This is more than an exercise; this is a commandment! You absolutely must make being good to yourself a daily event. And very few people, even those closest to you, can even begin to know what that means; even that inner circle can't read your mind. No, only you can give yourself what you need to grow and thrive. But now that I've got your attention, let me toss out some suggestions:

—Gift yourself a program of regular exercise. It should be at least every other day. Fitness and stamina aren't merely modern jargon; they actually make you a candidate for long life. Any objections?

—Treat yourself to a bunch of fresh flowers — for no particular event — simply because their color and life boost the spirit.

—Find a fragrance that strikes a chord with you — and wear it often. Bath oil lasts a long time on the skin, is much less expensive than perfume and has a soft aroma that makes you nice to be next to and can become your trademark.

—Break the Puritan ethic and indulge in a massage. A combination of acupressure and Swedish-style rigor works for me, but find your own favorite — and stick to it. Weekly massage is less of a luxury than you'd imagine. It promotes circulation, tones muscles and firms the skin. After one or two trials, chances are you'll probably decide to spend your money this way instead of accumulating yet another piece of clothing to hang in the closet. Get the name of a licensed professional from a credible source and give it a try! For years, I resisted my own mother's urgings to try getting massages, but now I firmly believe that massages and meditation — as regular parts of a routine — complement each other, bringing body and mind into harmony.

—Copy the following and post it where you will see it often: "Happiness comes from your decisions; it is neither gift nor blessing. Your life is the sum of your choices."

—Test different approaches to reach your goals. Don't be reluctant to change serving lines in life's cafeteria.

—Make resolutions twice a year, adding your birthday to New Year's Eve. Ring in your own new year by nudging yourself to keep the promises made Dec. 31.

—Always, always save time for yourself. Reserve a few moments daily (preferably at the same time) for prayer or meditation — alone time for you. Gradually, this period of sanctuary from daily life will become a necessity; it is also a privilege. And being good to yourself will not make you selfish; healthy self-interest actually makes you less of a martyr (ahem, single parents), less of a frump (if you've given up on your appearance) and less dependent.

In a delicious twist, treating yourself right actually makes you less selfish, because the better fed you are the more you have to give to those who look to you for nourishment. As you ingest more satisfactions delivered from your own hand, you'll develop more faith — in life's possibilities, perhaps in God, primarily in yourself. Confidence in your own effectiveness brings with it greater optimism about the future. As you think of yourself as more precious, you will be more discriminating about the things you give to yourself. You will sustain yourself with balanced helpings of life's bounty. For if you are not wise in your own behalf, who will be?

DEAR READERS: We've uncovered a treasure-trove of "Single File" paperbacks — in perfect condition, ready to read. Send $15 and your address to: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. I'll send you a signed copy.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].