My wife owns 48 pairs of shoes, although, as she huffily pointed out to me, that includes sneakers. Apparently, sneakers are not to be included in any official shoe count.
Before you think I'm the kind of husband who prowls through his wife's belongings looking for forbidden luxury, the only reason I counted her shoes was because we were moving, and I got bored with just carrying things.
We are none of us immune to fashion. What is the biker's jacket "colors" other than a fashion statement?
For my obsessed, multigun owning friends, many of whom regard themselves as the custodians of Christ and the Constitution, there are fashions in guns.
When I was younger, the well-dressed freedom fighter owned a .357 magnum handgun. It was the "little black dress" of pistols, and if a guy showed up at the gun range without one, the other real men said catty things about him behind his back.
"My God," one guy would say. "Did you see that little .38 Darryl is carrying? It's just SO last year."
"And he looks fat in those camouflage pants, too," another guy would say.
After the .357 magnum, it was the .44 magnum pistol, principally because Clint Eastwood carried one in the "Dirty Harry" movies.
At home, at night, while his wife was out buying paper towels, the owner of a .44 magnum would stand in front of the mirror, point the pistol and say, "Do ya feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?"
That, or something like it, was the famous quote from the movie. And if I don't have it exact, it's OK because words aren't the point of Clint Eastwood movies. The point of Clint Eastwood movies is that old white guys are tougher than young black guys. That's also the point of all "Rocky" movies and the presidency of Donald J. Trump. Trump is old, and the "J" in his name doesn't stand for "Jamal," if ya know what I mean.
After the .44, the fashionista gun among NRA debutantes was the Glock 9 mm. The Glock is German, which means that, no matter how expensive it is, it doesn't look expensive.
Anyway, like hot pants and platform heels, the Glock was a fashion mistake, and million of girls and men destroyed pictures of themselves wearing those things.
"Oh, God," Curtis said down at the gun range last week. "Do I look like I'd be caught DEAD with a Glock?"
"They're un-fabulous," squealed Curtis' buddy Shane.
Yeah the Glock is in the back of the closet now, right next to the acid washed jeans.
Now, if you want to be the Disney princess of the gun range, you carry a 1911 model Colt 45 automatic, the gun you simply MUST have if you're going to defend your God-given right AND look perky.
It's a big gun, not at all sleek, but somehow flirty, like Mike Pence.
Buy it now, or the boys at the gun range are going to diss you the way they did poor Elmo when he showed up with that tacky derringer.
To find out more about Marc Munroe Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. Dion's latest book, an explosively fashionable account of Pres. Donald J. Trump's modeling career, is called "The Land of Trumpin'." It is available in paperback from Amazon.com, and for Kindle, Nook, iBooks and GooglePlay.