#8212; and when we soften, they follow. As hard as you and I have worked to reach this point, let's remove ALL the stumbling blocks, of which gratuitous anger is prominent. (To open a dialogue with your friends, consider clipping this column. Oh, to be a fly on the wall for that hen party!) <p>Updated: Wed Dec 16, 2020</p> 6b16b4cc895b4fb4119066a00b196bfd Treat Men More Like Women for 12/09/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/12/20/treat-men-more-like-women-039a2 Wed, 09 Dec 2020 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>DEAR SUSAN: I've had it with men. At least my girlfriends tell me the truth and are straightforward with their actions. I swear I don't know how to relate to the opposite sex. (Sigh.) </p> <p>DEAR BLOGGER: Wow, do I have an experiment for you! <span class="column--highlighted-text">It's a real shift in attitude, and once tried, I think you'll never go back to the old way of thinking as if men really DO come from Mars. </span>The man you work alongside really is someone's brother, husband, friend. Look at him closely. Does he resemble some alien from outer space? C'mon now. You've realized for some time that men are NOT a foreign species, that they have feelings and dreams and hopes, just like women. Just like you. The thing is we've never been schooled in partnership, so we don't really know how to go about it. Well, as one of your advisors, I suggest treating men more like women. (That's got to be a shocker, so take a moment to recover.) What I mean is men are rarely offered the straightforward, sisterly gestures of friendship we women give to other women. Consider these examples: Ask a man to a casual dinner on a weekly basis &#8212; just a simple, relaxed, inexpensive meal. You pay the check &#8212; unless he resists strongly. And how about sending flowers to show this good man in your life how much you appreciate him? Nothing lavish &#8212; as simple a bunch as you can find. I've said before that romance isn't dead; it's simply moribund for being so darned one-sided!! C'mon, girl. Risk a possible rejection. It's good for the soul. It'll show you vividly what men go through every day of their lives, without complaining. Step up to the plate. <p>Updated: Wed Dec 09, 2020</p> f754785903504b563b89b3dd734f2142 Premarital Divorce: Lost and Found for 12/02/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/12/20/premarital-divorce-lost-and-found Wed, 02 Dec 2020 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>DEAR SUSAN: It's the end of the world because it's the end of my love affair. For five years, we've been together &#8212; years of fun and laughs and serious talk. Now he wants out. Actually, he's gone. And I'm lost. </p> <p>DEAR BLOGGER: You, friend, are a victim of divorce. There<span class="column--highlighted-text"> are no legal papers to sign, because this is a premarital divorce, but the pain is just as intense.</span> And it's the old timeworn story: A special man appears. You drop your single buddies in favor of (his) coupled friends. His world becomes your world. But when the world turns on its axis and the relationship is over, that world turns to ashes. You are left with a much smaller world and intense feelings of pain, resentment, hostility &#8212; hardly the ingredients of a new life, but that is your challenge: to start over with a fresh vision. Somewhere deep inside, you know that you are still an OK person and you haven't been thrown over because of some basic worthlessness, but the challenge remains to reconstruct your world. Your work now is to find the energy &#8212; and the optimism &#8212; to do just that, especially when you know the whole process could happen again and again, a future of ecstasies and agonies. But there is a way out, and it's definitely NOT to stop risking your heart. By designing your own spheres of interests, friends and activities, your world doesn't end if and when love ends. Keeping the balance takes a conscious decision not to wrap your very life around your man, to resist losing your very soul in the heat of togetherness. Keeping your separateness within the togetherness is actually a generous act; your self-interest reduces the pressure on a man to be all things to you! It definitely makes you more interesting, and it distributes your partner's responsibilities more evenly. The biggest plus of all? It equips you to handle the terrible moment when someone you love makes a choice you don't like. e may be lost, but are still intact. Clip this letter and read it before every date, my friend. By losing this man's love, you may well have found yourself. <p>Updated: Wed Dec 02, 2020</p> 4416ae0ecae65d0c32ebfe736aada7e9 Giving Thanks for 11/25/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/11/20/giving-thanks-7d24e Wed, 25 Nov 2020 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>DEAR READERS: At a reader's request, I've broadened the Sunday Prayer for the coming holidays, especially Thanksgiving Day. The goal, as she suggested, is to blur age and religion differences so that everyone &#8212; young and not so young &#8212; feels blessed. </p> <p>The Prayer <p>Updated: Wed Nov 25, 2020</p> be2246548d9601c12e6601ada8582c42 Are You Mad at Men? Part 1 of 2 for 11/18/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/11/20/are-you-mad-at-men-part-1-of-2 Wed, 18 Nov 2020 00:00:00 -0800 <p>DEAR SUSAN: Lately, you've been writing about women angry toward men. It's making me wonder whether I am one of them. Sure, I've had my share of disappointments with them, but how can I tell if I'm really a man hater? </p> <p>DEAR BLOGGER: Wonder no more, fair maiden. Your responses to my quiz will guide you through the murky waters of uncertainty. What will you learn? Your responses will reassure you about the state of your other-gender feelings or sound an alarm that you disregard at your peril. <span class="column--highlighted-text">I guarantee the responses from deep within your psyche will reassure or (perhaps) alarm. </span>Either way, what you learn from your answers can help you begin a journey toward genuine friendship with those necessary critters: men. </p> <p>A) Do you find yourself using the cause of feminism or women's rights (or anything else, for that matter) as a cover-up for your resentment toward men?<p>Updated: Wed Nov 18, 2020</p> f6fe757f814173a3e23c4d7579f137cc Losing Independence for 11/11/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/11/20/losing-independence-2b368 Wed, 11 Nov 2020 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>DEAR SUSAN: After all I've been through making a name and a life, I am honestly scared, truly spooked by the thought of merging my life with my lover-man. Women like me want love but are scared to death of losing what we fought for. Loving my man could take the sacrifice of my independence. </p> <p>DEAR BLOGGER: Nonsense. <span class="column--highlighted-text">That sort of overreaction merely shows women to be newcomers in the world of power</span>. Frankly, I never thought I'd be saying this, but the movement that brought us ownership of our lives neglected to supply an owner's manual. And because I see signs of dangerous misuse of our selfhood, some guidelines are definitely in order. Please, hear me out. The point of women's liberation is masterful use of our newly discovered freedom. Subtlety and diplomacy are some of the tools that can get us what we want for ourselves. The trouble is, we've been squandering our hard-earned assertiveness without realizing that judicious use only increases its potency. You see, what we've been calling the hallmarks of independence are, at times, pent-up aggression and resentment. But the woman who sees and asserts her independence clearly is capable of authentic friendship with her male counterpart because she knows she's coming from a position of equal strength. She doesn't hide from romantic love, because she knows that without her consent, no one can take away what she has built into herself. And so, the answer to the big question is a resounding yes. An independent woman can indeed have it all &#8212; love, romance, emotional interdependence. The precondition, however, is achieving true independence. Handled with grace and dignity, it serves love exquisitely well. <p>Updated: Wed Nov 11, 2020</p> 6f7705a6b5baf322e854e533f07fdaef Healthy Brainwashing for 11/04/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/11/20/healthy-brainwashing-11d5f Wed, 04 Nov 2020 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>DEAR SUSAN: I would like to believe what you say about being whole (undependent) before meeting the love of your life. But my mind is racing for things to say when I'm with someone I like, and I do and say silly things. How can I control my mind?</p> <p>DEAR BLOGGER: By stepping up and taking control of what goes into it. Habits like watching the televised fables of marriages gone sour and violent people doing violent things to one another have to be shelved &#8212; permanently. At any stage, it's not too late to put yourself on a diet of healthy relating and respectful interactions. Sounds corny, I know. But being careful about the images and words you feed your mind is a sign of respect for self. Try some healthy brainwashing, out of respect for me. And then tell me if you still do and say silly things when you least want to. Let's start by setting aside 10 minutes a day to be alone, quiet and still. Choose one belief ("I am a capable woman" or "I am building a full life") and repeat it aloud, or think it to yourself, over and over until it resonates in your mind. Breathe slowly and form the words as you exhale. (Remember to keep the phone off the hook and the windows closed. This is quiet time.) Repeat the phrases as you drift off to sleep, while you work, as you walk the supermarket aisles. (They're especially valuable when you're feeling blue.) Learn them as you would a new language, and with repetition, your thoughts will mimic the words, and you will feel more self-assured, energized, unburdened. Yes, it's brainwashing. But it's healthy, a nutrient for your mind. Give yourself the time to soak up this new thought pattern; don't rush it. While you're growing comfortable with a more disciplined mind, look around your world for examples of the kind of relationship you and I talk about, a mutual and reciprocal love. I wish it for you.<p>Updated: Wed Nov 04, 2020</p> 415ff30dba3b7cb14a07cc5c4cd71330 The Single Core for 10/28/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/10/20/the-single-core-4443f Wed, 28 Oct 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>DEAR SUSAN: You were one of the very first people to respect singles as responsible and trustworthy members of society. Now that they have achieved majority status in this country, has your devotion to us changed in any way?</p> <p>DEAR BLOGGER: If there's been any change in my devotion to the unmarried, it's been a deeper tilt toward the universality of the single core. More and more couples &#8212; many of them married &#8212; are convinced that melting personhood into their romantic relationship is a sure way to lose the spark that first drew them together. And so, they are making a conscious effort to bring their individuality with them into wedded bliss. <span class="column--highlighted-text">Temporary, short-lived separation, once the sign of marital distress, is now being recognized as signaling mutually agreed-upon "single spaces" within even the most compatible twosome.</span> Lovers are embracing the wisdom of a spaced relationship, coming around to believe that the partners in even the closest relationships need occasional timeouts. (In fact, they may need them more than others). In yet another experiment by the unmarried, the success of retaining one's individuality while in a coupled situation may turn out to be a hugely compelling factor in longtime marriages built on mutual love but in need of the spark of separation. (Hint: My "Exercises in Singleness" are designed to do just that.) So, yes, my devotion to the single world is even deeper &#8212; and more inclusive. <p>Updated: Wed Oct 28, 2020</p> ad99c1f3a87371d56eb1bd2a85f58ad7 Free-Range Partner for 10/21/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/10/20/free-range-partner-e9d53 Wed, 21 Oct 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>DEAR SUSAN: The man in my life wants to marry and make our love legal. But he has one demand he says will make or break the deal. He needs to be able to go off once in a while and have time to himself, without me, without the children we may have at the time. He says he's used to having time to himself, away from responsibilities, and he wants to continue that way. The trouble is we love each other. </p> <p>DEAR BLOGGER: <span class="column--highlighted-text">The real trouble isn't the love you share with the man in your life. It's that pesky sense of ownership that much too often comes with marriage vows.</span> One or both of the partners &#8212; more likely the female side of the equation &#8212; begins to lean heavily on the other, jealously shrinking his or her contact with the world beyond their love nest. That tightening, meant to keep the partner from roaming beyond "acceptable" limits, can have the opposite effect, prodding a spouse to chew off their leash &#8212; while still married &#8212; and explore variations of anonymous sex with nameless and faceless bodies. Well, dear blogger, there it is: the unspoken credo of marriages that mistake smothering (aka 24-hour togetherness) for true love. It seems to this columnist that the freshness of a beloved's comings and goings not only makes coupled life much more interesting but gives love the best chance of surviving. Anyone out there in Readerland care to comment?<p>Updated: Wed Oct 21, 2020</p> 25dcc91e5fa67d382a63571aaa3b6958 Women -- and Their Men for 10/14/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/10/20/women-and-their-men-79494 Wed, 14 Oct 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>DEAR SUSAN: As my fellow blogger said, it's so true. There's not a man alive who wouldn't adore receiving a "humorous card" from a woman who dumped him. Great advice, per usual! But one thing a woman should NOT do if she hates/fears men is treat them like normal human beings or see them as individuals who differ from person to person. Positively lump them all together as a mystery novel that would need a Rosetta Stone to decode!</p> <p>DEAR BLOGGER: Lump 'em and dump 'em &#8212; losers and abusers. But there comes a time when that really sweet fellow you dumped in your 20s begins to look better and you think about resurrecting the relationship. But <span class="column--highlighted-text">how to explain to him that your values have changed and you're over the glamour boys?</span> Sending him a humorous card can open a whole new world now that you're past the bad-boy stage and he's finished with the lure of dimpled cheeks. Putting yourself out on a limb, taking a chance by taking the initiative, is a new experience for most women, but it's time we shed our passivity and show our courage. (Romance isn't dead, you know; it's simply moribund from being so darned one-sided!) So now we feel ready for a second look at that really nice guy we dumped for a sneer and a slouch. Each time we think of him, he looks more and more like husband material. (By the way, men have the same privilege when they grow past the glamour-girl gig.) There's something about the second time, the second look, the second date, when both parties are more relaxed about being who they are. Sending him a funny card can be the first step to a truly grounded relationship, togetherness built on the real thing &#8212; friendship. Try it; you might like it! <p>Updated: Wed Oct 14, 2020</p> 58b5ee8e07400e6266365f1e55510722 Exercises in Singleness for 10/07/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/10/20/exercises-in-singleness-95e33 Wed, 07 Oct 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>DEAR SUSAN: How on Earth did you come up with the idea of exercises in singleness? I've heard of situps and pushups for the underused abs and belly muscles, but how does someone exercise their singleness?! </p> <p>DEAR BLOGGER: The same logic that applies to one's abs or stomach muscles applies to their singleness: Underused is underdeveloped. A flaccid stomach muscle or abdomen is of little use to its owner when physical strength is called for. (Follow me closely here, dear Readers, and logic will lead you to your answer). The unmarried state, if not utilized vigorously, will tend to either grow inward, narrowing the supply of people so necessary to a full and vigorous life, or make a splash outward and become a mini-world of time-wasters and distractions. Either direction of energy is a contortion of the purpose of life, which is to grow and develop into more of a person. That purpose is best achieved in the unmarried state, when time and resources are under personal control. Exercising one's singleness is, then, conscious usage of one's time and resources in order to grow outward, to explore one's interests and to expand one's personal universe. And, when making the decision to migrate to the coupled world, the move can be as smooth as walking off a moving escalator &#8212; without missing a step. Paramount to coupled success is the continuation of the Exercises in Singleness! Maintaining them faithfully will keep one's undependence intact and operable. And, not incidentally, it will make you &#8212; and your relationship &#8212; so much more interesting. Being interesting and beloved makes for a fascinating partnership. I wish it to you. <p>Updated: Wed Oct 07, 2020</p> ea530e170caee4458a7152f4e080c3cd You and Change for 09/30/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/09/20/you-and-change-c3867 Wed, 30 Sep 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p><span style="background-color: initial;">You probably know that the Chinese word for "crisis" is composed of the characters for "danger" and "opportunity." Sure, there's danger being an unattached woman. At times, panic and depression creep in, too. But there's also an opportunity that generations of women longed for: the chance to cultivate lifelong self-reliance. When those low moments creep in &#8212; and they do no matter what &#8212; turn your thoughts to that unbelievably huge plus given our generations. And do your best to get on good terms with change. I promise it will bring pleasant surprises: You'll start enjoying your dates more. You'll stop faking a smile and forcing yourself to pay attention to the conversation. Instead, you'll find yourself feeling a little closer to him because you're feeling closer to yourself! And &#8212; shock of shocks &#8212; being husbandless will start to feel less like a drawback. In fact, you'll actually find yourself having moments when you relish your unencumbered state! And &#8212; surprise of surprises &#8212; you'll have more energy, more curiosity, more of an appetite for new places and new people. These are exciting times for women (aka Hillary Clinton). Who knows what's in store for us?</span><br></p> <p>Here's an idea for this very weekend: Take your parents out to dinner. Yes, it will help them see your undependence. But it will also help you leave your childhood, when you saw them as perfect, behind and help the three of you ease into a more realistic relationship. And they will positively relish being given the royal treatment by their woman of the year!<p>Updated: Wed Sep 30, 2020</p> 32ccf2e91e78212e505f4201e33583df Fairness for 09/23/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/09/20/fairness-edb55 Wed, 23 Sep 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>DEAR SUSAN: There's only one winner in a race, but I think everyone can find someone if they really want to. Finding a mate isn't a competition; if you, fellow blogger, see countless others with someone alongside and you're always alone &#8212; but don't want to be &#8212; isn't that unfair? Hey, it's unfair that there are millionaires and I'm not one. Life is unfair. Everyone can find someone. </p> <p>DEAR BLOGGER: Fair shmair. Jack Kennedy said it: "Life is unfair." As someone who spent his childhood in bed as a sickly young man (and had persistent health problems in adulthood), he recognized the unevenness of life. No, life (or fate, if you prefer) isn't at all even-handed. But I agree with you, my reader, that everyone can find someone if they really want to. The "really" means a willingness to overlook, to compromise, to do without less important qualities. (Old-world wisdom has it that the way to a happy marriage is to keep one eye shut and the other half-open. It's worth a try, no?) That's why you must know what you really NEED in a partner, as opposed to the silly little frills that are the nonessentials. I strongly suggest writing the two lists on paper so you can see for yourself the gap between the two. And I hope you take your insights to heart and follow through. Enough said. <p>Updated: Wed Sep 23, 2020</p> 97908d4aa3df3e198e69c3d079b4517d Views of Sex for 09/16/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/09/20/views-of-sex-8a5b5 Wed, 16 Sep 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>DEAR SUSAN: When sex is mentioned, I don't think so much of being ashamed of my body as I do "our needs," and that's when my upbringing comes into play. Responsibility, religion, the Golden Rule, role models, friends, my experiences with the opposite sex all shaped my view of sexuality. It's not so much guilt but rather right and wrong that stems from my upbringing. Are we to have sex just to fill our needs, or must/should there also be feelings? Then, too, I have those feelings about women having sex with men. So I'm rather confused myself when it comes to sex. </p> <p>DEAR BLOGGER: <span class="column--highlighted-text">Who isn't confused about their bodily urges?!</span> With all the influences and mixed messages in early years, interspersed with personal hormonal pangs and urges, there's a lot to misunderstand. So what's a person to do with the accumulated jumble of urges and counterurges? It's a wonder more of us don't walk around in concentric circles when it comes to the other sex. Oh, yes, that other one that's reputed to be totally different from us in every way (sigh). Yet somehow, most of us muddle through and enjoy our sexual selves. Still, here we are, courting that other sex and convinced we're OK. Until, of course, we're not. And then we (if we're wise) head to the nearest therapist to hear ourselves &#8212; and them &#8212; discuss the most private and personal part of our being. Why, oh, why, isn't sex a must after the age of (fill in the blank). Most of us learn about our sexual self from another person, someone not qualified to fill in the blanks. You're rather confused about sex? Join the club. <p>Updated: Wed Sep 16, 2020</p> b2011c925205eb4f23b004a18fcdd8bb Cheating Wife? for 09/09/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/09/20/cheating-wife-f9b70 Wed, 09 Sep 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>Dear Susan: Can you confirm the following as signs of a cheating wife? </p> <p>&#8212; Not appreciative of quality sexual intercourse with husband.<p>Updated: Wed Sep 09, 2020</p> 4f9136cf425ba3d9c87f2ff88ea5bb1e Space for 09/02/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/susan-deitz-single-file/09/20/space-a4002 Wed, 02 Sep 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>"Love one another, but make not a bond of love;</p> <p>"Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.<p>Updated: Wed Sep 02, 2020</p>