For those lazy summer days (and nights), these are some high-voltage queries to ask yourself when you're intensely drawn to someone:
—Can I be myself with them?
—Do I like this someone as well as love them? (Two possible deal-breakers)
—How do I think I'll feel when sex between us loses its newness?
—Do the two of us see the future pretty much the same way, with similar goals and values?
—How sure am I that this is the person I want to be with long term?
—How do/would I feel about living with them to test our compatibility?
—Is this person solid, grounded, stable?
Dear Susan: Months ago we discussed being alone and feeling cheated by life. It's a good topic, and a good reminder. You can always find things other people have that you don't. But focusing on what you don't have — which sometimes can be motivating — is more often downright discouraging and at times even poisonous to the soul. A good balance? Appreciate everything you have, but at the same time be careful not to stagnate. Conclusion? You can look to do more, be more, learn more, experience more — while at the same time being happy (and grateful) for what is already in your life.
DEAR READERS: This is your invitation to send me your response to this letter. Taken from my former blog, its wisdom struck me as right to the point and very wise. Why do you agree/disagree? What would you add? Whatever your reaction, please take the time to share it with other readers. Looking forward to your letter!
(Meanwhile, some thoughts about a relationship where you're single and the other person isn't) Long, lonely pauses are inevitable between artificial togetherness that is saturated in guilt and ambivalence. Always, always there is a deep sense of shame, anger at always being second-best. The other's vacations — with family, naturally — the long weekends and holidays and parties, etc., not with you. What's in it for you? Being desired? Having your date book (sort of) filled? Don't even consider it!
Write for your free signed copy of Susan's "Declaration of Undependence" on parchment. Send your request to: Susan Deitz, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected]
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