"Yo! Fat Girl! C'mere. Are ya ticklish?"

So rapped the late rapper Humpty Hump, describing a good opening line to use on women who aren't a Size 4.

Maybe it worked for him. Who knows?

And, yo, if you can't say stuff like that, are you really a rapper, are you really a gangsta, are you really the leader of the free world, are you really a man?

And if you're not really a man, why not just go home and get high?

And watch porn, or sports, or play video games?

Academics, sociologists, statisticians and other fancy Nancy boys say there's an epidemic of loneliness among men, that we're withdrawing from the world. Women get more college degrees than men, they can get good jobs, they can become bosses and they no longer have to marry one of us just to afford a house or a decent car. Increasingly, the male part of childrearing takes maybe 15 minutes, and every other weekend if we're involved at all.

Faced with this new world, a lot of men are choosing to do a General Lee in the War Between the Sexes.

We're surrendering.

And, as he always echoes, President Donald Trump picked up the flag and charged, going forward for every male who has withdrawn into the dab pen and a screenful of porn labeled "Barely Legal."

"Quiet, piggy," said the man who is heir to the oratory of Franklin Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln.

He said it to a woman, of course. There's no sense in saying it to a man. If we get fat, we have "dad bods," or we're "bears." A woman, on the other hand, is a "pig" if she has three kids and puts on 10 pounds.

The story is loose now, the story of how one brave man who gave up his billionaire lifestyle to save America wasn't afraid to call a woman a pig.

And Trump is taking what newspaper writers call "backlash," which means he's not just leading the charge but climbing the cross, and the radical leftists are driving the nails.

He said it to a reporter, too. If you take a look at a room full of reporters these days, you're seeing just about as much lip gloss as you're seeing beards, which means men are getting pushed out of journalism the way white men got squeezed out of the NBA.

In just two words, Trump gave the boys on the couch what they want. First, he told her to be "quiet," then he called her a "piggy." With just two words, Trump may be saving the American family, traditional marriage and manhood.

If this kind of thing becomes a trend, maybe major American employers will clean the lesbians out of their human resources departments and replace them with guys who tell jokes about "queers."

And the men won't be lonely, and we'll go to college, and we'll go back to work, and we'll get married and we'll raise our kids.

If you're a woman, and you don't like that idea, maybe you should just shut up.

And, by the way, you're getting fat.

To find out more about Marc Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. Dion's latest book, a collection of his best columns, is called, "Mean Old Liberal." It is available in paperback from Amazon.com, and for Nook, Kindle and iBooks.

Photo credit: History in HD at Unsplash