DEAR SUSAN: Those dorks who pretend to be nice so they can creep their way into a woman's panties are the same ones incessantly whining that "women don't like nice guys; they only want alpha males." The man who says he's a "nice guy" usually isn't. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: In the dating game, truth in advertising is rare. Far better to trust your own instincts about this person who seems nice but is new in your life. Time is the only thing to trust — time and your own instincts/awareness. Yes, you can certainly rationalize your way into a messy situation by rushing at your libido's pace, but in the final curtain, you'll only find disillusion. The mask you found so exciting slipped with time, leaving only a bare-faced lie for solace.

Think of it this way: The single life you are leading gives you the luxury of time, a luxury not afforded to everyone. But here you are, all cozy and secure in your lifestyle, not entirely fulfilled — love is missing — but nonetheless making the most of each day. It would take an outstanding person to complete the picture, and this new person looks as if he or she could add what you need. Or maybe not. Time will tell. And so, despite the urgings of the flesh to hurry into the bedroom, you're backpedaling — savoring the flush of excitement but not carried away by it. Self-described nice guy? We'll see. Fingers crossed.

DEAR SUSAN: Usually, you're fair and balanced, yet recently, you did the usual male-bashing — and most likely didn't notice — when you wrote, "Any woman worth her lip gloss knows that a good man nowadays is hard to find." The implication, always, is that men are inferior to the many good women who are naturally superior. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Let me restore your faith in women, in life and in this journalist, my friend. "A good man nowadays is hard to find" is a line from a popular song; the lyrics came to mind as I was shaping the column around lip gloss and silly hyperbole. No derision toward men was ever part of my writing, simply because I've always regarded men (good men) as friends — and sometimes more.

Consider this, from the last chapter of my book "Single File": "Relating to men in friendship is enabling us to realize that a true friend would not ask us to surrender selfhood in the name of love. A man who regards us as a person rather than a sex object will actually invite our individuality to bloom — and that is the new criterion beginning to replace the chemical reaction we exalted for so long. Physical attraction as a guide to a soulmate has been a disappointment. The metamorphosis we women have engendered is bringing both sexes, happily, toward reciprocal spiritual development. There is always room in our lives for that kind of love from a man, because we can trust it to enhance our own self-development even as we tend to our partner's nurturance. There is abundant space in your life for a man who will enrich you in your expanded personhood. But never become distanced from your single core." I rest my case.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].

Photo credit: Diego Torres Silvestre