DEAR READERS: I was asked by a reader to address want versus need. Here goes:

Human nature is to want what we want when we want it. Impulsive, shutting out cautionary advice, we move toward the object of our desire and reach out for it. Most of the time, in smallish matters, that's not a major misstep. But in the arena of love, where the heart is the major player, there can be so much pain for such a long time that it is not only prudent but self-protective to dig into one's own psyche to uncover the froth — the "nonsense wants" — and expose (to yourself, mainly) what it is you really and truly need in a long-term partner.

Inspired by the pile of sad love stories in my files, I designed an exercise in my book "Single File," asking readers to list qualities they want looking across the breakfast table in the morning. Then, on another sheet of paper, I asked them to list qualities they absolutely must have for breakfast, lunch and dinner. You guessed it: The lists were markedly uneven, wants in a rather longish and flowery list and needs dramatically shorter and of greater substance.

This is why I ask (aka plead) with my readers to discourage their young'uns from making any serious love commitment. The 20s are the decade for exploring the world and yourself. Not much else, the way I see it. These are the years to pile up sights, experiences, impressions. And friendships. You're just coming out of your chrysalis, eager to know what this thing called life (and love) is all about. Be a sponge, sopping up these days that come with few responsibilities. Be curious. Oh, yes, be curious. But sans engagement ring. The real thing will come, and you'll know it when it does because you will know yourself. But not before you reach your 30s and are in full bloom. Stay curious, my friend.

SEND FOR YOUR PARCHMENT SET: My Declaration of Undependence, Sexual Bill of Rights and Emancipation Proclamation are all on parchment and free for the asking.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].

Photo credit: Susanne Nilsson