DEAR SUSAN: Maybe I've mistaken the point of "Single File" — which I imagined would be about people who are "single," i.e., not in a long-term committed relationship. You seem hung up on the notion that most people "lose themselves" when they enter a relationship. Some certainly do, but just as many do not.

I can only assume that attempts to make your expertise include maintaining one's identity while being part of a couple are really about reaching a wider audience — one that includes people in committed relationships instead of just those who are truly single. That's fine, but please don't pretend, as you did in a response to a previous post of mine, that I don't understand the difference between being single — which, to nearly everyone on this planet, means not being in a long-term committed relationship — and being in such a relationship but still being healthy enough to have retained one's own identity. Also, that it is healthy to keep one's identity in a committed relationship is not, in this day and age, gasp-worthy. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Your rather limited and outmoded understanding of singleness shows you to be a newcomer to this corner of Singleworld. (That said, let's have at it.) Fact is, the widowhood that lured me into a lifework led to the realization that each of us has a single core — our individuality — that needs expression and recognition in every form of relationship.

I truly hope, friend, that you begin to understand that my focus on singleness goes beyond — way beyond — marital status and always has been a broader interpretation of "single." And members of each new generation need to be reminded that their first responsibility is to themselves and that no form of relationship must imperil their selfhood. Ever. Selfhood is the singleness that coexists seamlessly within any dyad, allowing it full and healthy expression. Now are you gasping for air?

DEAR SUSAN: People who've been married for years have come home to find that their spouse has packed up and decamped. Getting married certainly doesn't prevent that from happening. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: If there's one eternal truth, it is that life holds few guarantees. Marriage is certainly not among them. Wedding rings have been known to be hocked and removed at will. As for fidelity, well, it is only as pure as the person involved. A cheater will always cheat, guaranteed. It's a style of thinking, of getting through the day, of enjoying the tingling mischief of secret trysts. And so it will be, until the last syllable of recorded time. A marriage license is merely a legalization, only as binding as the integrity of the people involved. Think about that the next time you feel helplessly, hopelessly in love. Time is the eternal watchman.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].

Photo credit: Alexander Mueller