DEAR SUSAN: Your work interests me. What made you choose single life to write about? — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Back in the days of the covered wagon — now hold it right there! "Single File" isn't that old! To continue: Back in semi-olden days, I was catapulted into the single world suddenly, a widow and single parent. My family kept at me to marry again quickly and resume a "normal" life, but somehow that was not my instinct. I wanted to see what I could do in this old world, just little old me. But I had massive amounts of fear to contend with, tigers that came in the night and hurled their questions in the small morning hours. What if I fell ill and couldn't care for my son, Scott? What if that nice man doesn't phone as he said he would? What if he doesn't like the way I've structured my life? What if my family doesn't understand my new life and begins thinking of me as an old maid, over the hill? What if Scott never again has a dad? What if I never remarry?

During more terror-filled nights than I care to recall, the composed woman writing this was a panicky child. But sleepless nights gave way to bright mornings, and during one of them, I wrestled insecurity to the mat and forced it to reveal its other side, realism. That was the day I realized that the only way to enjoy my life was to accept my single status and get on with the business of living. Paralysis left me. I was at last freed to build a life for Scott and myself because I had decided to leave the terrorizing what-ifs for building the realistic "as if" life and going from there. It enabled me to make my life my own, structuring the present in an organized, cohesive, long-range time frame.

Please know that though the approach is designed for the long haul, it will not keep you unmarried one moment longer than you choose. In fact, the expansion and involvement built into it could actually move you out of the single world sooner rather than later. Love seems to have a better chance of survival in a life made livable before its arrival. Every word of my advice has been tested and retested by me — in real life. Single life chose me.

DEAR SUSAN: You're always reminding readers to be good to ourselves. Just what does that mean, specifically? — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: In a busy, hectic life, where you feel torn in many different directions, it ain't easy. But you need to bring with you (everywhere you go) the sense of your own importance. Not in a vain, boastful way, not at all. In the real, deep-down way, the solid confidence born of managing a full life. So much rests with you in your role as single parent (of either gender) for you and your beloveds. You must remember that you are the central pillar of your family.

Always, always make time for yourself. Refresh yourself by reserving a few moments every day, preferably at the same time, for personal prayer or mediation, private thoughts. Gradually, this period of sanctuary from daily life will become a necessity. It is also a privilege.

That said, a huge disclaimer: Being good to yourself will not make you selfish. Good, healthy self-interest makes you less of a martyr, less of a frump, less dependent. In a delicious twist, treating yourself right actually makes you less selfish, because the better fed you are the more you have to give to the people who look to you for nourishment. As you ingest more satisfaction delivered from your own hand, you'll develop more faith in what life can offer, perhaps in God, primarily in yourself. Confidence in your own effectiveness brings with it greater optimism about the future. As you think of yourself as more precious, you will be more discriminating in the things you give yourself. You will sustain yourself with balanced helpings from life's bounty. If you're not wise on your own behalf, who will be?

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected]. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks — in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Photo credit: designerlisahenry at Pixabay