DEAR SUSAN: What's up with this modern nonsense where the fear of disease (or simply of disappointment) is supposed to justify living half a life? (Hmmm. They used to use fear of pregnancy the same way — couldn't be an excuse to control women, could it?) Nobody's advocating sleeping around like a maniac, but taking a chance once in a while — geez! Have an adventure! Make a connection! Collect some good stories to tell at the old-age home! If you never find the "right" person, at least you won't have spent your life on the wistful sidelines. And if you do find them, you'll bring good experience — and comfortableness in your own skin — to that relationship. I'm a 50-something woman with a wonderful partner, a colorful past and no regrets. NONE. — From the Internet

DEAR BLOGGER: You may be colorful and experienced, but answer me this: Does sex make for a complete life? Conversely, does a period of celibacy — chosen, self-imposed — put a person on the sidelines, all wistful and full of regret? Isn't the roller coaster of dashed hopes and dreams (turned into regret and shame) more than simple disappointment? How much sexual experience does anyone need to make them comfortable in their own skin? Is that all there is, the piling up of erotic happenings? Doesn't life hold out a zillion opportunities to self-create, to establish relationships, to explore, to be more? Why would anyone open their souls (yes, there is more than fleshly contact in the sex act) often and without deep feelings? How is it possible to "adventure" with so many lovers? You and I have much to talk about, not to mention those STIs out there waiting to take up lifelong residence in your body. Those are the thoughts that can be used (by oneself) to rein in those "good stories" to relate in the old-age home. Provided, of course, that you reach old age. Fingers crossed.

DEAR SUSAN: I like Susan's column. I appreciate her positive responses and ideas. But overeating is still the responsibility of the person who is eating. Making conscious choices to eat healthy foods and to exercise is the only way to go. Placing blame elsewhere (the devil made me do it) isn't going to solve this man's problem, the one who keeps asking Susan why he can't find a partner. And to Tex H. in Portland, Susan is right in saying that having a heart-to-heart is required. I personally have no room in my relationships for this kind of jealousy. Most of my friends are men, and the ones who were jealous I left at the first sign of possessiveness. Jealousy stems from lack of trust, and if you've done nothing deserving of that lack of trust, then that's the other person's problem, not yours. But Tex, your girlfriend won't fix her jealousy problem unless she can admit it — and wants to. Otherwise, you're fighting a losing battle. What do you think, Susan? — From the Internet

DEAR (WISE) BLOGGER: The greens (aka jealousy) is a tricky issue because it masks itself in flattery. At first, it feels good — really good — to be so adored by this person that they can't stand anyone else diluting your affection. (By the way, neither gender has a lock on this sickness; it can take root in man or woman, and its fruit is most bitter.) You nailed it when you said the problem must come to the surface if it is to be cured. Like an alcoholic, the afflicted person must confront the problem before it can be worked through. Without that, the obsession can deepen. The basic problem, as I see it, stems from low self-esteem. And in the beginning of the togetherness, it can feel delicious to be wanted so much that no one else can enter this world-for-two. Oh, what a sick, unhappy world that turns out to be.

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