Dear Margo: My husband and I have been married almost five years. We have one of those relationships everyone envies. I have three children from a previous marriage that he and his family have taken in as their own. Why am I complaining? His mother is CRAZY!

My sister-in-law passed away about four years ago. She was 23 and eight months pregnant; she was hit by a drunk driver. Since then my mother-in-law is always at our house, constantly drinking. We have tried to get her professional help for depression, and now I feel she needs help for her drinking, as well.

She refuses to talk to anyone. My father-in-law took a job out of town and is only home on weekends, which means she has no place she wants to be other than here. The big problem is that she has put her house up for sale so she can build right next to us! I will actually be able to look out my bedroom and see into hers.

What can I do to prevent my m-i-l from destroying this wonderful life we have built? — Lost in the Woods of Wisconsin

Dear Lost: What a great sadness for this woman to lose a young daughter and an unborn grandchild. And how ironic that booze caused the accident and is now causing even more damage.

You, your husband, his father and anyone else in her inner circle must stage an intervention and firmly, gently give her the news that for four years she has tried to drown her sorrows, but alas, sorrows know how to swim. She needs to accept that her husband has literally hit the road, and that she is camped out at your house making an unnatural life for you.

It is imperative for the entire family that she goes to both AA and a survivors group for parents of deceased children. She will find community and strength in these groups. I would be firm in stating that building a house next to yours is not the solution for her grief, and neither is setting up shop in your living room trying to get blotto. Tough love is called for, and I wish you all good luck. — Margo, restoratively

When "They" Are Way Off Base

Dear Margo: I am 26 years old and single. I have a good job, a new car, and I have good friends. I live with my mother. I have lived by myself before, but moved back home to help take care of her. (She has poor eyesight, cannot drive and has crippling arthritis, so I help her out a lot.)

I was planning on moving out, but my father passed away. I decided to stay because my mom and sisters needed me. I don't really even want to move. I like living with my mom and sibs (they are 16 and 19).

A good friend of mine recently told me that someone asked her what was wrong with me, saying it was strange that I still lived with my mother, and that I'm 26 and not married. I'd never given my life a second thought until my friend told me this. I mean, I like my life. This other friend also asked my friend if I was gay, which I'm not.

The thing is, these comments have me wondering if other people might think the same things. Is it weird that I'm 26, single, and still living with my mom and sisters? — Fine Until Now

Dear Fine: I think you are noble, and I find it wonderful that you get pleasure from pitching in where you are needed. By my lights, the person who asked your friend these questions is rather warped.

To imagine someone is "strange" to live at home at 26 — and to be gay, yet — is, in itself, odd. Not that you owe anyone any explanations, but to say you are caring for your mother should shut anybody up. — Margo, admiringly

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.