Sex being a clear barometer of relatedness between partners (i.e., the state of their entire relationship), let's you and I look at the positive side of the concept. The bedroom seems (to me, at least) to be an ideal setting for broadcasting one's appreciation for his or her partner's tender loving care in the rest of their shared life. Sadly, quite the opposite message is the one loudly vented in most sex therapists' offices: A partner's anger is being shown through withholding sex. So — for a change of scene — let's imagine a harmonious bedding that expresses gratitude within the bedroom for the rest of the togetherness, beyond its walls. (The phenomenon gets precious little ink in the papers, but this is one of those rare media moments when it's not only discussed but encouraged.) Need a glass of water right now?
Ask any sex therapist about the bed as arena for deeper feelings and odds are you'll collide headfirst with the issue respectfully examined here. (When I first mentioned bed gratitude to a certain television host, she hooted and howled. But the next day, she phoned to say she planned to build a whole show around it!)
When you decide to think about the concept seriously, it makes perfect sense that sexuality is the clearest expression of feelings between partners. In bed, stripped of any shred of pretense/illusion (aka clothing), bared in body and soul, what you see is what you get. That allows us to be ourselves, the sum total of all we are and all we have been. There can be no fudging. Masks slip with time, but in bed, no mask can cover. You are bared and vulnerable only to your partner, which makes it the optimal setting to tenderly express appreciation. Too often buried in the busyness of daily life, signs of genuine caring can come into their own in the room set aside for the most intimate communication.
What is pleasure for one brings joy to the other. Minds are as one, intent only on dallying and sipping pure delight from the other's thrills. There is no role rigidly played out, no dampening of spontaneity. Bed is where souls can unite and become more than they were as separate beings. Communion takes place in their joinings, from which lovers emerge refreshed and revitalized. Bed can inspire lovers to touch each other's soul.
DEAR READERS: We've uncovered a treasure-trove of "Single File" paperbacks — in perfect condition, ready to read. Send $15 and your address to: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. I'll send you a signed copy.
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