Marc Dion from Creators Syndicate Creators Syndicate is an international syndication company that represents cartoonists and columnists of the highest caliber. en Thu, 02 Jul 2020 15:20:28 -0700 Marc Dion from Creators Syndicate c902fb26af8aec74c59efcfcc91321ea Old Man and Cat Talk While the Country Sickens and Dies for 07/03/2020 Fri, 03 Jul 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>The radio station where I work part time has 12 parking spaces in the lot, though there are seldom more than seven cars parked between the yellow lines. There is a cemetery at one edge of the lot, a cemetery from the 1700s because this is Massachusetts. Inside the cemetery, broken gravestones are piled up on the ground. Others are worn down like the stumps of broken teeth.</p> <p>Through the old stones, on many mornings, there walks a cat.<p>Updated: Fri Jul 03, 2020</p> ec62f8ba04f662e2f168478b72f797d9 Yassuh, Or How to Become a Racial Icon for 06/26/2020 Fri, 26 Jun 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>Poor Aunt Jemima. Gone from the syrup container, she is mourned by everyone who mourns Amos 'n' Andy, Stepin Fetchit, Birmingham Brown and every other comforting image of Black people as kitchen help, slightly larcenous goofballs or paragons of laziness.</p> <p>That was back when Black people were comfortably nonthreatening, back when they "didn't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies."<p>Updated: Fri Jun 26, 2020</p> f6222c207c76501c5231cfbdca683bdb How Not to Get COVID-19 at a Trump Rally for 06/19/2020 Fri, 19 Jun 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>All right. Don't touch me.</p> <p>I don't want to get sick. The virus, ya know.<p>Updated: Fri Jun 19, 2020</p> 097f8c710511b16d3cf3916e02cb359c The Colors of Romance for 06/12/2020 Fri, 12 Jun 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>"I have black friends." "I don't see color." "All lives matter." "I never owned a slave."</p> <p>Yup. Yup. Yup.<p>Updated: Fri Jun 12, 2020</p> b74c854fe8b2729f53daa0b3aab79f34 Me and the Holy Book(s) for 06/05/2020 Fri, 05 Jun 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>As punchline Pres. Donald J. Trump continues his honkin' big tour of many Jesuses, waving the Bible at an Episcopal church, visiting a shrine run by idol-worshiping Catholics, and no doubt on his way to wave a Quran at a mosque, I begin to see the light.</p> <p>That's why I bought a copy of the Chiltons repair manual for the 2016 Buick Enclave. I figured if I waved it in front of my local car repair place, I'd become a mechanic. It worked, too. I know it worked because the immigrant Syrian owner chased me away with a wrench. He's probably afraid of the competition.<p>Updated: Fri Jun 05, 2020</p> 41852d7d7d8da403030039c73efb7cb0 A Soft Slush Is A-Gonna Slush for 05/29/2020 Fri, 29 May 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I remember the days when the folk singers said a hard rain was a-gonna fall, and a hard wind was a-gonna blow, and a hard snow was a-gonna snow, and a hard hail was a-gonna ping off'n yer windshield.</p> <p>It was fun listening to the folk singers tone-deaf imitation of the people among who I was raised.<p>Updated: Fri May 29, 2020</p> b73386ce75e0025bb9e53a226b257128 The Petty Virus for 05/22/2020 Fri, 22 May 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>The French philosopher Pascal said that human beings are so easy to comfort because we are so easy to afflict.</p> <p>Big deal. So, I went to college.<p>Updated: Fri May 22, 2020</p> 2eced879df1bc2473121cc7d0e54508d A Sea of Different Faces for 05/15/2020 Fri, 15 May 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>Now that two women reporters I could throw over a fence have chased Pres. Donald Trump out of a press conference, I guess we understand why older white American men need so many guns. You never know when your intellect is going to get mugged by some small Asian-looking woman who wears a size 4 dress.</p> <p>"Ask China," Trump said. What, does he think if you're Asian-looking, you call China every night? I suppose we're lucky Trump didn't ask her if she could bring him an order of sweet and sour chicken, maybe ask if her parents are in the laundry business.<p>Updated: Fri May 15, 2020</p> 713113a267265b81425b88dbe4cbae5b Pantsless in the Fields of the Lord for 05/08/2020 Fri, 08 May 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>The first God-given right I remember losing to big government was the right to sleep whenever I felt tired.</p> <p>Yeah, kindergarten sucked. Of course, I didn't go to a public grade school. I went to a Catholic grade school, but I assume it was licensed by some arm of the government.<p>Updated: Fri May 08, 2020</p> 50c804d062016c08712e5b8b8d1cec24 There Are Plenty of Shyannes in Foxholes for 05/01/2020 Fri, 01 May 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>These days, I believe I match the description of the bad father in the old Johnny Cash song, "A Boy Named Sue."</p> <p>I'm 62, and I'm, "big, and bent, and gray, and old," as the old man is described in the song.<p>Updated: Fri May 01, 2020</p> 6a3c8c7ef775ee8cf994c09d91dc8687 Mouse-demic Response: Failure and Success for 04/24/2020 Fri, 24 Apr 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>As the government of an extremely small nation/house, our first mistake was ignoring the experts.</p> <p>For days, our two cats, Maggie and Jack, had spent their evenings in the kitchen, staring fixedly at a cabinet.<p>Updated: Fri Apr 24, 2020</p> b2e70f78b5c35b665de2aa6aedfb44b2 Mail-Order Dreams for 04/17/2020 Fri, 17 Apr 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>As a working-class man who shrewdly avoided work by becoming a writer, the United States Post Office means three things to me.</p> <p>The first is that postal jobs are good jobs. Union. Seniority. Security. Benefits. Pension. Veterans' preference. All working-class people know those things.<p>Updated: Fri Apr 17, 2020</p> 3855bef573dc6060d293acc93fb9efc0 Bipartisan Groceries for 04/10/2020 Fri, 10 Apr 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>It's been a little hard to get groceries lately, what with the coronavirus hoax still abroad in the land of the free. Still, no matter how many the hoax kills, I have to go to work, and I have to go to the grocery store.</p> <p>After retiring from the newspaper business, I took a job doing talk radio. Imagine my surprise when I was declared an "essential employee."<p>Updated: Fri Apr 10, 2020</p> 4ab239019758d28d6ffcb11248182eb7 No Cure for Humor for 04/03/2020 Fri, 03 Apr 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I'm dying. I'm literally dying from laughter. LOL.</p> <p>Up the hill from where I live, there is a fine building, a home for the elderly owned by the Catholic diocese. My mother died in that noble old brick building, on the Alzheimer's floor, where they put you while your family hopes you die.<p>Updated: Fri Apr 03, 2020</p> 4164e1cd9fddad36d109e599c297238c Who's a Good Dog? for 03/27/2020 Fri, 27 Mar 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>I love the rich people who employ me. I do. Before that, I loved the other rich people who employed me. I want them swaddled with care, smothered with tax incentives, insulated against the cold breezes of the income tax. <span class="column--highlighted-text">I am the dog, and they are the hand that comes mysteriously out of the air to put food in my bowl.</span> Sometimes, they pet my head, which is called a "Christmas bonus." I bark at the people they hate, and if they want to keep me chained in a small backyard, then I am happy just to have food. If they do not feed me enough, I figure I must be a bad dog because people feed you if you are good.</p> <p>A few months ago, the dogs who work at a supermarket chain in my state were bad enough dogs to growl and snap at their rich people. They went on strike.<p>Updated: Fri Mar 27, 2020</p> b8fe3c4011c126ed83b49ebdd6b6a194 Thank You for Letting Us Use Your Service for 03/20/2020 Fri, 20 Mar 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>There is a new species of hero abroad in the land!</p> <p>And, no, I don't mean President Donald Trump, who now regards himself as a "war president."<p>Updated: Fri Mar 20, 2020</p> 0177b354967b2d20a999c508eba541aa Two Bad Hands for 03/13/2020 Fri, 13 Mar 2020 00:00:00 -0700 <p></p><p>Do you want to know the truth?</p> <p>It's coronavirus season, and it's election season, and my wife's disinfecting all the doorknobs in the house every night, and all the candidates for president stink.<p>Updated: Fri Mar 13, 2020</p> 6528a80ff88ab020b389776d22680cc9 Cash Money Is Sick for 03/06/2020 Fri, 06 Mar 2020 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>I probably won't die from the coronavirus, though saying that means I probably will. As the old-time Irish said, "What you call comes to you."</p> <p>In the meantime, I'm washing my hands more often. My wife, Deborah, says I have to wash my hands more often.<p>Updated: Fri Mar 06, 2020</p> 5701a82d1cc2562ed3031148ea380628 Early in the Fight for 02/28/2020 Fri, 28 Feb 2020 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>"You're blowing it now, son! You're blowing it!" The late fight trainer Angelo Dundee to Sugar Ray Leonard between rounds 12 and 13 of his fight with Thomas Hearns. Leonard picked up the pace, and he stopped Hearns in round 14.</p> <p>A pack of Democratic title contenders are fighting each other, looking for the title shot. Donald Trump waits, cradling his big MAGA punch. After the Democratic debates, the floor is slick with metaphorical blood, but the crowd is bored. Watching a bunch of second-rate pugs with no defense pound each other isn't enough. The crowd wants the main event.<p>Updated: Fri Feb 28, 2020</p> 3ffb3ca718f9c00166735087eb91ccf6 Shaving to the Bone for 02/21/2020 Fri, 21 Feb 2020 00:00:00 -0800 <p></p><p>In World War I, when the combatants hunkered down fearfully in miles of opposing trenches, everything took on the name of the trench.</p> <p>There was trench foot, a disease, and a weapon called a trench knife.<p>Updated: Fri Feb 21, 2020</p>