DEAR SUSAN: I'm a 65-year-old woman who has been engaged three times but never married. No surprise, really. By the time I was 17, my mother had been married three times and my father, seven. (I used to say I watched them tear each other's heart out with a spoon; didn't really make marriage look inviting.) Guess I have a fear of commitment. But I'd like to answer your questions because they seem provocative!

—"Have you chosen not to marry because you want to grow?" After the long-term relationships I've had ended, I saw that I'd outgrown them. I think marriage has a way of defining you, so when you go through a change, your definition needs to change. (My partners were inflexible and didn't accept the changes I was going through.) Even at my age, I feel marriage is still a possibility for me. I guess that what I want is a partner to have my back. I'm increasingly vulnerable, as my art puts me in the public eye, and I want someone with my best interest at heart. Partners need to be balanced financially or totally trust each other.

—"Have you not married because you don't want the responsibility of coordinating your sexual needs with those of another person on a long-term basis?" I haven't really thought about the sexual demands of marriage. Men seem to enjoy the fact that I enjoy sex, but I don't know how good a lover I am. Of course, at this age, my sexual appetite has changed, but I do enjoy cuddling and wherever that might lead.

—"Do you consider yourself to have ever been promiscuous? What is your definition of 'promiscuous,' and has that definition changed as you've grown within your singleness?" What do you mean by "promiscuous"? Do you mean I had sex with anyone I wanted to? Yeah, I guess I did. Would I do that now? No. I'm very protective now, so the bar for intimacy is set pretty high. About consistent companionship: Living alone for such a long time makes me enjoy going at my own pace. There are not a lot of people I'd like to be around continually. (Married, I'd need a lot of space.) A good couple make a wonderful team and can do incredible things that someone alone can't. Good partners temper each other and bring out the best in each other. It's a case where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. A married sex life would require compromise to each other's needs. I enjoy sex because it feels good. As I said before, I think cuddling is much more important.

—"What has single life done for you?" I became prepared. I was waiting for someone to come along and join me in making decisions or make them for me — buying a house, investing. Then I started doing it myself, and it was very empowering. It has gotten me to the point where I am today, which I feel is successful, healthy and beautiful. As far as society is concerned in making me feel guilty, if my mother didn't make me cave, no one ever will. Yes, I agree that one love for a lifetime is a beautiful thing, but I don't think I'm the type of person who could have had just one, especially with my parentage. So looking for love at this stage is my goal. Thank you, Susan, for asking these questions.

DEAR READERS: Thank you all for opening your hearts and minds to my questions. If you'd like your chance to answer them, let me know by email. (I do hope you'll plan to share your answers with the rest of us.) This particular set of questions was only for the never-married. But I've designed questions for every conceivable lifestyle within our single community, so your turn will come. Soon.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].

Photo credit: Dennis van Zuijlekom