DEAR SUSAN: You're a matrimaniac. The questions you asked in your survey — and later in your column — convince me you believe that people must marry to have a good life. Such a bias can be so intense that believers actually fetishize the romantic dyad relationship, imbuing it with mystical power and significance it simply doesn't have. Matrimaniacs think that everyone who isn't coupled should try to find a long-term partner and that single people are incomplete. For them, the universe revolves around couplehood. For most of human history, though, marital partnership has been considered nice to have but nothing everybody is supposed to desire. In the past, no one thought it was unusual when large parts of the population were celibate. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Please take the time to read and consider the following, sent from a fellow reader with a very different interpretation of this column. I am constantly amazed by the breadth of its thoughtful readership and its expression. That readers' opinions are poles apart is, for me, secondary to the clarity and sincerity of their stances.

Readers, when you've digested both views, please take the time to send along your own comments.

"Dear Susan: I'm actually quite glad you took the time to reiterate your mission statement for 'Single File,' as I do think it's easy enough to think of the column as only for the unmarried or those not in a relationship rather than reaching out to people in all stages of relationships. And I'm actually pretty comfortable with the way you put it. I've never really liked the idea of not being 'complete' until you find your mate. To me, that seems codependent and unhealthy.

"My husband and I are very much a couple, but we also retain our own identities, activities, likes and dislikes. I think people's identities do change over time — we can't help but be shaped by the people around us and our life experiences — but that doesn't mean you aren't an individual. I also like to consider a relationship as being when another person's happiness is as important to you as your own — a partnership of equals in which both individuals are respected and supported."

My opinion? Not every coupling can fit that description, but when it does, whooee! All the talk about celibacy and marriage-as-option fades into the ether when confronted with a grown-up love shared by two thoughtful adults. OK, I admit being on the side of the angels. And you?

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].

Photo credit: Deborah