Marc Dion from Creators Syndicate https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion Creators Syndicate is an international syndication company that represents cartoonists and columnists of the highest caliber. en Fri, 24 Jan 2020 21:18:32 -0800 https://www.creators.com/ http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Marc Dion from Creators Syndicate https://cdn.creators.com/features/marc-dion-thumb.jpg https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion 4ad74eb4b6fd56ed34a8eb4cf7704d14 The Arc De Trump for 01/24/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/01/20/the-arc-de-trump Fri, 24 Jan 2020 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>There will be no war with Iran. Yet. This is because President Donald Trump sent troops to the threatened embassy. It wasn't at all like a similar situation when Hillary Clinton "murdered" several Americans in Benghazi. So, that is a tinseled Trumpian victory, suitable for inscribing on the soon-to-be-built Arc de Trump. As a bonus, "only" 11 American soldiers were injured during an Iranian missile attack on our troops. None of them died, however, and most of them can be sent back to a battle zone. Plus, when they return home, they can exercise the American right to PTSD. They will be given a miserly government monthly stipend and will be "thanked for their service" forever.</p> <p>There will be no nuclear exchange with Korea. Yet. The country is still run by a loon with a Moe Stooge haircut, and they have every nuke they had at the beginning. Still, they gave the U.S. several boxes of bones intended to remind us of what's going to happen to Los Angeles. That attempt at reminder failed. This, too, is a Trumpian triumph.<p>Updated: Fri Jan 24, 2020</p> 810f6b42f7ef0c1e594764ec69626ff3 His Excellency, Don Diego for 01/20/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/01/20/his-excellency-don-diego Mon, 20 Jan 2020 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I tried. I swear I tried.</p> <p>Like any columnist, I combed the week's news, looking for that thing from which a newspaper column could be built.<p>Updated: Mon Jan 20, 2020</p> 69119bf0ca5313a302abb03d3f7cd47f Opening Up a Can of America for 01/13/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/01/20/opening-up-a-can-of-america Mon, 13 Jan 2020 00:00:00 -0800 <p>Well, we done it. We kicked Iranian butt. We butt-kicked 'em. Their butts were kicked. We put a boot in their butts. Their butts, they were kicked. We opened up a can of butt-kick. We came to eat lollipops and kick butt, and we were out of lollipops. We took names and kicked butts. Butt kick. Kick butt. Works the same way backward and forward. Offered a butt, by God, Americans will kick. No butt un-kicked. We are butt-kickers. Kickers of butts.</p> <p>And it is who we are, we rowdy, butt-kicking Americans. We are not no cheese-eating French people. Offered cheese, we will kick the butt of the person who wants us to eat that cheese. We do not bow down to no Allah, and if you do, we will wait until you bow down and then kick you in the butt.</p> <p>This country is nothing but boots in search of butts. Away with your clogs and your tasseled loafers and your flip-flops! You need boots to kick butt, boots like they wear in the military. Everybody in America should wear military boots at all times, in case a butt presents itself for kicking.<p>Updated: Mon Jan 13, 2020</p> 1f3af79d7802af23e5673d7da81968e4 Playing the Numbers for 01/06/2020 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/01/20/playing-the-numbers Mon, 06 Jan 2020 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>In Texas, where life is cheap, and so are the senators, a plucky church security force member raised his gun in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, and shot dead a gunman who'd already killed two people.</p> <p>Praise Jayzus! Praise his holy name!<p>Updated: Mon Jan 06, 2020</p> e8b751feae0a750087e874424919fe2c A Smooth Stone for 12/30/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/12/19/a-smooth-stone Mon, 30 Dec 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I'm writing this on Christmas Day. All the wrapping has been torn. The church at the end of my street has put Jesus in the manger. My wife liked her gifts, and we had a huge Irish breakfast of eggs, bacon, sausage, blood pudding, beans, toast and strong tea.</p> <p>My mother died last February. My wife's mother died in October. We are both only children, and are much more "only" now. Both of our fathers are dead.<p>Updated: Mon Dec 30, 2019</p> 52924bdd4bef5865e34dab640e8962fd Warmed By the Breath of Fools for 12/23/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/12/19/warmed-by-the-breath-of-fools Mon, 23 Dec 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>Although the crucifixion and resurrection are central to Christianity, I am most moved by The Babe in the manger, by his dimpled arms and helpless, weakly grasping hands, by Joseph's worried face, by Mary's tired, half-closed eyes, by the scratchy straw on his tender skin and the close dung smell of the animals.</p> <p>So helpless and so small, the way we all are in the beginning when there is no hint of what will happen to us in our bleeding, painful deaths.<p>Updated: Mon Dec 23, 2019</p> ccc2685a2b076516a4aa90cabd8e9a36 For What It's Worth for 12/16/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/12/19/for-what-its-worth Mon, 16 Dec 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I'm a 62-year-old man who, by being cheap for 30 years of his life, managed to save some money. A lot of generic groceries and off-brand beer passed down this old reporter's neck in order to keep funding the 401(k) and the mutual funds, but in the end, I wound up with about 10 years pay in savings, all of it busily, capitalistically making money for me.</p> <p>Which is as I intended. Now, semi-retired, I draw a nice income from that money, money grubbed up in the darkness of night shifts.<p>Updated: Mon Dec 16, 2019</p> 2c54bae18c62adb4a0d24648a4f8cd46 Knife and a Chair for 12/09/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/12/19/knife-and-a-chair Mon, 09 Dec 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p>About two miles from my house, in the same city, there's a convenience store. It sells coffee, liquor, beer, lottery tickets, sandwiches wrapped in plastic and disposal lighters, and it offers two aisles of canned goods, toilet paper and disposable diapers.</p> <p>There used to be a Hindu temple across the street, located in a former paper-box factory, but the Hindus moved out as the neighborhood got worse. Junkies beg out in front of the store. I used to go in there to buy beer after a newspaper night shift because it's open late.</p> <p>Not long ago, a guy with a knife tried to rob the place. He showed the clerk the knife and demanded cartons of cigarettes. The clerk, who does not own the store, wouldn't give up the cigarettes.<p>Updated: Mon Dec 09, 2019</p> cbc6b2220009af9066c5a4d15ee8b262 Pardon My Turkey for 12/02/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/11/19/pardon-my-turkey Mon, 02 Dec 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>Heavy lies the head that wears the turkey.</p> <p>Pres. Donald Trump pardoned two turkeys just before Thanksgiving Day. It's a holiday tradition. Ever year, in a display of commercialized might, the president pardons two turkeys and a war criminal. The two turkeys go to some kind of turkey rescue facility. The war criminal gets a promotion, may someday write a book called "Screw 'Em. They Ain't Really Human" and could eventually marry a Kardashian, if one is available.<p>Updated: Mon Dec 02, 2019</p> 44da670729d76f0264e6066e2e42cf45 The Socioeconomics of Menthol Cigarettes for 11/25/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/11/19/the-socioeconomics-of-menthol-cigarettes Mon, 25 Nov 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>In my home state of Massachusetts, where a wily state government has found a way to do everything except stop people from leaving the older cities, there is a war on flavored tobacco and vaping products. A ban of both is on the way.</p> <p>Ostensibly, this is to protect our children, who are presumably lured into smoking by flavored products.<p>Updated: Mon Nov 25, 2019</p> afec320b35dac897325659180d528c36 Stop Shoving Your Sports Agenda Down My Throat for 11/18/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/11/19/stop-shoving-your-sports-agenda-down-my-throat Mon, 18 Nov 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I'm what used to be called a "regular guy." House. Wife. Job. Taxes. Scared of street crime. Frozen pizza. Flannel shirts. Draft beer. Used car. It took me six months to pay off the new mattress I bought.</p> <p>But I don't like sports.<p>Updated: Mon Nov 18, 2019</p> 48d90ea6cf495f2bb47f0c3f03914eae Christmas Spice for 11/11/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/11/19/christmas-spice Mon, 11 Nov 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I write columns about politics, and about governing, and about Pres. Donald Trump, who is politics but not governing, and about poverty, which is always the result of politics but never the result of governing.</p> <p>And, after retiring from a 36-year career as a newspaper reporter, I took a job with a local talk radio station. Callers sometimes call me a communist because I don't want homeless panhandlers executed, and today someone called me an "evil old man" because I don't like a local politician, who is currently under indictment.<p>Updated: Mon Nov 11, 2019</p> a80368f9bfea69d4b7d827898ae9f44d Treating Veterans Like Dogs for 11/04/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/10/19/treating-veterans-like-dogs Mon, 04 Nov 2019 00:00:00 -0800 <p>Canines have had an up-and-down kind of month. Pres. Donald Trump noted some similarities between the death of a terrorist and the way a dog dies. That's an insult to every red-blooded American pit bull who ever went down snarling in an illegal dogfight sponsored by a professional athlete. That's why Trump gets booed at ball games.</p> <p>But he did tell us that a hero dog was wounded as American troops went in after the terrorist, and that is a victory for canines all over the land of the free.</p> <p>We are truly free as long as we can imagine freedom as a dog, or a gun, or a flag, anything that can't talk, really.<p>Updated: Mon Nov 04, 2019</p> ba33236486a31df59689812d92d8670b Storming Ashore on the Carpet for 10/28/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/10/19/storming-ashore-on-the-carpet Mon, 28 Oct 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>Lives there a legislator inside whose timid breast there does not beat the heart of a lion? You may be long past your fighting years (even if you're a veteran) but if you are any kind of legislator, you see yourself as forever in battle.</p> <p>Newspapers and electronic media encourage this courage of the cloakroom.<p>Updated: Thu Oct 31, 2019</p> 37a4d59767e6b0a38099b59b01f35add Values By the Pound for 10/21/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/10/19/values-by-the-pound Mon, 21 Oct 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p>In the grocery store, they got the cheap hamburger, the good hamburger and the ground sirloin.</p> <p>I come from a ground sirloin family. If we were eating the good hamburger, or (shame of all shame) the cheap hamburger, it meant my father was out of work. By the time I was 11, my father had traded the nightlife thrills and uncertain income of the side street bartender for a suit-and-tie corporate job, and ground sirloin was all we ate.</p> <p>Still, even on the nickel-and-dime tips of a bartender in a place where whiskey went for a half-buck a shot, my father believed in ground sirloin. Even if you had to buy less of it than you really needed, you bought the best, was my mother and father's theory.<p>Updated: Mon Oct 21, 2019</p> 69b51832641715d3fe700c0a39e0d63e A Noggin of Despair for 10/14/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/10/19/a-noggin-of-despair Mon, 14 Oct 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>An Irish immigrant friend of mine once told me that, in the Ireland of his youth, the word "noggin" was, as he put it "the most elastic word in the language."</p> <p>"If my uncle said he had a 'noggin of whiskey,' that meant anything from a swallow to a quart," my friend said."<p>Updated: Mon Oct 14, 2019</p> 8be507337d5b8628cd00ba223df6ffa7 White Privilege Fails Me for 10/07/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/10/19/white-privilege-fails-me Mon, 07 Oct 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>Because I am old in the ways of sin, I dropped the butt of a $5 cigar onto the rain-darkened blacktop of a convenience store parking lot. I was going in for coffee, black, no sugar.</p> <p>The owner, an immigrant American citizen from a former British colony, saw me from the front window of his small, but sincere, store. When I came in, he told me I shouldn't drop cigar butts in his parking lot, not even when it's raining.<p>Updated: Mon Oct 07, 2019</p> 9687c7b5fe218dd9fb90d160dd476a3c Sleeping Beauty Overdosed for 09/30/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/09/19/sleeping-beauty-overdosed Mon, 30 Sep 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>The Brothers Grimm, Jakob and Wilhelm, were a pair of 19th-century Germans whose "fairy tales" often involved the cooking of children. Disney cleaned that up quickly, and the whacky brothers' fairy tales were a childhood staple until we forgot them in favor of British-accented pigs.</p> <p>Always, in the tales, the princess sleeps or is in some kind of trouble that may involve her being roasted and served up like a prime rib.<p>Updated: Mon Sep 30, 2019</p> c523fe0bc3f37e27cdfe1bdbe457b765 A Dear Little Lost Place for 09/23/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/09/19/a-dear-little-lost-place Mon, 23 Sep 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I live in Fall River, Massachusetts, a dear little lost place. It's dear if you're from here. It's lost to everyone else. And it's much more little than it was 100 years ago, when the great gray granite cotton mills were lit up for the third shift. During the mill years, 120,000 people lived in the city. Now, it's 86,000 and, if it weren't for immigrants, legal and illegal, maybe 30,000 people would live in this clot of crap-brown tenement houses next to the hammered steel sheet of a brackish New England river.</p> <p>Old men lose muscle, and their arms get stringy. <span class="column--highlighted-text">Towns like mine lost their factories, and everything got stringy, tightly stretched and broken.</span><p>Updated: Mon Sep 23, 2019</p> 5a8453343833095c9d873b1e6ccbf155 The Right to Bear Vapes for 09/16/2019 https://www.creators.com/read/marc-dion/09/19/the-right-to-bear-vapes Mon, 16 Sep 2019 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>The vaping industry, tragically unrepresented by the National Rifle Association, is in danger of seeing its profitable berry- and s'mores-flavored business go up in smoke, or at least in vapor. The doctors say vaping kills you.</p> <p>I'm an old-fashioned pipe smoker. Not so long ago, I was sitting outside at my job, peacefully puffing a pipe, when I was approached by one of the office vapeheads, a guy in his 20s.<p>