Sounds a bit corny celebrating your own unmarried state, but trust me not to burden you with same-old, same-old stuff. We may not always agree on things, you and moi, but it's a safe bet we'll learn something from each other most of the time. Take, for example, trumpeting your own singleness. At first reading, it may sound like outsize weirdity (is that a word?), a columnist's fantasy on steroids. But stay with me; read on; and keep an open mind.

Why not celebrate your singleness? You've done everything else: apologized for it, denied it, hated it, wished it away. Well, this is the moment you make a 180-degree spin and actually praise your marital status (!) Repeat this a few times and feel yourself smile. Maybe, just maybe, it's not so terrible to have total control over your money, your time, your energies ... and your choices. Maybe this column will prove to be your rite of passage from a conflicted singleness into more confidence. If getting from here to there looks impossible, have faith. This is the moment you and I are going to break a few traditions, and have fun doing it.

Buy a Rolodex file with medium-size cards in anticipation of forming your own single file. Now that you're coming along with me on this adventure, you might as well be prepared to write down names and addresses (and email addresses) of the people and groups who might become part of your support system (I call it a safety net) and can supply the goods and services to help your life run smoothly. Setting up this file will be your first step in announcing — to yourself — your growing undependence.

Next, begin planning a party you will host. Yep, little ol' wonderful you will christen that apartment you didn't put on hold for Mr. Wonderful and instead decided on yourself. Could there be a better reason to celebrate? I think not. But then again, if you're not ready for this leap (it's a biggy), just put a paper clip on the file card of a Realtor you've heard of and plan a potluck dinner next Sunday for your close pals, and maybe ask them to bring a friend. No reason to ditch the whole idea just because the timing isn't right. Chances are you'll really like being a solo act at your own party, because it allows you to mingle freely — without being tethered to a date!

This next idea may not feel right for you. But at least give it some thought. I'm suggesting that you formally announce to your world — friends, relatives, maybe the men in your life — that you're striking out on your own and setting up house. If you'd like china and linens, include a gift solicitation. Announcing it in writing gives the concept more importance, to them and, more importantly, to you. Make it silly or formal, or a combination. Use your own words, your own expressions, your own thoughts. It's time to poke fun at the worn-out limitations placed on women, especially on unmarried women. You may not have a day named in your honor because of it, but my hunch is that your announcement, however you made it, will raise more than a little dust in your corner of the world. You may even notice that your breaking out of the usual will help friends to make their own stand. Hey, this could be contagious.

We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks - in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].

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