DEAR READERS: I bet you didn't know (it was certainly new information for this columnist) that the median age at first marriage is currently 25.8 for women and 27.4 for men, the highest ages on record. But that's not all the news; the best is yet to come. People's marriage behavior has changed more in the past 30 years than it did in the previous 3,000. More people are living together without marrying, and more are marrying someone of another race. It's truly an open world with looser ties that bind. And as I see it, that's progress in this world.

But what intrigues me deep down at core level is the finding that more women are procreating outside of marriage, reflecting flexible boundaries and a less judgmental society. (If you don't agree, I'd love to know your reasoning.) From this perch, it seems society is moving away from a former role and toning down its judgment on many lifestyles. The pioneers of new forms of relationship don't encounter so many raised eyebrows, and that has to be a good thing.

Thinking back, my book "Single File" zeroed in on single unwed mothers at a time when many people just didn't want to hear it. It seemed clear to me that even in those times, a dwindling pool of single men and a growing abundance of unwed women were on a collision course and paying the price of societal disapproval would be a smallish penalty for such a humungous payoff. Yes, it's an unconventional decision. But is it a burden to place on small shoulders? Will the children of unwed mothers find an icy reception as a playmate? Your thoughts, please!

DEAR SUSAN: I've written to you before about my relationship with a young widower who won't tell his in-laws about me. His mother-in-law speaks of her daughter as if she were still alive. Even now, a year later, nothing has changed. He still won't tell his in-laws about me. I believe that his refusal means our relationship isn't going to be long-term. Some friends say I should hang in there, that things will get better. But our love life is at the point where we're roommates, not lovers. I've been patient, but how long is too long? — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: When you ask an advice columnist (in this case, moi, a perfect stranger) for permission to flee this bed of sickness, it smacks of desperation, of your being at your wits' end and looking for someone to open the door. Well, I'll play gatekeeper — but why did you wait so long? And why do you need permission to react to your viscera?

Girl, you've got to develop confidence in yourself. No one knows your real needs like you yourself. And for the future, remember to tune in to your core self before making any important decisions. Instinct is a powerful ally — maybe your BFF.

Getting back to this weird situation and your part in it, I'm sorely tempted to say that you have a part in the melodrama by referring to the older couple as in-laws. What could be weirder? And what are you doing hanging around these people? They are the past; it's over, and you know it. But still you cling to the past they represent. If you ask me, that's as sick as speaking of them in the present tense. C'mon, go for the present. It comes with the possibility of rejection, yes, but it also stirs our faith and optimism. "The best is yet to be" is part of every shimmering sunrise, if we don't allow fear to choreograph our life. Speak up, little lady. It's time.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].

 Photo credit: Nicholas Purcell Studio