DEAR SUSAN: I've been seeing a young naval officer for three months. There are many things about him I like, but there's one problem: I don't have his home phone number or address. He is the one who calls me and comes to my house.

When I asked for his number, he evaded the question. And several times he's made reference to never having married. I asked someone who knows him whether he's married, and he wasn't sure if he was or not. My hunch is that he's married or living with someone. What should I do at this point? — Greta G., Long Island, New York

DEAR GRETA: Listen to your hunch — and ask his marital status again. This time don't let him skirt the question. Keep pressing for the truth — which you probably already know. You must stop this relationship dead in its tracks before someone (you) gets hurt really bad. And if he gives a so-so answer and you still feel a gnawing unease, it's time to say bye-bye. I don't know how you met him, but this sailor is asking you to sail with him on murky waters of deception and mistrust. The very next time he phones, ask him the M question. Your instinct wants to save you a lot of grief.

DEAR SUSAN: After living with my fiancee over a year, I moved out of state looking for work. At first, she understood, then she began blaming me for her problems: stalled career, low finances, family embarrassment for my leaving, and so on. Now I'm back, with the best job of my life. But she's still angry at me.

I'm afraid that even if we do reconcile, I'll be constantly scolded for "abandoning" her. I know it was the right choice for me at the time, and it did pay off with long-term rewards — potentially for both of us. Should I try to reconcile? — Reuben R., Indianapolis, Indiana

DEAR REUBEN: The answer isn't mine to give. You've got to sit down with yourself and think this through. Take your time and get to know your fiancee again; see if she's changed because of your "abandonment." Do you still feel comfortable with her? Is she still the person you want to share your life with? She may be a changed person, so deeply influenced by her family and her own anger that she's more enemy than friend. A temporary separation may be the solution; time apart will settle one way or the other your doubts and her rage. The two of you may have been altered by the separation, so give yourselves time and space to be separate people.

DEAR SUSAN: I've been dating a woman for three months. I really love her, but at the same time I'm scared of being hurt. We're planning to marry next year, but she's agreed to live together for now — as long as we're engaged by December.

I don't want to hurt her feelings if I decide at the last minute that this should be postponed. I wonder what my problem is, and how I can solve it without losing the one woman I truly and deeply love. My fear makes me lie to her a lot. How do I get out of its web and still keep her? — Perry K., Cherry Hill, New Jersey

DEAR PERRY: You can't. And my sense is that you've already opted for freedom. But in any case, the lies — to her and to yourself — must give way to honest dialogue between the two of you. Lots of it. You need to share with your beloved the fears that are holding you back from loving her with all your heart. And you need to start asking friends and family for a counselor who can help you over the hurdles standing in the way of your happiness. None of this will come as a total shock to your beloved; that's why she insists on a deadline for getting engaged — she already senses your hesitation. I suggest you put off moving in together until you've given yourself the chance to explore it with a professional. Far better a late engagement than a timely — but failed — marriage.

ONLINE DATING INDUSTRY REJECTS REQUIREMENT: The International Association of Dating Websites (www.iadw.org) is opposed to proposed legislation that would require all dating websites to either do criminal background checks for all their members or post a very large disclaimer on the website's homepage saying that no background checks are being performed.

"IADW believes that every dating website should caution its members about safety issues. But requiring a criminal background check would be costly. One of the main reasons the online dating industry is able to provide quality service to so many millions of singles is because the process is inexpensive. Criminal background checks can easily double the cost, making it too pricey for millions of singles. Offering criminal background checks as an option (at additional cost) is the proper way to address this issue."

This is an excerpt from a release from IADW. I believe such checks are important to the health of the online dating industry. Making them optional may or may not be the answer. I myself am not certain about the financial aspect of the issue. Any comments?

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected]. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks — in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Photo credit: Luemen Rutkowski at Unsplash