Last week, because, as my wife puts it, "You think you're funny," I referred to Rep. George Santos as Rep. George Santos (nee Horowitz.)

The joke was that Santos is a carnival of lies and once alluded to a Jewish heritage he doesn't have just to get some votes.

See, that's why giving the guy a Jewish "maiden name" was funny.

Turned out, I was speaking prophecy, which is a real Old Testament thing to do if you're me and you wear a lot of flannel shirts and drink beer out of the can.

Not long after that column was printed, rumors leaked north from Brazil that Santos had frolicked and gamboled as a drag queen, not once or twice, but a great many times.

I never took a gender studies course, but I can tell you that, unless you really like "The Rocky Horror Picture Show," a few years' worth of dragging it up is more than most guys have on their resume.

Yup. Santos may be what I call a "chiffon enthusiast." I use the term "chiffon enthusiast" because it's so much softer than "drag queen," a phrase that smells like the kind of seedy back street bar that advertised "female impersonators" when I was a young man.

So, the question is, how did an aging newspaper hack like myself know to crack jokes about Santos having a maiden name. "Maiden name," by the way, is what women of my mother's generation called the last name they had before they got married. The "maiden" part was taken on faith. The name change was visible and lifelong.

But back to possible chiffon enthusiast Santos

Back in the days when I worked for daily newspapers, I had a running joke with a crime reporter.

Whenever some conservative stalwart, some bible-waver, some Trumpian, got caught making new friends in the airport bathroom, we'd laugh about how many guys from the gay-hating side of the aisle eventually got busted going all melty-eyed over some guy named "Shane."

"Never fails," one of us would holler when we saw the news story saying that Sen. McBible (R-Former Slave State) had been caught in a cheap motel room with a young attorney known on the party circuit as "Ricky."

I used to think it was because these guys running as hardcore conservatives needed to hide who they really were, but lately, I've had another thought.

Maybe being a publicly anti-gay figure adds a little splash of naughty to what you really like, like those people who express their love in public places because the thrill of getting caught adds a little pepper to the soup.

If you follow my theory, it's entirely possible that a significant number of anti-gay public figures are anti-gay because it makes gay sex better.

"Did you hear my speech today?" the senator says. "I said gay people shouldn't be allowed to teach high school because they have unnatural desires. Did you hear it?"

"Yes" Ricky says. "I heard it. Oh, God, I heard it!"

Pretty hot stuff.

And don't tell me it's not possible. There are couples out there whose twice weekly romance sessions include dressing up like pirates and whomping each other over the heads with live kitty cats. Anything is possible.

As a fair warning, if I catch you hitting anyone with a live cat, I'm going to beat hell out of you in your front yard.

I like cats a lot more than I like politicians.

To find out more about Marc Munroe Dion, and read features by Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. Dion's latest book, a collection of his best columns, is called "Devil's Elbow: Dancing in the Ashes of America." It is available in paperback from Amazon.com, and for Nook, Kindle, and iBooks.

Photo credit: SatyaPrem at Pixabay