Sexual expression is part of mental and physical well-being. On that we agree. But being unmarried, you also know how difficult it is to find caring and commitment from a partner. Sexual union has the potential to be spiritual communion, but only when it joins soul mates can it even come close to expressing that high level of togetherness and deliver on its promise to blend souls. (Anyone who's known the farce of loveless gymnastics can attest to that!) But it takes a bit of doing to make sense of the overchoice offered in single life, in which "romantic" situations occur with some regularity. So this Sexual Bill of Rights aims to help you gain insight into your sexual self — your personal morals and ethics — and help you gain the confidence of knowing what you want (and don't) without pained explanations or inner confusion.
As your gaze meanders down the page, turn your thoughts to other ways you can express your loving feelings. In this hectic life, it's all too easy to forget emotions such as gratitude, appreciation and friendship — and muffle them in the quest of meeting a busy schedule. That makes this a good opportunity to honor them. Make a visit to the local kennel, filled with love-starved animals badly in need of human affection. Write a loving letter to your parents, those well-meaning people who want only good things for you. Shepherd a group of newly arrived foreign students to a film or museum of their choice. Volunteer at the local hospital to read "Watership Down" to a group of hospitalized children. Share your gentleness by cuddling a newborn at the local orphanage. This world is full of people who need people, and sometimes all it takes to start an avalanche of kindness is one person. (Ahem.) Is this any way to have a sex life? When the alternative is junk sex, you bet it is!
—I will adopt a consistent "live and let live" view toward others' sexual choices. I will be slow to judge or condemn.
—I will shape a code of conduct based on my personal needs and sense of rightness. My main concern is to maintain mental comfort and general ease.
—I reserve the right to remain virgin or chaste, knowing that neither state is harmful and certain that periods of celibacy can be productive and fulfilling.
—I will not be coerced when making sexual decisions and will avoid those who pressure me.
—I refuse to be enslaved by stale and corrosive stereotypes that view the male as only (and always) the aggressor and the female as only (and always) passive.
—If acceptable to my personal sense of morality, I will engage in self-pleasuring. It shows me my sexual tastes, prepares me for coupled sex and keeps me from risky and inappropriate sex.
DEAR READERS: We've uncovered a treasure-trove of "Single File" paperbacks — in perfect condition, ready to read. Send $15 and your address to: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. I'll send you a signed copy.
Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].
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