Marc Dion from Creators Syndicate Creators Syndicate is an international syndication company that represents cartoonists and columnists of the highest caliber. en Mon, 24 Jun 2019 12:03:27 -0700 Marc Dion from Creators Syndicate 7240d0470432c76e6d9d0bdc9dc714f8 Stop Arguing About These Things for 06/24/2019 Mon, 24 Jun 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>As the election slouches rudely toward the Russian-monitored polling place in your town, there is much to be argued.</p> <p>But...<p>Updated: Mon Jun 24, 2019</p> 83e48bc1017705c7fde1da339055d03c Groundhog of Eden for 06/17/2019 Mon, 17 Jun 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p>As I have written before, groundhogs live in my yard.</p> <p>They're fat, furry, graceless, beaver-faced things and they live well in and out of their hole, feasting, not just on what grows, but on birdseed that's fallen from our bird feeder, and food thrown to them from the second-story window by my wife, Deborah. I think they also eat some of the dry cat food we leave out for a neighborhood stray cat.</p> <p>We try to feed them most in the fall, because we know they'll be going down to hibernate soon, and a groundhog needs fat to sleep through our harsh New England winters.<p>Updated: Mon Jun 17, 2019</p> c012c7bd63043df63a1f5a1c67e43cb1 Trade With Britain for 06/10/2019 Mon, 10 Jun 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p>The United States of America has always traded with Britain, though sometimes it was less of a formal trade, and more of a swap.</p> <p>We stole our whole country from the British, and they invaded us in 1812. But, we sent Americans to help Britain in two world wars. Call it even.</p> <p>They sent us The Beatles. We sent them The Doors. Even.<p>Updated: Mon Jun 10, 2019</p> 232141a0faa606eab5fe150e4f51d0f5 Storming the Beaches for 06/03/2019 Mon, 03 Jun 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I heard Robert Mueller's statement on Wednesday, sitting in front of a dead microphone in the studio of WSAR, an AM radio station in Somerset, Massachusetts. I do a talk radio show four days a week.</p> <p>Just before the 11 a.m. break, during a commercial, our newsman stuck his head on the door and told us he'd switch to the live feed of Mueller at the end of hour, just at the start of the break. The break went long because we broadcast the whole statement, and a little bit of the commentary that followed.<p>Updated: Mon Jun 03, 2019</p> 96c202db0f6012a31e3b8beef894762d The Egg and I for 05/27/2019 Mon, 27 May 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p>I've been Trumped, obstructed, Korea-ed, Iran-ed, Alabama-ed and Mueller-ed nearly to death in the last few months, just like any newspaper columnist whose weekly column isn't titled "Gardening Tips From Rose" or "Church Doings."</p> <p>I've spent 36 years in the Trade of Despair, as I call what some people call journalism, and I've sounded the alarm so much that my bugle is broken.</p> <p>Still...<p>Updated: Mon May 27, 2019</p> cd64cac37bf6661fb70c33ad24826ee8 Heart of America for 05/20/2019 Mon, 20 May 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>As near as I can understand Alabama's abortion law, it arises from two things:</p> <p>1. It's in the Bible.<p>Updated: Mon May 20, 2019</p> 41ef7dec798a8ff49700b1aad1fe0150 Got Any Naked Pictures of Your Wife? Wanna Buy Some? for 05/13/2019 Mon, 13 May 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I've already seen naked pictures of Pres. Donald Trump's wife, so why won't he let me see his taxes? Pardon me. I was educated by nuns. In the 1960s. Their laser focus on sin never left me, not even when I was sinning.</p> <p>For me, a child of a repressed, orderly age, the idea that you might value the sight of your tax return more than you value the sight of your wife's naked body remains oddly disgraceful, but not surprising.<p>Updated: Mon May 13, 2019</p> 58d94d6279ee545506741e86e95c6b28 I'm a Drug War Success for 05/06/2019 Mon, 06 May 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>If you add all the Americans who take Xanax to all the Americans who drink beer, and all the Americans who use cocaine, and all the Americans who smoke meth, and all the Americans who use heroin, and all the Americans who use prescription pain killers, it's a wonder anything ever gets done around here.</p> <p>Which it does not.<p>Updated: Mon May 06, 2019</p> abb8074d1620edd3702d0c41b50e7585 Folding Chair Politics for 04/29/2019 Mon, 29 Apr 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>Someone who may not have spent enough time sitting on a folding chair at a school committee meeting once wrote that small town politics are so serious because the stakes are so low.</p> <p>This is a wise-sounding saying that has no basis in the reality of school board meetings in towns of 20,000 people, only 1,500 of whom voted in the last election.<p>Updated: Mon Apr 29, 2019</p> 4213bb740efffb0d52889de541f0982f The Hand of God for 04/22/2019 Mon, 22 Apr 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I watched Notre Dame de Paris burn from my couch, located in my house, located one block from a 100-year-old Catholic church that is 80 percent empty on Sundays. In the back of the church is a redbrick Catholic school, abandoned for decades.</p> <p>And I was baptized in Notre Dame de Lourdes in Fall River, Massachusetts, a huge granite church built with the pennies of $1-a-day French-Canadian cotton mill workers.<p>Updated: Mon Apr 22, 2019</p> c5d2193319a3ff3215d4782934e01918 Stealing the Tools for 04/15/2019 Mon, 15 Apr 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>When I was very young, maybe 40 years ago, I worked with a number of unreconstructed workingmen. They had been born on farms, most of them, and many of them had plowed with a mule, or picked cotton by hand.</p> <p>They'd left that life and found factory work in a large Midwestern city. They all smoked, and they wore no jewelry except a gold wedding band and a silver-colored wristwatch with an expandable band.<p>Updated: Mon Apr 15, 2019</p> 44add0dba2b3be61eeb81f67f3624531 Bob Kraft and Barbecue for 04/08/2019 Mon, 08 Apr 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I live in Massachusetts, a state that's been showered with sports championships in the last few years. Super Bowl. World Series. There may have been some others, but I'm not a sports fan, so I can't be sure.</p> <p>It's been fun, though. People wear "Champions" T-shirts, and everyone's happy about the victories, and I like living among happy people.<p>Updated: Mon Apr 08, 2019</p> affde95b82d854b9932a043c735dbe45 The Russians Didn't Need Trump for 04/01/2019 Mon, 01 Apr 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>In between the Confederate monument and the tiki torch parade, there's a party goin' on.</p> <p>And there are fine people on both sides. The bikers and the military and the cops are there, counting the days toward the pension, or toward selling crystal meth, depending on the uniform worn.<p>Updated: Mon Apr 01, 2019</p> f77aac381faab028672ee9bdf4d98fa6 Where I Live: Fall River, MA, Home of Lizzie Borden for 03/25/2019 Mon, 25 Mar 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I live in Fall River, Massachusetts, a blood clot of abandoned mills and tenement houses. There are almost 90,000 people here, all of us living close to the highway that New Yorkers and Bostonians take to Cape Cod.</p> <p>A former miracle of the Industrial Revolution, Fall River is known for its numerous derelict cotton mills, some of which have been made into apartments. Just as importantly, the skyline is studded with "high rises," tall buildings that house the elderly, the disabled and the addicted. The buildings are named after dead politicians who would have shoplifted gum. There's a waiting list to get in, too.<p>Updated: Mon Mar 25, 2019</p> 7ecafea7df42ae286dd2f8ae7c03e11e Where's the Outrage? for 03/18/2019 Mon, 18 Mar 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I once kidded an inept editorial writer I worked with by asking him, as he prepared to write, "Are we concerned or outraged today?"</p> <p>He gave me a weak smile, which meant he would have hit me if it were not for the fact that he'd never hit anyone. If he'd decided to hit me, he wouldn't have known what to do first, and the trick to hitting someone is not to do anything FIRST.<p>Updated: Mon Mar 18, 2019</p> bcf6e4cb636aa24c3a3f58c0c8982809 The Little Mug Comes Home for 03/11/2019 Mon, 11 Mar 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>When I left the world of full-time newspaper employment to enter retirement, I left, as all workers do, with a box of things I'd taken from my desk.</p> <p>It was a fairly stereotypical load. There were books, pictures of my wife, pens, some small Christmas decorations I stored in a drawer between seasons.<p>Updated: Mon Mar 11, 2019</p> 3127dec336eec0058ccd9b2697f4a190 Pray God It Comes Hard for 03/04/2019 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>Pray God it comes hard.</p> <p>Since I left the newspaper business, I've called myself "semi-retired." I say "semi" because I can't really stop working. I wasn't bred to stop working. I was bred to compulsively pull in every dollar I can until I die or become too sick to work.<p>Updated: Mon Mar 04, 2019</p> 0ae6f0a0df63cc4cd8000ce11eab8db1 One of the Girls in the Office for 02/22/2019 Fri, 22 Feb 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p></p><p>My mother, Margaret Munroe Dion, who died Saturday at 2:55 in the afternoon, was one of the girls in the office.<p>Updated: Fri Feb 22, 2019</p> 68c1af7ef377775beac66f8c3b60580d I'll Have the Steak and Eggs: A Political Parable for 02/18/2019 Mon, 18 Feb 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>Forty years ago, in one of those Midwestern cities where flat avenues end in clusters of convenience stores, I worked as a janitor.</p> <p>There were seven men on my crew, and we worked 4 a.m. till noon cleaning the bars, restaurants, hallways, lobby and public bathrooms of a large hotel.<p>Updated: Mon Feb 18, 2019</p> da1748cfd7b591b4ba3883276ae7ef63 Seussical: The Presidency for 02/11/2019 Mon, 11 Feb 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>If you want to know why people in America shoot so much heroin, re-watch Pres. Donald J. Trump's State of the Union address.</p> <p>Oh, sure, we had a drug problem long before Trump became president, but Trump is the only president whose public mutterings make me think about catching a heroin habit just to turn down the sound a little. Bear in mind, I have no history of drug abuse, and I went to high school in the '70s. Only Trump could make my veins itch for the needle.<p>Updated: Mon Feb 11, 2019</p>