Dear Jenny: I recently started dating a widower. "John" lost his wife to cancer three years ago and has been back on the dating scene for a year. We've been together for six months, and I really enjoy his company. We are compatible, and for the most part, things are going well. I am empathetic toward him, and I know he cares for me deeply.

However, John still talks about his deceased wife all the time. I am open to communication, but when is it enough? It's a touchy subject, and I'm not sure how to approach it. I am ready for John to focus on our relationship. Please help! — Kim, from Tennessee

Jenny says: It's obvious John is still mourning a deep loss, and outside of being supportive, there isn't much you can do to speed things along. A marriage ending because of cancer is quite different than a marriage ending from a divorce. There may be a part of him that won't ever move on — or perhaps it's just that not enough time has passed. Grieving a loss is complex, and the process of healing has no time limit. Has John seen a grief counselor or some other professional to help him deal with his loss? If he hasn't, maybe you can suggest he seek someone to help him process and work through losing his wife. It may be very hard for him to move on when there hasn't been any healing.

Of course you want to be sensitive, but you also need to honor your own heart. You deserve to be in a relationship with a man who loves and supports you. It is not unreasonable to ask John for his attention and presence when you are together. I understand it's a touchy subject, but it is one that needs to be approached honestly and thoughtfully.

Communication is key to any successful relationship, even when topics are hard to discuss. Sit down together and talk, and be sure to really listen to each other. Don't be afraid to share your feelings for fear you may hurt John. Most likely, he will appreciate your candor. Discussing your expectations and fears may help both of you move forward. Good luck with everything!

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