DEAR SUSAN: I beg to differ with your advice! A single parent has the right to deal with dating issues like spending the night with a lover without interference from children. I've seen people miss many good chances by following advice like yours. I've also seen singles lose good chances for love while taking care of sick and aging parents. — Lise G. H., Indianapolis, Indiana

DEAR LISE: Wow. I sincerely pray no children are in your care. As a parent — single or otherwise — they'd be "interferences" in your life, obstacles to the pleasure you want. That's where I beg to differ with you! Most of us see our progeny as miracles and our love for them as ennobling in the highest degree. Giving up something — a night with a lover, the biggest bedroom in the house — is a privilege and a treat. Don't you get it? Children are a sacred trust, given to us for a very brief time, giving us the rare chance to be the best parts of our selves. If you've been with me a while, you know I don't see single parenting as martyrdom. No way. But in the crunches, when the head of household is faced with a choice between the right way and self-indulgence, she/he must come through. That's what they're there for. And that only adds to the joy, believe me.

DEAR SUSAN: I'm a 79-year-old gay man — father of four, grandfather of five and great-grandfather of one (so far). What a life it has been and continues to be. I appreciate your "Single File" column and thank you for your acceptance of all of us — and your sensitivity and mature/practical comments.

I'd like a copy of the "Declaration of Undependence" and the "Sexual Bill of Rights"; they will be helpful in communicating with my family. Thanks again. — Jon Peterson, Long Island, New York

DEAR JON: Letters like yours make me more sure than ever that I'm on the right track when it comes to the wide horizons of singleness. We are after all from the same seed and the same universe. Boundaries can be troublemakers; the fewer the better. I am proud that you're a reader of mine.

DEAR SUSAN: I've read your column every week for more years than I can remember, but I never expected to be single in this time frame! After four children and 27 years of marriage, my husband, 52, went home to his parents. His sister is divorcing, and his brother is marrying a woman 10 years younger, so his family encouraged his decision.

As for me, I have no parents to "help." Our marriage was all I wanted, and I was looking forward to being married until death parted us. It seems that outside influences, including a "religion" my husband was involved with for many years, have taken their toll on our life. My husband's complaint? We "grew apart." Corny, and senseless. My heart is broken. I was single until I was 30, but never wanted to be single again. Just needed to tell you. — Terri T., Tucson, Arizona

DEAR TERRI: Don't give up the ship. Until divorce papers are finalized and the seal is on them, there's a chance for reconciliation. See if you can't talk with your husband; 27 years is a big chunk of time, and he must be feeling queasy about the step he took. If there's goodwill between the two of you, a few conversations might make him miss you and his home and his family. After all, he's not a child, and living with his parents can't be comfortable. See if you can't invite him to share a weekend with you, NOT in the family homestead but at a country inn, in an informal setting that gives privacy and space for long walks together. Yes, you make the first call. Chase him a bit — don't worry about your pride or how it looks. You want this man, you want this marriage, you want the life you shared with him. Well, if it's what you want, fight for it! He might just like a feisty wife who goes after what she wants. And if he doesn't, well, at least you'll be using skills you haven't used for a long time. Maybe you needed a good shaking up, Terri. Whatever the silly reason for it, you may have become too complacent, and this is a wake-up call. You go, girl!

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected]. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks — in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

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