A singleness equated with isolation is as doomed to failure as a marriage expected to bring unending bliss; either way, a life can be no more (or less) than the sum of your choices. That said, I'm going to interest you in forming a support group of specialists. The services they can put into your life will be one of the prime ways you give yourself the self-reliance we're aiming for. After all, you and I aren't building a sham independence of bravado that cowers in the night, trembling at the thought of going it alone the next day. No, this joint venture will establish a bred-in-the-bones undependence (not a misspelling) that comes from a thoughtfully examined and prepared life. The phrase "real thing" may make you think of enduring romantic love, but here, in this context, it applies to authentic independence. You can experience romantic love several times in one life span, but you need build this groundedness only once.

To create your personal support group, you're going to create a list of names and phone numbers, beginning with an all-night drugstore, a dry cleaner with convenient hours, a physician who (preferably) works as part of a team and will make emergency house calls, and the nearest hospital emergency room. Add each coffee shop that delivers, an attorney you know and trust, an accountant, a tax specialist (if necessary), your spiritual leader, and a house of worship. If the idea of having such a group available — literally at your fingertips — makes you feel more secure (and why wouldn't it?), putting it in place should be done now, before the need arises.

Step 1: List services already in your life — a favorite druggist who fills prescriptions and gives advice, a local butcher who takes the time to explain the difference between shank and loin and doesn't put his thumb on the scales. In other words, start the resource file with names you know and trust. Then begin filling in empty spaces. Do your research with friends and family, getting recommendations from people you can trust. And as your life expands into different directions, keep adding to and editing the file. It can become the backbone of your undependence.

Step 2: While you're building your file, rethink each name. Are you satisfied? If anything about a resource doesn't feel quite right, make a mental note to ask friends and family for referrals.

Step 3: In some cases, you can expand your system through contacts already in place. For example, the bank official you've already visited (ahem!) might supply you with the name of a competent and understanding attorney. The general physician you already use might be able to give you the name of a specialist he/she works with. The family attorney might recommend an accountant. From those referrals, make a list of two or three names in each category.

Yes, write down all of this. You can never be too rich, too happy, too organized.

DEAR READERS: We've uncovered a treasure-trove of "Single File" paperbacks — in perfect condition, ready to read. Send $15 and your address to: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. I'll send you a signed copy.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].