Trump's Prison Colony

By Marc Dion

August 26, 2019 4 min read

President Donald Trump wants to buy the island of Greenland from Denmark. Denmark won't sell, and they turned him down rudely. Trump said he won't go to Denmark because they turned his offer down without even giving him a chance to borrow the purchase price from the Russian mob. In addition, he turned them down because he is a petulant child.

But Trump ain't no dope, nossireebob. He had plans for Greenland.

It was going to be America's prison colony. What Devil's Island was to the French, what Australia was to the British, what the Solovetsky Islands were to the Soviets, Greenland would (and still could) be to the United States.

It a cold, rocky island, a long way from anywhere, covered in rocks and ice. There are valuable minerals under the ice and the rocks.

You put maybe 40,000 "undesirables" on the island; you can work 'em to death in a matter of months.

Muslims. Democrats. Mexicans. People who "disrespect" the flag. Women who dress like men. Nonwhite illegal immigrants. People who kneel during the anthem. Reporters. Child molesters who aren't rich. Anti-gun activists. Vegans. Men who dress like women. Don't forget the Jews who are being "disloyal." African Americans who march in those traitorous, "make the cops stop shooting us," demonstrations. That's a deep pool of potential prisoners.

And, face it, slave labor gets stuff done. You work 'em 16 hours a day, throw 'em a potato twice a day and, when they die, you get some more. What company doesn't want that workforce? Visit an Amazon warehouse. They've almost got that workforce. The Chinese do have that workforce, and they can make dollar store toys for an unbelievably low price.

As for the existing population of Iceland, offer 'em jobs as guards. If they won't take the jobs, round 'em up and put 'em to work in the mines.

For Donald Trump, it's the perfect business because the biggest dope in the world can't go bankrupt with slave labor. Any minerals you dig out of the ground cost you practically nothing, but your rich friends back in America can still sell those minerals at full price once the skeletal convicts dig 'em up and load 'em on the ships.

What amazes me is that Denmark wouldn't sell. You know they need the money. Denmark is a democratic socialist country. "Democratic socialist" is the same thing as "socialist" and that's the same thing as "communist" and that's the same thing as inner-city Chicago. That means there's anarchy in the streets; money isn't worth anything; and people stand in line for two weeks just to get three ounces of moldy cheese. Worst of all, the Danish people can't do anything about it because they don't have any automatic weapons. That's why Chicago is free, because the people have automatic weapons. I hear you can't even get a cheese Danish in Denmark any more.

Yeah. Denmark is a communist hell. Maybe they're holding out for a higher price. Don't worry, though. Trump is a brilliant negotiator. He'll get Greenland. Remember how he made the Mexican government pay for his wall?

To find out more about Marc Munroe Dion, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit Dion's latest book, written as a free man (for now) is a collection of his columns about Pres. Donald J. Trump and the art of the failed deal. It is entitled "The Land of Trumpin'" and is available in paperback from, and for Nook, Kindle, iBooks and GooglePlay.

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