Once we fall in love, we tend to think it's the other person — the beloved — who is filling in the missing part of our emotional neediness and making us feel complete. Both sexes fall into that abyss and never fully recover. Sadly, we tend to look for a person who will make us feel like a real woman/man, totally fulfilled and whole. Well, truth be told, it just isn't so, my friend. What actually happens in love is that the act of loving puts us in touch with our ability to express lovingness, and that ability is the missing part we've craved. By inspiring us to express lovingness, our beloved connects us with the missing element of ourselves. It isn't that the other person fills you up and makes you whole and you're all jagged edges without him or her. The object of your affection is a catalyst, not a missing piece. No person other than you has the ability to make you whole.
Keeping that gem in mind, you probably won't be so quick to look to love (or a love object) for salvation. Using that fact as a mantra, you'll stop waiting for Eros to come along and instead start today to build your other sources of satisfaction — friends, family, work, interests — and become your own savior. And besides saving yourself, you'll be liberating your future object from having to be all things to you. And while you're musing on that tidbit, please pay attention to the issue of healthy brainwashing. I kid you not.
Set aside 10 minutes a day to "brainwash" yourself in a positive, natural way about new beliefs. Each day, choose one belief ("I am a capable person" or "I am building a new life for myself") and repeat it aloud or think it quietly to yourself, over and over until it resonates in your mind. Breathe slowly, and form the words as you exhale. Do remember to put your phone in another room and close the windows. This is definitely quiet time.
Repeat these phrases as you drift off to sleep, on your way to work, while you walk the supermarket aisles. (They're particularly valuable when you're feeling blue. I know.) Assimilate them as you would a new language. With repetition, your thoughts will begin to mimic the words, and you'll slowly start to feel more confident, energized and unburdened. Pretty soon, some of your friends will notice your changed outlook. And their reaction will reinforce your new behavior — and they themselves may even change in relation to you.
You can begin that cycle of positive transformation while you're becoming clearer about who you are, readier to express your new and improved self, surer of your decisions, and more compatible with yourself and others.
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