DEAR SUSAN: As a single man who is 5 feet 4 inches tall, I've had relationships with women who are much taller than I am, women who are shorter than I am and women who are the same height as I am; all of them should be applauded. But I've also had some who rejected me on the basis of my height alone. Women can change their height by wearing heels, but a man can't do anything about his. In the same vein, a person's weight can be changed — and some men like weighty chicks. But the way I see it, the single scene is filled with too much fantasy about looks — height, weight and facial features — and not nearly enough reality. Thanks, Susan, for your advocacy of the height issue. Maybe, just maybe, some (more secure) women will come to realize that tall doesn't always equal Mr. Right. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: The thing is that we're not educated in partnership. Most of us haven't a clue as to what is — and isn't — important to a harmonious relationship, because we've never been clued in to its essentials. (Stay with me; we're going on a rocky road here.) So in our relatively young and immature society, we have to fend for ourselves when it comes to the important ingredients of successful relating. Which boils down to the individual's finding out for himself just what it is that makes togetherness satisfying. And by that time, often it's too late; divorce is already happening, and great disillusion is settling in on both people involved in the melee. No one steps up to the plate to pass on wisdom, because no one is really sure enough to pass it on to the next generation.

So we're lost in the stars, totally on our own — and lots of us have come up with the absurdity that taller is better. In our supreme effort to cobble together the perfect mate, we drifted toward tallness. Just why, I cannot say. Perhaps it is to create taller children, to be a better dance partner, to wear more stylish clothes. (Sounds silly, eh? What do inches have to do with anything — except inches?!) But still, the silliness continues — in dating, in romance novels, in the minds of the untutored. I once dated (seriously) someone whose mother bought him Adler elevated shoes so he would marry a rich girl. What laughs we had trying them on and posing in front of a mirror! In her mind, elegant equals tall — which equals marrying up. Before I double over with laughter, best to leave. You readers know my take on short men.

DEAR SUSAN: A man should know he's meeting the wrong women if all they care about is his money. I'm a 42-year-old woman — divorced, independent and attractive — with much the same issue. The men I come across are looking for a supermodel. Heaven forbid a woman be larger than a size 7! If she's not rail thin, they're not interested. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Interesting that you should equate money-obsessed women with appearance-obsessed men. As I see it, the common denominator among people who are finding such people in the dating world is that the search for true love is leading them down the very roads that almost guarantee their failure. And if you're more than mildly titillated by that statement, answers are sure to be found in a therapist's room of truth. But to continue: It makes no sense (and many painful experiences) to look for integrity and character in a room filled with insincere chatter. Better odds can be found by volunteering for a community project (United Way) or a spirituality-based group. Or a golf class, cooking course, environmentally oriented club. The point? To take your mind off something you don't have (love, a partner) and put it on something you do have: your strong interest in (fill in the blank). May I rest my case?!

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].